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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11  
Old 01-25-2019, 09:36 AM
StillPaying StillPaying is offline
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I don't agree with a lot of the opinions on this one. This is an agreement you both made a long time ago. Ex wanted more time and for you to do weekends. It's not something I would agree to but there is nothing wrong with that.

Don't give up time. Keep offering 50/50 options, but you don't have to agree to anything. For sure your ex is trying to cause issues to show a material change. I would move pickup and drop offs to a public place if possible, and then record it with my cell phone. If you have to wait an hour with your ex, do it with a smile while you let the kids play and have fun. Eventually your ex will want to leave and she won't be able to keep it up. The recording is basically useless but may stop your ex from condoning their behaviour.
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  #12  
Old 01-25-2019, 10:49 AM
denbigh denbigh is offline
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It sounds fairly reasonable expectations that the kids are ready within a few minutes of arriving to go out the door. You shouldnít have to step foit inside to chase then around and carry them out at 6 and 8 years old. I donít know what you do about it if ex uncooperative

It is also reasonable that your ex wants a Saturday. You canít expect that your ex never ever gets a full weekend with the kids. That means one parent had all the drudgery of rushing around every morning and every evening and no down time while the other parent gets to be the fun parent. And one parent can never plan a weekend trip. And make a change to the transition too, such that kids meet you in the car instead of the door, or somewhere else?
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  #13  
Old 01-25-2019, 10:51 AM
denbigh denbigh is offline
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Maybe if you trade a Saturday for a weekday with the insistence of a change in how transitions are done you ex would agree to that?
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  #14  
Old 01-25-2019, 10:57 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by denbigh View Post
Maybe if you trade a Saturday for a weekday with the insistence of a change in how transitions are done you ex would agree to that?


OP followed by stating his ex wonít give up any time. Now its a case of how to get her to agree to an adjustment that doesnt see him losing time.
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  #15  
Old 01-25-2019, 11:02 AM
denbigh denbigh is offline
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I looked at the other thread and it said ex what to trade Saturday for a Monday. So that seems reasonable, or a different day of the week. Poster said would agree to trade Saturday for a Friday and ex wouldnít do that. Not sure what difference which day of the week it would make. It seems both are unwilling to compromise and now Mom is making transition sifficulti
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  #16  
Old 01-25-2019, 11:48 AM
StillPaying StillPaying is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by denbigh View Post
It is also reasonable that your ex wants a Saturday.
Do you also think it's reasonable to renege on an agreement?
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  #17  
Old 01-25-2019, 01:05 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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She isnít reneging on an agreement. The schedule worked when they had it and now its not working. What is unreasonable is one parent trying to withhold the kids, creating unnecessary drama or being stubborn about negotiating an alternative. We are hearing one side of it and trying to help. The bottom line is the kids are struggling (for whatever reason) on their Saturday pick up.
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  #18  
Old 01-25-2019, 01:17 PM
denbigh denbigh is offline
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I think it is reasonable to change schedules as children age. My kids days and weeks at age 2 were not the same as age 6 or will they be again at 16. That is true if all kids whether intact or not families. It is entirely reasonable for divorced families to also need to change parenting schedules as their kids grow up. Clearly the schedule is not working great for anyone in this case, not the ex, not the kids and problem caused by the schedule is transition which is impacting everybody. It seems the disagreement, as the poster started moms wants to change and he is willing but they canít agree on whether Monday or Friday is the day to change. Does the day of the week matter?
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  #19  
Old 01-25-2019, 01:22 PM
StillPaying StillPaying is offline
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It sounds nice, but it doesn't work that way. They had an agreement/order. Ex now wants to change it, but will need a material change. Child taking longer to get in the car 1 day a week is not a material change, neither is ex now wanting weekend time.

Only ex is being unreasonable here. The option is available for 50/50. If they don't want that, they shouldn't be able to change their agreement so they get majority time and weekends.
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  #20  
Old 01-26-2019, 12:46 AM
nofrills nofrills is offline
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thank you everyone for you input.

It seem the focus is on the transition. The transition is 1% of the total time that the kids are with me, yet everyone including my ex is using it to extrapolate the kids are not doing well. Is this what the courts and the public will focus on?

I am a good father. The kids are fine when they are with me. i have done everything in my power to give them the experience and opportunities that I never had. I have taken them to mexico, cruises, cottages, camps, skiing, tennis, fishing trips, etc. I have taught them math and science (STEM). My 8yr daughter is way ahead of her class in Math and is doing excellent in school. My son is killing it in SK. All the teachers are telling me they are doing excellent. I do all these things and i'm so proud of them. And I am taking them to Punta Cana in two weeks. Yet, the focus is this transition and many are implying the kids are not doing doing well.

It kills me that I have such a hard time receiving them on Saturdays at 4pm. And it shouldn't be that way.

I am more than happy to give up a Saturday, but it need to be fair to me. I only have the kids 3/7 days, so I am happy to exchange alternating Saturdays for alternating Fridays, so that both the ex and i can have a Friday and Saturday every 2 weeks. Or she can give up 2 alternating week days for an alternating Saturday. With regards to swapping the Monday for a Saturday, not the same as kids are at school and i'm at work so not equivalent.

Ideally i want week on week off or 2255, which would be perfect. Ex doesn't want any of that, yet ex says the kids are still too young. Again, there is no material change for me to force a 2255 or week-on-week-off schedule.
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