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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 11-08-2019, 12:03 PM
LovingDad1234 LovingDad1234 is offline
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Default Advice for PD Days and School Closures?

Hi All,

Great advice in this forum and thank you for all the support.

Background: My ex tried every length and extreme to purposefully restrict/limit my time with our child, because they wanted the child for themselves only. Became obvious in court, and we landed on a settlement seeing 50/50 parenting occurring in 2 years (graduated steps). My ex hates the settlement, but it was evident they were going to lose badly at trial, likely paying costs. So I'm glad to say it'll be 50/50 eventually, but until that time, my ex made sure that my access was terrible.

My ex has a job where they cannot take time off of work. For school PD days or random school closures when the kids are supposed to be in my ex's care, I always offer that if my ex cannot take the day off, I am more than willing to look after the kids.

However in efforts to ensure that I don't see the kids more than I am supposed to, my ex ignores my communications and then after-the-fact tells me that they got a family member or friend to look after the kids instead. Its petty really.

I tried addressing the above during drafting the agreement, but my ex played hardball insisting the clause come out. I did not want the settlement to fall apart which contained the goal of 50/50, so no such clause dealing with the situation exists in the settlement.

Any advice?
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Old 11-08-2019, 02:54 PM
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Ya, just wait it out. You agreed to a settlement that didn’t have a right of first refusal clause in exchange for getting 50/50 down the line. Meanwhile you parent your child on your time and she will parent on her time. Nobody gets their way 💯 in Family law.
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Old 11-08-2019, 11:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingDad1234 View Post
I tried addressing the above during drafting the agreement, but my ex played hardball insisting the clause come out.

Any advice?
Your ex was correct in removing the RoFR (Right of first refusal) as a court will generally remove a RoFR from any high conflict situation.

See: http://www.yoursocialworker.com/s-ar...st_Refusal.htm

These clauses in high conflict situations only create conflict. So they are removed. Parenting is the responsibility of the parent who the child is residing with at that time. Don't tread on each other's time with the child and things are generally better for the child. So if the other parent is finding reliable help it really shouldn't concern you. It shouldn't have to always be you FIRST.

As time progresses and conflict reduces these clauses are not needed. RoFR clauses are nothing more than a way for waring parents to annoy each other and keep the conflict hot in the forge.

Drop the matter and move on.
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Old 11-10-2019, 09:21 AM
LovingDad1234 LovingDad1234 is offline
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Thanks for the advice! In addition to agreeing to no RoFR in exchange for 50/50 down the line, I also gave away the farm in terms of other clauses I wished to have included and a significant amount of property/money I would’ve rightfully been owed (legitimately). I chose to focus on kids only. My kids, and time with my kids was most important so I wanted to lock in equal parenting, which we agreed to occur in graduated steps. My focus was best interest of kids and felt this was best, as did OCL.

Knowing how my ex is vindictive and constantly agrees to things to later backtrack, I can predict my ex will try to weasel their way out of the agreement mid-way to reaching 50/50, stating that things are fine as they stand and making excuses or false reasons that it’d be detrimental to advance further in increasing access.

Any advice on how to deal or prepare for this inevitable attempt by my ex in continuing attempts to get what they always wanted- kids all to themselves and dad to “stay away and pay”?
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Old 11-10-2019, 01:33 PM
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Does your agreement give a 50-50 schedule? Are there specific dates?

If yes, then I don't see the concern, you either have 50% or you will be getting 50%.

If no, then you don't have 50%, and you will not be getting 50%, and there is nothing you can do about it.
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Old 11-10-2019, 02:55 PM
LovingDad1234 LovingDad1234 is offline
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The 50-50 schedule is spelled out. Graduated phases each step of the way. Then the agreement if spells out the 50/50 days, and even goes as far to say we will consider week on/week off as the way of achieving 50/50.

Issue at hand is that my ex begrudgingly signed agreement. They never wanted 50/50 but OCL recommended 50/50 after a year of transitional increases, and they felt pressure of paying my costs at trial. Tells me daily they hate agreement, and thinks that if they feel it’s not working, they can always change it.

I didn’t give away the farm to get 50/50 to only find myself back in court where they are trying to weasel out of the agreement.
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Old 11-10-2019, 04:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingDad1234 View Post
even goes as far to say we will consider week on/week off as the way of achieving 50/50.

What on earth does "consider" mean?

In family law, "consider" is code for "no fucking way".

Does your agreement say 50-50 or not? "Consider 50-50" is not 50-50
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Old 11-10-2019, 04:38 PM
LovingDad1234 LovingDad1234 is offline
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It’s 50/50 and spelled out explicitly in the agreement. When we eventually reach 50/50, it’s 2-5-2-5. But agreement goes further to say that we will consider a week on/week off approach for simplicity. It is my fear that my ex will try to change agreement mid-way reaching the 50/50–when we reach the level of access they wanted me to have.
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Old 11-10-2019, 09:12 PM
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Originally Posted by LovingDad1234 View Post
It is my fear that my ex will try to change agreement mid-way.
How would she do that? On your days you pick up the kids. If she picks up the kids when it is not your time, you send a demand in writing, and go to her house to get them. If she continues to refuse to go to court and have an emergency motion to get the kids.

This PD thing seems like small potatoes if you think she is going to outright ignore your agreement.
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Old 11-10-2019, 10:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
How would she do that? On your days you pick up the kids. If she picks up the kids when it is not your time, you send a demand in writing, and go to her house to get them. If she continues to refuse to go to court and have an emergency motion to get the kids.

This PD thing seems like small potatoes if you think she is going to outright ignore your agreement.
I think this must be a mistake. I think you were trying to say if she picks up the kids and it is his time?
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