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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 03-05-2011, 08:36 AM
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I need help getting this clarified. Have ROFR included in our final order. So, the other parent has 1st right to first refusal over third party blah blah blah. It's very vague and no specific time is outlined. So, if I am at work, the other parent he has the rights over the childcare? What if it is unpredicable and changes all the time?

Ok, so child is in daycare part time. One of the days grandma who lives with the child watches and has for over 1 year. This has been in place for quite some time now.

The other parent has a business from home and Im guessing is flexible on their days off.
Every week am I suppose to now email and see if they can watch child instead even though I know that they have a commitment on that morning? ( Goes for work related purposes out of town for a few hours)

I am confused by all this! Does daycare count as a third party even though it's been in place for quite some time now.....

What about the other parent being able to use their parents or someone to watch. This is such a gray area.
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Old 03-05-2011, 09:56 AM
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What is the exact language used in the order?

I think that in practice you will find that one of two things happens. He either doesn't exercise it or he does.

If he does then just make sure that he does it routinely as opposed to hap hazard. You can always fall back on the "kids need routine" argument if necessary.

I'll bet that he doesn't exercise it. Too busy at work.
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Old 03-05-2011, 10:10 AM
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You can say that the daycare requires a set schedule for payment purposes to buttress your argument that a routine is necessary for the child.
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Old 03-05-2011, 03:49 PM
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I personally haven't considered regular daycare when I'm at work to be subject to right of first refusal. When one of our daycares was closed for holidays, I asked my ex if he wanted our son some or all of that time or if I should make other arrangements, and he enthusiastically said he would, but later on hemmed and hawed and never got back to me about what days. So I ended up sending that son to the other son's daycare and my ex never had him at all. Our son was disappointed, and I have the impression my passive-aggressive ex didn't want him, for reasons he no doubt considered valid, but didn't want to say so.

My ex has this super-annoying "if I can't figure out what the right thing to say is, don't say anything at all" thing going which really hampers our communication. Part of the reason for our relationship breakdown, now that I think about it.

Anyways, I've always figured right of first refusal was for irregular circumstances, such as needing a babysitter for an evening, or having to go away overnight when the regular daycare is closed.

Having family in your house muddies the waters a bit. How's your communication with your ex? Do you think you could approach him and find out if he wants care of your child second at all times, or only after Grandma but before non-relatives? Does he require a week's notice, for example, and other more urgent circumstances can be Grandma? Hopefully there's no harm approaching him with consideration for his opinion. Makes you look reasonable.

For example, I now know my ex would like our son on PA days instead of him going to daycare, but not those that fall on Thursday or Friday. Which is most, but I can't tell if that's him trying to weasel out of PA days, or being genuinely unable to devote the time. But at least it's clear knowledge I can apply to future PA days.

Last edited by Rioe; 03-05-2011 at 03:51 PM.
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Old 03-07-2011, 05:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tugofwar View Post
Every week am I suppose to now email and see if they can watch child instead even though I know that they have a commitment on that morning? ( Goes for work related purposes out of town for a few hours)
If this is every week (e.g. every Thursday morning), then can you just send ONE email asking them to let you know 24h in advance if they are willing to watch the child on that morning?

Doesn't your daycare require you to commit to a specific schedule - and pay for those days even if you don't use them? (so they can slot another kid into the other days).
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Old 03-07-2011, 09:45 PM
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Exactly. The child is in daycare and has been for over 1 year now. The other parent doesn't want the child in daycare, rather parents or neighbours or whomever else to watch because of the expense. Now being self employed working from home, no predictable hours or really set days of work. All during the court procedures have changed each time. Also the other parent doesn't pay for 1 extra day, I am paying out of my own pocket. Daycare has been proven to be very benefical to our child and it shows in her behaviour, her learning abilities and interacting with other children. Why would anyone want to take that away just so they don't have to pay or have grandma watching tv and movies with her all day is better? The other parent cannot commit the whole day to watching. Claims they work from home but frequently have to go out and could be gone for hours.....
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Old 03-07-2011, 10:26 PM
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If he wants to save the money, he has to commit to the time (whether it is himself or grandma watching).

Unfortunate about watching tv/movies etc, but that is really not the issue.
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Old 03-07-2011, 10:31 PM
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If it is one day it would be at my expense. And what happens if they say they want a full day then don't show up etc. That would leave me scrambling for care. That's what happened before.
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