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Desperately seeking advise with this situation!

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  • Desperately seeking advise with this situation!

    Is there a proper way one should write up an agreement on how things should be handled/dealt with, when living in the same home?
    My ex has come back after 5 months!!!!!….he’s sleeping in the house every night… in the bed I was sleeping in and now am forced out of unless I want him beside me (NOT)… so now I’m avoiding going home as much as possible (yes, I know, giving in to him with what he wants - but seriously, he’s not sane, he is indeed a sociopath, so it’s best for my mental and emotional well being to try and avoid him).
    Anyway, he has invited casual sex partners (one of which is recently out of jail, another is trying to get a dominatrix prostitution business underway) to my home, on evenings and mornings he thinks I will not be there (and most evening I am not there…mornings he phones my work to see if I am at work which is an hour away, and hangs up on me so he’ll know if I will be at the house or not).
    This is killing me … I know I am not suppose to get emotional and the best thing to do is let it go but I can’t. These women are in my home, MY place to feel safe, where my personal things are, and they are not the calibre of person I trust to even have a bottle of perfume on the counter for fear of it going missing.
    I’d like to write and leave a letter expressing that since he has moved back in, certain terms and conditions have to be shared by the both of us. Such as a common courtesy in late night noise, trying to avoid waking the other person. A common respect for it being the others home as well and the avoidance of bringing ‘dates’ into the house, etc…
    Can anyone PLEASE give me some advice on how this should be written, how it should be worded, if it can be used legally if he doesn’t agree to it, and ANY other thoughts or information you can think of….
    I really need help with this issue as it is pushing over the edge he already has me balancing on.
    Thanks so much for any time give to share thoughts and ideas in regards to my wacked out situation.

  • #2
    RI are there children in the home?

    Comment


    • #3
      Were you married? Common Law?

      Do you own? Rent? Whose name is the mortgage in? How long was the relationship? Are there children involved?

      What you need to do is seek an order for exclusive possession of the matrimonial home (assuming you own here) due to his leaving for 5 months.

      You should have done this far earlier than now.

      For NOW, until you can get things sorted away, you need to go buy a padlock, and get yourself a separate bedroom. Move all your things there.

      Comment


      • #4
        Make sure to remove important documents like banking statements, passport etc and put it somewhere safe or at a friends house at least.

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        • #5
          You said your ex has moved himself back into your house, after having moved out 5 months ago, is not sane, is a sociopath, unreasonable and does what he wants.

          Why do you think he would agree to anything you propose?

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          • #6
            ConcernedSM78…Yes, “I” have a child but because of this absolute madness, I have arranged for him to stay with a friend of mine close to the University he is attending his first year at. Once I have some funds to move, he will rejoin me in a CALM HOME until he is done school. Lord knows he doesn’t need to be in that house right now!
            NB Dad…Our house is owned jointly, both names on deed, both contributed – common law 7 yrs.
            I was going to try to gain sole possession of the home but I couldn’t get anything done with my lawyer’s office since July (this week I threw a fit and now something is finally moving with them). Tomorrow he will be served an offer to buy me out for 50% of the equity less the difference I will give back to him for his larger down payment (I know I don’t need to do this but I want to make it easy to get done and over with). He is to give us an answer within 7days so I can get out of there if he is buying me out. Can I actually lock him out of a room?...hmmmmm good idea if I am allowed to do that!
            TugOfWar….I have removed important things from the home already such as passports and legal docs. Now I’m thinking of removing even more of the things that are mine to ensure they are not stolen or damaged.
            Frustratedwithex….You are absolutely right. His personality is that he won’t agree to anything I propose. But I wondered if I put something in writing and gave him a copy, if maybe it would help my case and show that I AM TRYING TO BE CIVIL and he just thinks and does whatever he wants instead. Would a document like that, or several, not do some benefit even though I know its wasting ink when it comes to him agreeing to anything?
            Thanks to everyone who is trying to help...it is very much appreciated!!!

            Comment


            • #7
              Can I actually lock him out of a room?...hmmmmm good idea if I am allowed to do that
              House...no...not without an exclusive possession order.
              A room that you are claiming as your bedroom...yes, certainly you can.

              I would not leave ANYTHING of value in there, basically your bed, your sheets, your clothes and any other personal sundries.

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              • #8
                darn if the child was younger may be able to call CAS

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                • #9
                  gonna go buy me a big stinkin lock! thanks for that idea!!!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by ConcernenedStepMom78 View Post
                    darn if the child was younger may be able to call CAS
                    good idea, but I'd rather keep my son out of it completely if i can... he's endured enough already... poor kid Lucky i have a place for him right now that is safe....
                    and when i think about it further...there IS A CHILD IN THE HOUSE NOW... my ex
                    (sorry... i know i shouldnt' call names but he's driving me nuts... after a vent bitch session I'm sure I'll go back to trying to be an example of how I'd like to be treated ) somedays it's just hard to keep cool

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      You do not need to get a lawyer to get your ex out of the house. He is bringing in sex partners and jail birds, and you claim he is insane and a sociopath. You can make an application to have him removed from the house and a restraining order, and at the same time you will get temporary exclusive possession of the house(unmarried people are not entitled to exclusive possession, but judges still give it to some people based on the situation), and child support. These are easy to get, and best part of it is you don't need a lawyer, nor even tell him about it, and there is no actual need for any proof of anything you claim.

                      http://www.attorneygeneral.jus.gov.o...y/violence.asp
                      Last edited by rwm1273; 10-21-2010, 06:52 PM.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by rwm1273 View Post
                        These are easy to get, and best part of it is you don't need a lawyer, nor even tell him about it, and there is no actual need for any proof of anything you claim.
                        Total crock of s**t.

                        Obtaining exclusive possession of the marital home would seem to be your remedy, but in the absence of violence it's not nearly as easy as the poster above would have you believe, otherwise there would be a parade of folks singing their song at court based on their vindictiveness alone, no evidence.

                        In your case, it will be difficult unless you can bring persuasive evidence that there are hookers and doms in your home. Your word alone will be discounted, so be prepared to provide objective third party evidence. I'm guessing that won't be easy to do in the circumstances.

                        Good luck.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Getting a temporary restraining order is easy. You only need to make the claim that you have FEAR of the other person. No proof of actual abuse needed. Perhaps some judges and court clerks may be more difficult to convince than others, but there are many who have been arrested and given a restraining order for nothing other than the partner's say so.

                          It may be more difficult to get a more permanent order, as the other party will be able to provide a defense. This is where you will need the higher burden of proof.

                          How to Obtain a Restraining Order in Ontario | eHow.com
                          http://www.attorneygeneral.jus.gov.o...rder_forms.pdf
                          http://www.ontla.on.ca/library/repos...010/296269.pdf
                          Last edited by rwm1273; 10-21-2010, 11:17 PM. Reason: spelling

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by dadtotheend View Post
                            Total crock of s**t.

                            Obtaining exclusive possession of the marital home would seem to be your remedy, but in the absence of violence it's not nearly as easy as the poster above would have you believe, otherwise there would be a parade of folks singing their song at court based on their vindictiveness alone, no evidence.

                            In your case, it will be difficult unless you can bring persuasive evidence that there are hookers and doms in your home. Your word alone will be discounted, so be prepared to provide objective third party evidence. I'm guessing that won't be easy to do in the circumstances.

                            Good luck.
                            I agree with you. I had a restraining order against a former partner but only got it when he was found guilty of having a hidden recording device hooked up to my phone (after he moved out) plus he took a baseball bat and destroyed almost all my furniture. We were not common law so he was charged with that also. I had tried to get an order before that with no luck as he had not done anything yet except keep coming back to the home when I wasn't there. He was listed as part owner on all documents. I was told he had every legal right to bring who he wanted there, my only recourse was if there was illegal activity going on, then I could report it to the police.

                            so lets see if a woman says that a man hit her to get him arrested and out of the house that is not good. But you can make accusations without proof and that is the way to get the person out?? What makes one okay and the other not?

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                            • #15
                              WHy cant you just change the LOCKS on the house? if the ex doesnt have the keys...unless he/she breaks a window to get n well in that case then you can maybe charge with property damage...not sure on that one because it would still tech be half their property too....My ex when we first seperated and although my name was on lease, we lived together but I NEVER got a key, so if I left I ahd to wait for him to get back to the house or leave the doors unlocked. Oh and my name finally came off the lease as of about 6 months ago weven thought I had remarried and my divorce said I had no further financial obligation....which also made me liable for all the utilities.....LOL

                              Comment

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