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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 07-27-2009, 09:30 PM
#1StepMom #1StepMom is offline
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Default NCP Buying Items CP Failing to Provide

How does one work this mess out?

In the past, the NCP was responsible for everything for the child in his home. From underwear to rain boots - you name it, the NCP had purchased the items for his home, on top of paying child support. This was practiced for years because the CP would not provide any items for visits. (The few she did provide in the beginning, she would demand money for because "after the visit" she noticed a stain or tear. So she stopped providing clothing and other necessities altogether when the NCP refused to play her game and hand over the cash for items that were ruined on arrival.)

One day in court, the NCP brought this issue up, claiming that it was too expensive to have to pay child support AND provide the child with all the necessities in his home during visits and vacations. The judge indicated that it is common practice for CP's to provide clothing and necessities with the child each visit, because that is what child support is for. (This was not written in the order, just stated matter-of-factly by the judge.)

NCP began relying on CP to provide these necessities. Although CP would provide a bag with a few outfits, it was never enough and many of the actual necessities were missing, causing the NCP to have to purchase the items for the child.

NCP attempted to ask the CP to reimburse him for the items by providing receipts and valid reasons as to why the purchases were required (ex: the child was to attend daycamp but was no provided with a backpack; the child had soccer lessons but was not provided with soccer cleats, let alone running shoes; the child had swimming lessons but was not provided with a swimsuit; the weather has been rainy and cool lately but the child was not provided with a raincoat or long sleeve shirt or pants; etc.) But the CP will have none of it. The CP feels that she is not in the wrong and that it is the NCP's choice to purchase these items... despite the emails the NCP sent to the CP reminder her of the required items 3 days prior to him picking up the child. Again, the CP feels that she has acted accordingly in every way. (For a 10-day visit, the child was sent with 3-4 outfits consisting of shorts and t-shirts and one pair of sandals. No sweaters or coats for cooler or rainy days or evenings, no running shoes required to attend his daycamp, no swimshorts required for his swimming lessons, etc.)

The NCP has spent over $120 on these items in order to provide the child with the necessities for his activities. The CP was fully aware of the activities the child would be involved in during his vacation time with the NCP, yet still failed to provide the items.

Is it worth the fight?

What can be said to the CP to maybe open her eyes to her failing to be a responsible CP by providing common every-day necessities?

Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.
Old 07-28-2009, 12:16 AM
stressedby-X stressedby-X is offline
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Default Not Worth It

I'm not sure if it is worth the fight and in the long run may cause more problems that it is worth. Is it fair? No. But who is going to miss out without the required items.

I would just point out that perhaps in the rush that she may have forgotten some of the required items. Can you keep them for other visits?

My grandma also said you can get more with honey than vinegar! I am sure the honey will go a long way one day. I know this isn't the answer you wanted but......
Old 07-28-2009, 07:02 AM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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what my friend did is she and her husband bought clothes for his son when he came to visit. As soon as he stepped in the door he changed into the clothes they provided and when he left he changed back into the clothes he was sent with. The did not buy everything new so it wasn't that costly. I think the only new stuff they bought were shoes and underwear and socks.
Old 07-28-2009, 09:36 AM
#1StepMom #1StepMom is offline
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We used to provide everything as well and do the same as what Standing on the Sidelines suggested. But it got pretty costly, that is why - on a judge's suggestion - we attempted to share the child's clothes in the sense that the CP provides the necessary items for visits. Not surprisingly to us, we had to provide the duffle bag.

When we first put this new practice into play, we informed the CP that we would like to trust her in her responsibility to provide the necessary items. That trust is still not there, as every visit there are items missing... items which the CP knows are required.

We do plan on keeping the items we purchase. After all, it is likely that we will need them again when the CP fails to provide them.

I think what bothers us most about the situation is that the CP doesn't feel she's obligated to be responsible in this regard. She feels that she is doing us a favour by providing a few outfits. She even said that it's not her role to provide "extraordinary" items. Since when is a raincoat (given the rain we've been having daily) extraordinary? Or a pair or running shoes?

My husband and I just feel that given how much we already provide (child support, daycare, extraordinary expenses, items for the child in our home, full costs of daycamps and activities on our time, etc.) the CP should be responsible for certain things as well. Sadly, in our situation, she feels her only responsibility is to collect $$$.

As a CP, do you think it would be that difficult to provide some necessary items (even permanently if you don't want to pack certain "extraordinary" things each visit) for the NCP's home so that the child has what would be required during his visits and vacations? After all, the NCP pays child support to help purchase those items.
Old 07-28-2009, 10:41 AM
Daba Daba is offline
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When I was a kid the only thing I kept at my dad's house was a toothbrush! Every second weekend I packed my own bag with the toys,books, clothes I needed. It worked out fine for us, starting from the time I was six. How old is your son? anyway you could get around his mom by involving him to choose what he wants to bring?
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