Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Financial Issues

Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 08-01-2018, 01:23 PM
Sound11's Avatar
Sound11 Sound11 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 15
Sound11 is on a distinguished road
Default Extracurricular costs for Adult Children in University

I am now legally divorced; it was a long, difficult, and expensive process. I continue to pay CS for two adult children attending university. They're great kids who spend equal time at both homes.

In general do the courts support the notion that divorced parents should be covering the cost of extracurricular activities for adult children while attending university?

My Ex is demanding we split the cost of an extracurricular activity for our 18 year old. We covered these as Section 7 costs when they were under 18 but it is my view that our children should take responsibility for the cost of their extracurricular activities as young adults. Because my Ex and I come from different backgrounds I have suggested we go with a 1/3 shared cost between us and our 18 year old for the cost of her activity. I had thought this to be fair and reasonable approach representing a balance between our different parenting philosophies and backgrounds. She is arguing / demanding that I am obligated to split the cost with her.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 08-01-2018, 01:56 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 5,093
rockscan will become famous soon enoughrockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

Unless the extracurricular activity is something is necessary for her future career prospects or you make over $200,000 a year, your ex will have difficulty arguing it.

In my experience, when a child is in university, because of the costs associated with university, it has to be a major experience to be considered s7. Why? Because kid should be working, there arent many extraordinary expenses that are legit, there are somethings (ie gym memberships and health costs) that are covered under tuition etc.

To help with advice, what is the activity? Does it relate to kids future career prospects (ie. Private tutoring outside of school to help with future employment—like french classes or the like that arent offered at the school?)
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 08-01-2018, 05:07 PM
Sound11's Avatar
Sound11 Sound11 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 15
Sound11 is on a distinguished road
Default

Thanks for the reply rockscan. The activity is performance in a musical theater production. She has excelled in theater but has not expressed it as a career interest. It is something that she enjoys doing and I wholeheartedly support. In my mind it's important for her to work and pay for the things she wants as a young adult. My daughter understands this but my Ex is a tour de force when she wants control.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 08-01-2018, 07:05 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 5,093
rockscan will become famous soon enoughrockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

Thats a questionable expense. You could call your ex’s bluff and simply say thats your final offer and if shes determined to take it to court and waste money, thats her decision but you will seek costs. Then she goes on ignore.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 08-01-2018, 11:45 PM
Sound11's Avatar
Sound11 Sound11 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 15
Sound11 is on a distinguished road
Default

Thanks I feel better about standing my ground on this one. Cheers.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 08-02-2018, 10:43 AM
Janus's Avatar
Janus Janus is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,355
Janus will become famous soon enoughJanus will become famous soon enough
Default

I think you are on solid ground as well. I would not argue this in writing, you will eventually say something that can be used against you. You have stated your position, she can bring you to court if she disagrees. As rock suggested, tell her that your offer is final and that you are happy to be served at home if she wants to seek court intervention.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 08-02-2018, 12:47 PM
Sound11's Avatar
Sound11 Sound11 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 15
Sound11 is on a distinguished road
Default

Thank you Janus. Your advice is well taken. I learned the hard way (sadly or stupidly on more than one occasion) that the most well intended email to your Ex can be twisted depending on someone's end game.

I have capitulated on many matters for the sake of closure and minimizing legal costs but this is about respecting my values while respecting my Ex's.

My lawyer indicated that most of these matters are usually resolved once the kids become adults but this will likely not be the case for my situation. I couldn't find much on extracurricular costs for adult children outside of education costs so perhaps this post will help others who find themselves in a similar circumstance.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 08-02-2018, 01:43 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 5,093
rockscan will become famous soon enoughrockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

My partners lawyer had a few words about this issue too. His ex wants a set monthly amount for section 7 “activities” since he has said no to “so many”. Lawyer said that kid should be working during the summers to pay her portion of school not engaging in activities that take her away from that. “If she wants to go to camp, she can be a paid counselor” were his exact words. According to him (and I trust him because he has an excellent reputation and he doesnt bs us with fake ideas about how my partner can win) extra-ordinary costs for kids over 18 are limited as they are adults who should be working to pay for school.

Your ex would have a hard time getting this and would waste time and money. I would simply leave it at what you told her and if she presses simply advise youve given your answer and have nothing further to say.

Its sad that your kid is better at understanding this than your ex!
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 08-02-2018, 07:40 PM
Sound11's Avatar
Sound11 Sound11 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 15
Sound11 is on a distinguished road
Default

Your lawyers words are music to my ears! I've kept my responses her emails brief reiterating that my offer is a good one.

That said she is now stating that I had paid half of my eldest's extracurricular activities to the age of 20 and therefore I must do the same for our youngest. In a nutshell to avoid trial I agreed to a lump sum payout during a tense negotiation at our final case conference. My lawyer and I couldn't make sense of many of her claims that were pictures of sticky notes on invoices not receipts. The lump sum payment became the light at the end of long tunnel. Some would say she wore me down and won but she had almost unlimited legal resources through her family (a $10 picture frame that was somehow special to her would become a letter to my lawyer). For the sake of my health, my kids and moving on with life I agreed to their lump sum payout. I have no regrets; a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. So she is now stating that the costs for my 20 year old's activities were included in the lump sum payout and I should now do the same for our youngest. Sigh....

My eldest could attest to a discussion I had with her about being responsible for her own activities as an adult when she was 18 and that she was in full agreement but I really don't want it to come down to having my daughter correct her mother.

I'll stay the course and leave the ball in her court and hope it doesn't end up with time wasted in court.

Thanks for listening.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 08-02-2018, 07:59 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 5,093
rockscan will become famous soon enoughrockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

If she persists and you feel the need to respond you could tell her those expenses were not the same and you dont view them as such.

Best to just put her on ignore and leave it at that.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Relocating to Canada to Have More Time with Children Istanbul Divorce & Family Law 79 05-30-2018 09:32 PM
Joint Physical Custody: Smart Solution or Problematic Plan? WorkingDAD Parenting Issues 19 09-17-2012 06:38 AM
My ex is stealing my kids clothing!! MommaMouse Parenting Issues 54 08-26-2011 09:06 AM
Divorcing Well SigRent Parenting Issues 2 05-06-2010 09:02 PM
Legal Aid serrona Divorce & Family Law 1 10-27-2006 07:00 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:38 AM.