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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 02-16-2016, 08:21 AM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Default Children's Activities

I am pretty sure I know the answer but can someone please clarify for me. Some background...

Parents separated 6 years
2 children S10 and D7
Children played baseball about 3 years ago but only did one season
No other activities that are shared between the parents
Parents live about 1.5 hours away
Dad has EOW

Mom has a new partner. Him and his daughter play a winter sport. Kids have never shown interest in this sport. Mom wants to sign the kids up for this sport so they can play with the new partners daughter. The cost is about $500 per child plus equipment.

Dad isn't opposed to the kids playing if mom wants to sign them up, however with having only EOW he doesn't want to be forced to spend all his weekends at this sport. Some games would end up being 2.5 hours away from Dads house.

Their agreement states that dad will ensure the kids make it to their extracurricular activities on his time provided he agreed to the activity. I don't think that clause it totally enforceable but what do others do in this situation?

Mom wants to split the cost equally. Mom makes about $15000 more than dad a year. Dad asked both kids, one said they wouldn't mind trying it the other said they did not want to play. Dad doesn't want to be funding this family sport for mom and her new spouse or be forced to drive 2.5 hours to attend a game if the kids are really not into it.

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Old 02-16-2016, 12:23 PM
dinkyface dinkyface is offline
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Is it a seasonal sport? (i.e. perhaps room for compromise on winter vs summer)
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Old 02-16-2016, 12:35 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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I assume so. Mom said it starts in October. S10 has expressed interest in baseball but does not want to play broomball. Mom hasn't provided a ton of details on this only that is needs to be paid in the summer for registration
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Old 02-16-2016, 12:38 PM
Beachnana Beachnana is offline
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Option 1
If neither child is that pumped about playing then just say no. You can explain to your children that you only see them every other weekend and the time is too precious to split it up with excessive travel and a sport they are not interested in. Tell your ex you do not agree, will not contribute and no activities should be schedule on your weekends.

Option 2
Refuse to contribute and do not bring them to games on your weekends.

Option 3

Agree that they can play if they want, but you want makeup time. Say 2 weeks more in the summer.

Option 4

Agree and take them to the games, but knowing it's only for 1 season and it's done!
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Old 02-16-2016, 07:45 PM
stripes stripes is offline
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Maybe Dad could offer to share the equipment and lesson costs of the sport as an S7 expense (proportional to income), with the understanding that if games are scheduled on his weekend, the kids stay with Mom and he will have makeup time with the kids (possibly one of Mom's non-game weekends, or more time in the summer). If Mom has primary residence with the kids, it strikes me as not unreasonable to want the kids to have some activities in common with the rest of the stepfamily, but any plans have to take into account Dad's priorities too. I think the worst-case scenario is where Dad is spending all of his weekends driving kids to and from Mom's sports and resenting it, and that's what Dad should try to avoid.

Of course, Dad is also completely free to just say no to the whole ball of wax if he chooses - no cost-sharing, no changes to the schedule, and no games on his time.
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Old 02-18-2016, 10:09 PM
Karver Karver is offline
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In my case, the arbitrator ordered my kids ski (they don't care for it, no one cares they don't like it, the dad loves it, and that's the most important thing) and ordered that if I don't take them skiing, my ex will take them whether it's my weekend or not. My ex is too poor to pay child support, but expensive ski racing he has money for. So not only do I get no child support, my ex has control of my weekends. I'm bitter.
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Old 02-18-2016, 10:15 PM
Karver Karver is offline
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I'm now selling my house as I'm being financially destroyed, but who cares where we live as long as they do ski racing.
At least I don't have to pay for it. Although I guess that's where all the child support is going.
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