I met this woman 12 years ago, and we managed to have 3 kids. We spent more than half of that time in long distance, she in the US and I was in Canada. I couldn't move to the US because of immigration and she couldn't sponsor me either. After a few years I managed to bring her to Canada and I was planning to build my family.
I would occasionally have a beer or two with co-workers maybe once a week after work but never coming home at 11PM type of things unless there is something out of normal. She became critical of my occasional drinking habit (never had a single bottle of beer at home since her arrival). She also complained about my religious belief, since I didn't take seriously the religion she believed in. For some reasons, things started escalating and arguments started.
I wasn't perfect for sure but it was frustrating to be around her, constantly criticizing me and asking me to buy worthless things. On Sunday, to take a break from her, I would go out to see my buddy and sort of started flirting with someone that I knew before. I can definitely say that wasn't the smartest thing to do. After a few months (after the mini scandal), she asked me that she would go to the US for some times (there was other reason besides situation, as she was expecting her citizenshin there in US). She also didn't have any specific proof, only pictures at club gathering but I learned my lesson.
Since she was staying in my apartment in the US, at the end of the lease I asked her to come back to Canada because it was getting tiresome, splitting my salary for her expenses, and not being with my kids.
She came back, but in her eyes I was the same person. My shirts are sniffed, my breath is checked, incessant calls when I am out. Clearly the trust had been broken. But just 3 months after her arrival, she asked to go to US for summer break with the kids. She never came back!
Often I would look around the house and couldn't comprehend what has happened to us. I begged her, called her friends, her aunts, her dad; I asked my family member to talk to her to no avail....I accepted my faith in the end.
I was depressed, thought I would become crazy...I left my job and took some time to learn and read a lot. I read about divorce and its impact on people; I learned about myself and learned to be more compassionate...Well, I still have more to learn. Anyway, until recently (2 weeks ago) she had blocked me from calling her; she does that every few months, which means I don't even get the chance to speak to the kids.
Now, she is living in a shelter in US with my 3 kids...The level of stress the kids are experiencing can't be imagined; the oldest at grade 3 sometimes doesn't remember when to use addition or multiplication (I started helping with his homework nightly). But most importantly the oldest is now asking me to be with him. I understand how much we misses each other. I feel like they were kidnapped from me, and that I don't have any right to them. In fact, I believe the reason she has family allowed me to speak to the kids is about drop in the grades of the kids, her not being educated enough to help them, specifically the oldest. Anyway.......
Here is my situation:
1 - how can I go about divorcing her since she is in the US and I am here? She said shes doesn't money to find lawyer...
2 - Since the kids want me to be there, and I also want to be with them, would it be considered worthwhile the risk of leaving my life and go live in the US illegally, losing possibly my little saving in few months? Of course that's the worse case scenario, but I am also looking for jobs there (which is pretty hard with my degree type but I am trying to balance that by learning programming and data science); I also go there every 3 months to spend few days with the kids which I don't think should be a long term plan.
3. I am afraid she might loose the kids because of the way I see them, almost neglected and tiny room while she is yapping on her phone and the kids are screaming...But I am also not sure if I want to spend 50k in a drama filled divorce...What should I do? Sue her until we both run out of money?
Sorry, I may be rambling by now but any help with these 3 issues would help me greatly.....
(I accept criticism too)
I would occasionally have a beer or two with co-workers maybe once a week after work but never coming home at 11PM type of things unless there is something out of normal. She became critical of my occasional drinking habit (never had a single bottle of beer at home since her arrival). She also complained about my religious belief, since I didn't take seriously the religion she believed in. For some reasons, things started escalating and arguments started.
I wasn't perfect for sure but it was frustrating to be around her, constantly criticizing me and asking me to buy worthless things. On Sunday, to take a break from her, I would go out to see my buddy and sort of started flirting with someone that I knew before. I can definitely say that wasn't the smartest thing to do. After a few months (after the mini scandal), she asked me that she would go to the US for some times (there was other reason besides situation, as she was expecting her citizenshin there in US). She also didn't have any specific proof, only pictures at club gathering but I learned my lesson.
Since she was staying in my apartment in the US, at the end of the lease I asked her to come back to Canada because it was getting tiresome, splitting my salary for her expenses, and not being with my kids.
She came back, but in her eyes I was the same person. My shirts are sniffed, my breath is checked, incessant calls when I am out. Clearly the trust had been broken. But just 3 months after her arrival, she asked to go to US for summer break with the kids. She never came back!
Often I would look around the house and couldn't comprehend what has happened to us. I begged her, called her friends, her aunts, her dad; I asked my family member to talk to her to no avail....I accepted my faith in the end.
I was depressed, thought I would become crazy...I left my job and took some time to learn and read a lot. I read about divorce and its impact on people; I learned about myself and learned to be more compassionate...Well, I still have more to learn. Anyway, until recently (2 weeks ago) she had blocked me from calling her; she does that every few months, which means I don't even get the chance to speak to the kids.
Now, she is living in a shelter in US with my 3 kids...The level of stress the kids are experiencing can't be imagined; the oldest at grade 3 sometimes doesn't remember when to use addition or multiplication (I started helping with his homework nightly). But most importantly the oldest is now asking me to be with him. I understand how much we misses each other. I feel like they were kidnapped from me, and that I don't have any right to them. In fact, I believe the reason she has family allowed me to speak to the kids is about drop in the grades of the kids, her not being educated enough to help them, specifically the oldest. Anyway.......
Here is my situation:
1 - how can I go about divorcing her since she is in the US and I am here? She said shes doesn't money to find lawyer...
2 - Since the kids want me to be there, and I also want to be with them, would it be considered worthwhile the risk of leaving my life and go live in the US illegally, losing possibly my little saving in few months? Of course that's the worse case scenario, but I am also looking for jobs there (which is pretty hard with my degree type but I am trying to balance that by learning programming and data science); I also go there every 3 months to spend few days with the kids which I don't think should be a long term plan.
3. I am afraid she might loose the kids because of the way I see them, almost neglected and tiny room while she is yapping on her phone and the kids are screaming...But I am also not sure if I want to spend 50k in a drama filled divorce...What should I do? Sue her until we both run out of money?
Sorry, I may be rambling by now but any help with these 3 issues would help me greatly.....
(I accept criticism too)
Comment