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  • question about when to change laywer/mediator

    Hi,


    Brief background- my ex common law partner and I have been separated about 2.5 yrs..We have a 5 year old that lives with me 5 days per week, lives w ex 2 nights and ex visits during the week as well (all but one night per week)...This is mostly because I am 8 minutes to the school and he is about 50 minutes to the school. Once CS became an issue in mediation he began pushing for more o/nights.
    Up until a week ago he paid a portion of child support -100 a week-(probably not full amount as I don't know last year's income statement) plus half daycare. He says he will now only pay half the daycare.


    We have no parenting plan in writing- we have been going through a private mediator (she is a social worker) pretty much since we split up...she was helpful in dealing with the matrimonial home, but we are stuck on issues with CS and parenting plan- ex keeps saying he will bring me to court- I am running out of money to spend on this mediator but I understand going to court is also costly so have been trying to avoid that.


    As for a lawyer- I have consulted with one off and on for past 4 months- she did not require a retainer. The issue w the lawyer is that she has not responded to my email or calls and it has been a week. Is this reasonable or normal? It feels semi urgent as it is regarding the ex stopping payments and trying to figure out what to do next. The mediator has offered an option of her mediating with the lawyers...any advice would be much appreciated. thank you.

  • #2
    Originally posted by parenting View Post
    Hi,


    Brief background- my ex common law partner and I have been separated about 2.5 yrs..We have a 5 year old that lives with me 5 days per week, lives w ex 2 nights and ex visits during the week as well (all but one night per week)...This is mostly because I am 8 minutes to the school and he is about 50 minutes to the school. Once CS became an issue in mediation he began pushing for more o/nights.
    Up until a week ago he paid a portion of child support -100 a week-(probably not full amount as I don't know last year's income statement) plus half daycare. He says he will now only pay half the daycare.


    We have no parenting plan in writing- we have been going through a private mediator (she is a social worker) pretty much since we split up...she was helpful in dealing with the matrimonial home, but we are stuck on issues with CS and parenting plan- ex keeps saying he will bring me to court- I am running out of money to spend on this mediator but I understand going to court is also costly so have been trying to avoid that.


    As for a lawyer- I have consulted with one off and on for past 4 months- she did not require a retainer. The issue w the lawyer is that she has not responded to my email or calls and it has been a week. Is this reasonable or normal? It feels semi urgent as it is regarding the ex stopping payments and trying to figure out what to do next. The mediator has offered an option of her mediating with the lawyers...any advice would be much appreciated. thank you.
    Did you pay the lawyer you had "consulted with one off and on for past 4 months" who didn't require a retainer? No one should be expected to work for free. If you can't afford a lawyer then check out legal aid in your area but do be prepared to wait long intervals of time.

    If you have the means to retain a lawyer and you haven't received call-backs then definitely move on to the next one. However, think back to the 4 meetings you had with previous lawyer - perhaps he/she has given you advice on your situation already?

    Contact FRO (Family Responsibility Office) and see what you need to have them enforce CS. Some people have great relationships with their ex's but still go through FRO for CS and find that separating money issues from parenting is the way to go. I believe court would endorse this as Child Support is the right of the child.

    Comment


    • #3
      Even when people threaten to go to court they usually work things out before they get there. The threat seems very empty. If I am understanding right your ex is simultaneously threatening court and not paying child support anymore and not sharing last years income?

      Comment


      • #4
        Paying parents are obligated to disclose their income and pay up to date child support. Forget about their threats. Tell them you expect disclosure of their income immediately and child support to be paid in full. If they refuse, file a motion for support. The time for mediation is over. Child support is non negotiable.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by parenting View Post
          [The lawyer] did not require a retainer. The issue w the lawyer is that she has not responded to my email or calls and it has been a week. Is this reasonable or normal?
          Maybe the lawyer does not like to work for free. I have a side job with customers, some who pay and some who think that they can get my services for free. I'll still engage with the latter (hoping to eventually turn that into a revenue stream) but with a substantially lower sense of urgency. Essentially, when I'm bored and available.

          It feels semi urgent as it is regarding the ex stopping payments and trying to figure out what to do next.
          Get a separation plan in writing. Give the ex a brief window to sign it. When ex refuses to sign it, start an application and get support ordered. Don't dawdle, if you ex is not paying money is going to be tighter down the road which just makes every step more complicated.

          Comment


          • #6
            Thanks everyone.
            I emailed the lawyer over a month re when and how she would invoice me. She replied that it would be via email but that she had not yet sent anything.
            I will try once more to call her office as she already knows a lot about the case

            Comment


            • #7
              my ex common law partner and I have been separated about 2.5 yrs.
              We have no parenting plan in writing- we have been going through a private mediator (she is a social worker) pretty much since we split up...
              2.5 years of negotiation... YES it's time to change mediators. If he's payed CS up until a week ago, how was it originally calculated? Is there a drastic change in his income? If not, you could use last years to calculate a rough amount.

              Apart from the 50 min drive, why could the ex not have more time? It is their child as well. Sounds like the ex is pretty involved, weekends and daily visits.

              Comment


              • #8
                Well update..no word back from lawyer and ex has informed me he will pick up our child from school on one of my days as it is his bday. I replied that I was not w her on my bday and that I did not agree. We are following an interim agreement which was never signed or witnessed..there is history of things escalating which is not good for our child. Feel very stuck as if ex believes he can do what he wants.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Get a new lawyer. Forget about the old one. You'll usually need at least 5k for a retainer though. Can you swing that? If not- you might have to self rep. Many people do it. You can to.

                  Do you qualify for legal aid.

                  If your ex is bullying you and forcing you to accept stuff- this isn't good for you or your child. You need to get a clear order in place with respect to custody and access- even if it's only a temporary one.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by parenting View Post
                    Well update..no word back from lawyer and ex has informed me he will pick up our child from school on one of my days as it is his bday. I replied that I was not w her on my bday and that I did not agree. We are following an interim agreement which was never signed or witnessed..there is history of things escalating which is not good for our child. Feel very stuck as if ex believes he can do what he wants.
                    Who cares if you were with her on your birthday? He obviously wants to see his daughter on his birthday and I would think that’s a good thing no? I mean it’s not like he’s trying to change access on you every week, his birthday is only once a year.

                    Coming from a mom whose ex has cancelled access weekends with his daughter 2 years in a row because it was on the same weekend as his birthday. I would be over the moon happy if he called me up and said he wanted to pick up our daughter from school one night and have her for his birthday. She would be so pumped to celebrate her daddy’s birthday with him.

                    Please please please don’t get caught up in denying special visits like this, especially if it’s “payback” for not having her on your birthday. Be the bigger person and let them have fun together. It will only reflect well on your part of this goes to court. And it will probably soften your ex up a bit.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by parenting View Post
                      Well update..no word back from lawyer and ex has informed me he will pick up our child from school on one of my days as it is his bday.
                      This seems like a poor choice of hill to die on.

                      I would respond: "Of course! I think that is a wonderful idea! I was always hoping that we would be able to have the kid on our birthdays, it is often a special day"

                      To be clear, I don't get the kids on my birthday or give up the kids on ex's birthday, so I think it is actually a stupid idea, but it is always good to look reasonable and accommodating when negotiating in writing. And seriously, who cares? He takes the kid for a day, the world will not rend itself to pieces as a result.

                      there is history of things escalating which is not good for our child.
                      Cute use of the passive voice. Hopefully you have the insight to recognize that you are the one who is likely about to escalate this, not your ex.

                      Comment

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