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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 12-23-2011, 02:55 AM
ddol1 ddol1 is offline
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Default question regarding pictures, docs and now what??

Sorry - I should have posted this before the throw in the green towel post... " but in the end I guess it really matters not.....

Just had one of my record bad nights all around.

So I got sucked in to verbal interaction with both the ex and the eldest child - mistake??? not so sure?

Sorry - detailed just for pictures but she is ready to kill me for them and has found yet another way to make me the evil one in the eyes of the kids.. short to the point........

I been told i have right to them (even in one of the divorce acts/family law??) did this week one along with photo coping anything i could find at the time. I am right yes?

months later she discovers - been a thorn for two,three months now wnats them back, says all ppics belong to kids to be given when they leave home - not for us to keep as pics of our own children (first i heard that she planed on giving all our pics away - kids or not!) She has left the albums all over the place (even at teh peril of a puppy dog who chews things like this still and made sure the kids hear that I stole their pictures - I just ignored. Plan was to get a photo place to quote cost to duplicate maybe150 of them - she still has three or more times this - i even tried to take the ones that had doubles or pics that were close to the same......

Nothing is good enough for her and she insists on her property returned NOW - PERIOD at the threat of????

I said short version so this here is short! What do I?? --- Help!!!!

Details..........(I just figured i would leave them here instead of deleting)
the rest is just details of what is brewing - yes i am avoiding. Yes I have the recorder on and ready.

What do I do? (I refuse to accept a photocopy, she refuse to pay for professional duplication - and how she involves the kids in almost every aspect of this seperation/divorce) She actually started to chase me down when I told her i was not going to talk about this....EMAIL!! - I just went into the garage with the dog.

I know this PAS thing and the strain due to my medical issues and now this, divorce and well they see any and all - I am the eviel one, divorcing them not the other way around - I value these pictures at the possiblity - a real strong possiblity that the alienation will be permanent. This and many other things came to a real big head tonight but the pics?? There is no reasoning with her....

details if you wish.........(this part was from round one of short)

Pictures - I was advised to do so much at the very beginning as it would be impossible later? Pictures - I found what was there, the ex put them in three different albums one for each and a box of misc left overs - I went through those first then i took some from the albums (I actually was fair by taking pictures that had two that were very close, two or more and i took one - fair three or four to her - one to me but she flipped out when she discovered my actions months later.

I am right that I have every right to these pictures - even if i had to slip some out of the albums? Her take is (first I ever heard of this - really!) She made the albums and they "belong to the children" and they were to be given to each when they left home. That would leave mom and dad with basically no pictures of our children?? I can't see any sense in not keeping pictures of your children as they were growing up while you are alive and in time they, the children, will get them (we all have to pass on sometime?

been going on for a few months now - I just ignored her (I did say I had a right to half of them all along - but essentially ignored the conflict, the leaving the albums on the kitchen table, the counters - told her it just put the albums in jeapordy should something be spilled or the puppy dog decided to take them for a good chewing.....

My plan was to go to the photo place and get them to quote the duplication of them and offer the choice of paying the fee - fair since I believe my right in half the pictures. Not goood enough for her, the fact that i took a copy of a 5x7 or one when she was pregnant with OUR first child at the baby shower - I am violating her personal rights??? Then it is she physically took most of the pictures back then before digital was invented - I have no right to any of them. She wants me to photocopy them - I plan on displaying them in frames

She has done the financial squeeze on me real good - i barely get through as it is - if she wants originals she has to pay for it.
Old 12-23-2011, 07:42 AM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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she is being really really petty. You have every right to those pictures. why she never got doubles in the first place if her idea was to give them to the kids is stupid. My mom has an ablum for me and one for my brother with pictures of us when we were growing up, school etc. I get it when she passes along with my brothers as he is deceased.
Old 12-23-2011, 10:52 AM
winterwolf7 winterwolf7 is offline
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I lost everything, I have no pictures of my child or married life. Ironically she left me the wedding album but took everything else. I started over from scratch...

Petty or not, if you want them, get them duplicated properly at your own expense and do it soon. One day you will come home and find they are all gone forever and you will have lost your chance.
Old 12-23-2011, 02:39 PM
frustratedwithex frustratedwithex is offline
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Why not scan them into the computer and give her and the children a disk with all the pictures on. Or have one of your kids do this.

I know with my kids they prefer digital copies because then they can do what they want with them.

I have also started to scan most of our old photos into the computer and have used these images to create individual photo books for each child. Ordered on line, many companies allow you to do this.

The kids enjoy them because I edit some of the images so that other family members, (their siblings), are removed. The original image is left intact and each child has a photo book of just them growing up.

From my point of view it eliminates they comment of too many pictures of the first child and only a few of the others. It is all about them. I also include a letter from each family member written to the recipient of the book. The letter is personal and recounts a special memory or memories from childhood etc. The other parent also includes a dvd of home movies. They really like the books and look forward to receiving their own.
Old 12-23-2011, 03:50 PM
ddol1 ddol1 is offline
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Well frustratedwithex - you obviously gave thought to thinking, starting, and following through from start to finish with all your children. Admittedly I have always been pinched (just lucky to get done in my 18-19 hour days) before the digital day but I was always so disappointed in her starting and just doing nothing........ but at least each child has their own plastic bin now stuffed. I would never dare touch what is inside as the contents BELONG to each child. Today - this is what we set aside for them (nothing neat but stuff is there and we both filled them. Serious though if I had the money to just duplicate the hard copies I would............

But I like your idea of the scaning and putting on the disc - I can do that (will take a dog's age to do it but it is doable) I am actually considering checking into modern scaners to digitize all the financials and the required years worth of bank statements - current 13 year old scanner takes at least a minute per page. Pictures even longer! But thank you for inputting a fantastic idea that will not be good enough for her but I am sure the kids will be ok with digital pictures.
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