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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #11  
Old 12-01-2014, 02:31 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Originally Posted by DowntroddenDad View Post
I fully supported my kids bond with my ex's new husband. He would like to be my FB friend, and I haven't gone that far, but they like him and he seems a decent guy, and scary to say, a lot like me - work in same field, same height, similar background, grew up less than a 100 kms from each other.
I hear a lot of people say the new partners are a lot like them, but I can honestly say her and I are totally opposite and she has admitted that as well. Not to put anyone down, but I come from a wonderful family, obtained my education and work in the same company I have since 2008 (which was one of my first jobs). She has no education and goes from factory to factory, but my partner was the same when we first met, no education and he worked dead end jobs (through a placement agency). It took us a couple years to get him where he is today.

Our success should have no impact on her. Despite working factory, she made more than the two of us put together up until last year. Now together we make about $10k more than her and that is because of my promotion.

We all do what we can for the children and I just hope for her sake that she doesn't push her children away because she seems more focused on what they say about us, than anything else.
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  #12  
Old 12-01-2014, 04:22 PM
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blinkandimgone blinkandimgone is offline
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Dr. Phil does some great articles about assigning your child a job, the job of being a parent's emotional support and the impact it can have on kids. I would link some articles but can't at the moment, but strongly suggest googling them to get a better understanding. It sounds like this is what mom is doing here.
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  #13  
Old 12-02-2014, 09:16 AM
wantmyfreedom wantmyfreedom is offline
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Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
I hear a lot of people say the new partners are a lot like them, but I can honestly say her and I are totally opposite and she has admitted that as well. Not to put anyone down, but I come from a wonderful family, obtained my education and work in the same company I have since 2008 (which was one of my first jobs). She has no education and goes from factory to factory, but my partner was the same when we first met, no education and he worked dead end jobs (through a placement agency). It took us a couple years to get him where he is today.

Our success should have no impact on her. Despite working factory, she made more than the two of us put together up until last year. Now together we make about $10k more than her and that is because of my promotion.

We all do what we can for the children and I just hope for her sake that she doesn't push her children away because she seems more focused on what they say about us, than anything else.
I hear ya. On the flipside my current partner's ex wife hates me and trash talks me to the kids and anyone else who will care to listen to her. I dont care either way though. There are certain things I have no control over.

She's damaging her own relationship with her own kids by injecting hate into their lives.

Same thing here. We are the polar opposites. In appearance, education level, and career.

At the end of the day all we can really do is be compassionate and be loving to our kids.
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  #14  
Old 12-02-2014, 09:50 AM
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Im the complete opposite of the ex and actually have a pile of things in common with the kids. Which is a sticking point with her and probably part of the reason she pitches a fit over the kids spending time with me. Its also hard on my partner because a lot of the things I do or say are genuine but with her it had strings attached or caused issues. Right down to gifts. It has been a struggle just to get him to put aside 20 years of abuse but we're doing it. Hes struggling more with his kids sharing their mothers view of me. I would prefer she not confuse them emotionally the way she does. I have ZERO desire to be their step mother or steal them away from her. I know what its like to go through this ugliness and I would NEVER play a role in encouraging it.

I just keep reminding him that her campaign of terror will end eventually and she'll only be left with her negativity (like my mother) he just has to work through the difficulties of not seeing or speaking to his kids for a while. Hes luckier than most parents, he had 15 years with his kids where some parents lose them much younger.

Many many many people dont realize how hard it is on the kids. Testing of the loyalties, worrying about upsetting mommy or daddy, keeping everyone happy, being a good kid, and then all the other growing up angst.
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  #15  
Old 12-02-2014, 11:18 AM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
Dr. Phil does some great articles about assigning your child a job, the job of being a parent's emotional support and the impact it can have on kids. I would link some articles but can't at the moment, but strongly suggest googling them to get a better understanding. It sounds like this is what mom is doing here.
I will look this up. Thanks Blink!
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  #16  
Old 12-02-2014, 11:32 AM
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Janibel Janibel is offline
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We were 13, 11 and 9 when my parents split and we would come home from afternoon visits with my dad to find my mom passed out on the bathroom floor from anxiety. I can tell you that for my brother (at 9) it destroyed him to see her like that.

Stripes' lines are great. As long as kid knows that its ok to love dad and spend time with dad and be happy with dad he'll be ok. The three of us carried that guilt of upsetting mom by spending time with dad until we were well into our 20s and that was AFTER we stopped the visits to protect moms feelings. Its really unfair to say this stuff to them. Mom doesnt realize the damage shes potentially doing.
It's sad when children are put in this position by one of the parents. Children already have guilt issues when there is divorce and naturally want to try to make things better - emotionally it's a matter of survival for them.

Our son was 23 when we split up and even at that age, he for some reason, assumed it was his fault in some way ... As much as I dislike the ex and the way he now lives, I tell myself that genetically at least, Dad is 50% of my son. To criticize my Ex would be to criticize my son - so I don't do it! I encourage him to spend time with his Dad and help him to remember the good qualities that his father does have ... (not easy but I try lol)
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