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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 03-23-2013, 12:18 PM
FB_ FB_ is offline
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Default Tips for dealing with stress

My long motion is coming up May 8th. I signed my Affidavit and Notice of Motion yesterday.

For the past 2 weeks I have not been sleeping at all. I just can't seem to turn my mind off. I fall asleep normally but awake at all hours of the night/morning with my mind just racing. It actually started in regards to work but know all I think about is court. I have many dreams and thoughts on how it will go. Sometimes it goes well other times not well.

I have access to free counseling and have done it in the past. Although I'm not sure it will help in this situation. Last time I went they talked to me and focused on asking me what I wanted. Both counselors I have seen basically told me I seem to know what I want and they are not sure they can help me. There is not really anything they can do for me at this time except listen and I have lots of people who let me talk and vent.

I'm sure it's just normal considering what I have ahead of me but I was just wondering how other people have dealt with the same thing.

I do NOT want to take any sleeping aids nor do I want to start drinking to get a good sleep.

I'm sure it will subside after the court date but I'm not sure I can go the way I have been for the next month.

Old 03-23-2013, 01:05 PM
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Melatonin and sleepy time tea
Old 03-23-2013, 01:46 PM
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Try not to get mad when you can't sleep. Have some faith that lying still in bed in the dark can be good for you too (if you can take the boredom). It's obviously not as restorative as the deep sleep, but still useful.

Perhaps try this memory exercise in bed: take an imaginary walk down a street you know well, and try to reconstruct all the details about it that you can. I suck at this , but people report it's amazing how much detail is buried in your brain.

Valerian is supposedly good for sleep, and Chamomile is a mild muscle relaxant. St John's Wort is good for depression/worry.

and ... EXERCISE!
Old 03-23-2013, 01:57 PM
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if you find yourself looking at the clock then turn it around so you cannot see the time.
Old 03-23-2013, 02:21 PM
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Exercise and avoid caffiene after say, 4pm. Some ppl swear by Gravol - but that would be a short term solution.

I sometimes rely on prescribed sleeping pills. Always the month before I have a court date.

I haven't looked into it - yet - but I really should explore meditation/breathing exercises (probably found online) b/c I've heard it can be very helpful.

Court can be pretty consuming, there's no doubt about that. There were times I almost felt like it had become an addiction or an obsession. Sucks, either way.

Being sleep deprived exacerbates all the problems. It is similar to being impaired, not to mention a method of torture employed by some.

It's not easy to put things into proper perspective sometimes. Try to "welcome" what is coming and see it as a necessary and positive step towards achieving your freedom. Fear of the unknown is the source of most stress. Try if you can to imagine the outcome you are hoping for.
Old 03-23-2013, 03:11 PM
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The last few years have put 20 (yrs) on me
Old 03-23-2013, 03:31 PM
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20 lbs on me!
Old 03-23-2013, 04:28 PM
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Lol. Sex helps, (to sleep better) but it has to be good sex!! Lmao
Old 03-23-2013, 04:39 PM
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Everyone has given great advice. Cram a few of those activities into your day to get out of your own head. I found meditation to be the best thing for me (found info at the library and used you tube videos).

I feel for you FB_ - it sure isn't easy.
Old 03-23-2013, 05:18 PM
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No electronics in your room, or used in the hour before you intend to sleep.

Light exercise only. Calming yoga.

Warm milk. Or turkey. For the triptophan.

Sex. Or masturbate.

Read (a book, not an ereader) something boring. My textbooks used to put me right to sleep when nothing else would. I'd find myself nodding over the page, unsure of what content I'd just seen, and then I'd fall asleep okay after that.

No checking email or facebook etc in the middle of the night. Train yourself out of the need to check.

When you wake up in the night, don't clock-stare. Give yourself some time, eyes closed, to fall asleep again, and if it doesn't happen, resume reading that boring book. If you get sleepy, great, if you don't, at least your body is still and your mind is learning.

I have always had insomnia, and I describe it like backwards anxiety. I wake up for no reason, and try to sleep but then get bored when I can't. So I start thinking of stuff to keep my mind occupied, and end up ruminating on anxiety-causing topics. You learn to keep your mind away from those topics and onto less stressful ones.

Make a mental list of harmless/productive things to think about at night, and stick to it. Things like what to pack for an upcoming trip, a movie review you'd like to write on your blog, mentally code a fun app you've always wanted to create, daydream of what you'd like to do on a trip to Hawaii, mentally furnish your dream home or mentally take your dream car for a road trip. If you stray onto work stress, court stuff or ex hassles, redirect yourself to a better topic.
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