General chat for a reason, posting for the hive mind...
My husband has two adult children from his first marriage. I am not fans of them. In my opinion they are spoiled assholes who need to get over themselves. I also try to remember that they are emotionally stunted due to their parents divorce but also believe their mothers garbage. I grew up without a father, support or emotional balance. These two have had a pretty charmed life for divorced kids and buy into their moms bs about being victims. The reasoning side of my brain says hurt kids, the other side says selfish jerks who need to grow up.
Anyway...my current issue...his youngest is 21 and has been a super bitch to him for the last seven years. The base of her anger is that he was mean to mom and stole her money. She has told him repeatedly she doesn’t want a relationship with him and he tries to respect it but really doesn’t. I try very hard (VERY HARD) to be considerate but he really pisses me off with what I call chasing ghosts. He hasn’t been in her life for 12 years and she has chosen to be a jerk to him. He has been through therapy and gets it but really his head and his heart operate separately. He knows they are abusing him, he is so desperate for any connection he will take the abuse.
He found out today that she had emergency surgery for a very minor, common, simple surgery and no one told him. Even his other kid told him that as an adult, kid gets to decide. He blew up at me when I pointed it out to him as well and questioned why he was so angry. His answer was that its his right as a father. Nope try again. Because she is his kid. Nope try again. No good answer and when I pointed out that it was all about making them make HIM feel better he told me Im not a parent so I don’t get to comment. He knows that statement hurts and I was willing to say ok you are hurting but he just would not let it go about how she is his child etc. He is blowing it way out of proportion and sacrificing our relationship as a result.
So am I being cruel? Will parents understand this? I don’t get why he keeps chasing after two people who are old enough to know better but take pleasure in hurting him. One kid even lied in an affidavit about him! He just keeps trying to force them to have a relationship with him!
My husband has two adult children from his first marriage. I am not fans of them. In my opinion they are spoiled assholes who need to get over themselves. I also try to remember that they are emotionally stunted due to their parents divorce but also believe their mothers garbage. I grew up without a father, support or emotional balance. These two have had a pretty charmed life for divorced kids and buy into their moms bs about being victims. The reasoning side of my brain says hurt kids, the other side says selfish jerks who need to grow up.
Anyway...my current issue...his youngest is 21 and has been a super bitch to him for the last seven years. The base of her anger is that he was mean to mom and stole her money. She has told him repeatedly she doesn’t want a relationship with him and he tries to respect it but really doesn’t. I try very hard (VERY HARD) to be considerate but he really pisses me off with what I call chasing ghosts. He hasn’t been in her life for 12 years and she has chosen to be a jerk to him. He has been through therapy and gets it but really his head and his heart operate separately. He knows they are abusing him, he is so desperate for any connection he will take the abuse.
He found out today that she had emergency surgery for a very minor, common, simple surgery and no one told him. Even his other kid told him that as an adult, kid gets to decide. He blew up at me when I pointed it out to him as well and questioned why he was so angry. His answer was that its his right as a father. Nope try again. Because she is his kid. Nope try again. No good answer and when I pointed out that it was all about making them make HIM feel better he told me Im not a parent so I don’t get to comment. He knows that statement hurts and I was willing to say ok you are hurting but he just would not let it go about how she is his child etc. He is blowing it way out of proportion and sacrificing our relationship as a result.
So am I being cruel? Will parents understand this? I don’t get why he keeps chasing after two people who are old enough to know better but take pleasure in hurting him. One kid even lied in an affidavit about him! He just keeps trying to force them to have a relationship with him!
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