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  • #76
    He died ten days ago and the funeral has already happened. That is why OP delayed contacting the person who was preventing her from having any contact or allowing her to support her own children. A good step-parent would have put the children first and encouraged the girls to be in contact with their only living biological parent. How long do you think a parent should be prevented from seeing their grieving children for the convienece of an adult who should know better - weeks? Months? Maximum contact between parents and children is a foundational pillar of Family Law for a reason.

    As far as I am aware, Judges can only address issues that have been brought before the court in accordance with the Family Law Rules. That is why she needs to file a Motion for the judge to address. The “cannot be heard at this time” phrase is a term of art referring to a procedural issue preventing the current Motion from being heard.
    Last edited by tilt; 09-28-2019, 07:28 PM.

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    • #77
      the oldest is 14 and has been refusing to see the mother. At that age if she really wanted to see or talk to her bio mom she would. The stepmom maybe acting on the kids wishes, we do not know for sure. There is so much backstory that we do not know.

      All I am saying is that if bio mom goes in with guns blazing then it could turn the kids against her. The kids have went through a very tragic loss and need stability right now and time to ease into their new reality. Forcing them to uproot and move without any thought to their feelings/wants/needs isnt good for them.

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      • #78
        I think everyone is raising some good points in this thread.

        Kid's safety and well being is most important. I believe that if anyone checks their provincial child safety website they will find directive that everyone and anyone is obligated to report any situation which may be hazardous to children. That could include, but not limited to, lawyer that is spoken to.

        I would opt to call Children's Services. If they feel the need for police involvement they will certainly make the call. They will quickly assess the immediate situation and remove children or make available immediate counselling services. Perhaps offer to email or fax the text communication to them.

        Then go forward with meeting with lawyer and determining best approach. Like a previous poster indicated, it will be very handy to have documentation in hand when facing a judge.

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        • #79
          The only reason the OP would need to go in with guns blazing is because the children are not in a safe, stable environment. It would be completely different if the stepmom was a reasonable, mature adult.
          The children are currently living with a non relative adult who is unstable, refusing the only living biological parent reasonable access and expressing criminal homicidal ideation. This current situation is dangerous for the children. The stepmother has made it clear she is would not only sabotage the children’s relationship with their mother but would have them lose their one remaining parent by murdering her. How utterly heartless and immoral of the stepmother.

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          • #80
            Hope mother isn't in a posting frenzy on facebook........ I'd recommend radio silence for now. Children Services and her lawyer hopefully will provide good advice going forward.

            I agree with other posters who feel the step-mother has basically now shot herself in the foot with regards to any hope of custody in future. Step mother will likely continue to implode. I just hope the children aren't around to participate.

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            • #81
              Just did a google search on step parents legal rights. Turns out they have none, Nadda, zip unless they legally adopted the stepchild which would require one of the parents to consent to giving up their rights. Furthermore, they have no say in anything to do with the child including who does or does not have access. On the other hand the mother has the fundamental legal right to determine who has access to her children. When a bio parent dies custody automatically passes to the remaining bio parent unless the court deems them unfit.
              Here are the quotes I unearthed in my search:

              “The United States Supreme Court ruled that parents have a fundamental right to raise their children how they see fit, meaning if a custodial ( or non-custodial) parent denies visitation between a child and grandparent or STEPPARENT, the court presumes the decision is in the child’s best interest.”

              Does the stepparent have rights if the bio parent dies?

              “If your partner dies, you don’t automatically get parental responsibility for your stepchild. Parental responsibility passes to your stepchild’s surviving biological parent. Even after bio parents separate they still have shared parental responsibility.”

              “Unless a stepparent has legally adopted a stepchild, they likely have no legal right to make decisions on behalf of the child’s well being. They have no say in the child’s medical decisions, who has access to the child, or educational decisions regarding the child.”

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              • #82
                Stillbreathing, it is very important to be aware of laws that are valid in your own jurisdiction. I doubt the opinion of the US Supreme Court matters to the Judge that the OP will be before.

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                • #83
                  I’m well aware that US law and Canadian law can differ on some points.
                  In searching Canlii I did find some interesting cases.

                  https://www.canlii.org/en/on/oncj/do...&resultIndex=2

                  In the above case the stepmother is awarded some access to the children despite the objections of both bio parents because historically she fostered the relationship between the children and bio parents as well as had a good relationship with the children and was willing to pay child support.

                  https://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/do...&resultIndex=8

                  in the case above the stepmother was denied access to the children. This last case also mentions a case in Saskatchewan where the bio father died and the children where living with the stepmother. I couldn't find that case, maybe somebody else can find it as it sounds applicable to the OP's situation.
                  Last edited by Stillbreathing; 09-28-2019, 11:46 PM.

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                  • #84
                    considering the 14 year old has been refusing to go to the bio mom for access when the father was still alive, does that not count for anything? There is more to the story then a bad stepmom if the child doesnt want to go.

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                    • #85
                      14 year old doesn't want to go for access because of parental alienation suspicion. That needs to be explored. You can't just leave that. Child had no issues before and suddenly became afraid of mom. We know what is clear. Stepmom is unhinged. Kids are in her care and she is refusing to facilitate any kind of access with mom. No decent human being does that. The children need to be interviewed so they can speak freely. They could be afraid and just following stepmom's order. These kids voices need to be heard and as long as they are under step mom's roof they will not speak up. I agree with other poster. Let CAS get involved and take them to foster care becwuse Mom is willing to do what ever is necessary for family reunification.

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                      • #86
                        Originally posted by Helpmyspouse View Post
                        14 year old doesn't want to go for access because of parental alienation suspicion. That needs to be explored. You can't just leave that. Child had no issues before and suddenly became afraid of mom. We know what is clear. Stepmom is unhinged. Kids are in her care and she is refusing to facilitate any kind of access with mom. No decent human being does that. The children need to be interviewed so they can speak freely. They could be afraid and just following stepmom's order. These kids voices need to be heard and as long as they are under step mom's roof they will not speak up. I agree with other poster. Let CAS get involved and take them to foster care becwuse Mom is willing to do what ever is necessary for family reunification.
                        only on the moms part. If I remember two other entities said they did not suspect any parental alienation.

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                        • #87
                          The email response from the girlfriend alone gives credibility to the mother’s allegation of PAS.

                          As for the OP not going to the police or CAS or doing an emergency motion to get the kids to safety because she expressed that she doesn’t want them hating her more... newsflash... kids hate their parents all the time anyways. When you give them a curfew, say no to their demands, enforce the rules of the house. I have a teenager who lives with me and hates me frequently. Especially when she has to do chores when it doesn’t suit her or the fact I won’t let her get her learners until she can show me good behaviour for 6 months straight. It’s normal , especially for teens to hate their parents but as a parent you don’t walk on eggshells around d your kids or let the fact they might be angry with you prevent you from doing the right thing! They are children. You are the adult and it’s up to you to do the right thing by them whether they like it or not. Too bad if they get mad.

                          Who knows maybe the kids don’t really hate her after all. Maybe they are afraid of the nutbar unhinged girlfriend and in reality hate the OP for not having rescued them already from the clutches of the girlfriend. Worrying about how hurting your children’s feelings should not be a consideration when their safety is at stake. They’ll get over it.
                          Last edited by Stillbreathing; 09-29-2019, 02:46 PM.

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                          • #88
                            Stillbreathing, you are spot on. Thanks for putting it so clearly. It's what I have been thinking as well. These kids could be waiting for Mom to rescue them. I have enough on my own plate but honestly I have been losing sleep over this situation. So heartbreaking.

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                            • #89
                              We obviously only know one side of things.

                              If mother doesn't have anything to hide, one would hope that she does the right thing and calls Children's Services for assistance. I think it would be better for professionals to do their analyses of both homes and position the children in the best place until such time as the court makes a decision. I have no personal experience with Children's Services but one would hope that they interview all involved parties; inspect homes; do criminal checks of people living in homes, etc?

                              I recall when I was 10 my parents told me, prior to their extended European tour, that if anything happened to them I would go to live with relatives in another province. I was mortified. These people were bible-thumping types who lived on the farm. I told my parents that I would NEVER live with them. I meant it. It would have been horrible. I'm sure the Children's Services will spend time with the children and try to do the right thing. Losing a parent is a very tough thing.

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                              • #90
                                Thank you all for your advice and thoughts. I just wanted to take a minute to say that I am reading the posts but just haven't had time to post myself since I'm still trying to get my material done for tomorrow...not easy with a chatty 4 year old, A.D.D., a cold which I think has turned into bronchitis and a nasty sinus infection ugh! I'm actually surprising myself at how calm I am and proud that I'm still standing and fighting because the me at the beginning of this battle 9 years ago was a mess and when I got knocked down that's where I stayed for way too long.

                                By the way, I want to let people in on a site I stumbled across a while back...it's called Big White Wall. Big White Wall is a digital mental health support service which is available online, 24/7, and is completely anonymous so you can express yourself freely and openly. Professionally trained Wall Guides monitor the community to ensure the safety and anonymity of all members. In addition to BWW’s online community, you will have access to a wealth of useful information and can work through tailored self-help programs covering topics such as anxiety, sleep, weight management, depression and many more. I'm sure I'm not the only one who doesn't benefit from face to face counselling or just doesn't have time during regular business hours. . It has been a great help for someone like me.

                                To the ones who said that maybe my girls are wanting to be saved...that's exactly what I feel in my gut and my heart. My mother's instinct is telling me there is something off and it's something big. Many studies also say that 80% of kids suffering from PAS want someone to call their bluff and save them. I truly believe that's the case with my girls.

                                The extent of any "investigation" has basically been one 15 minute conversation with each girl.

                                My babies deserve to have a full and happy life and that includes their siblings, their nephews, grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins on both sides and as long as they're with the step mother they won't get that. She has cut off even my mother who she pretended to like before. It's time for my girls to come home and for us to be a family.

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