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  • #16
    An update on this. We have moved on from using a mediator to now finalizing the agreement between our lawyers. It's taken an extra month because the otherside's lawyer took two weeks to get back to mine.
    We had agreed to go 50/50 in Aug of 2021. My lawyer wanted put into the agreement that no status quo would build. The ex 's lawyer countered that wanted it changed and to state that the issue of when we goto shared parenting will be decided in accordance of the best interests of the children but that it is our stated intention to go 50/50.

    I'm not sure if that's too vague and putting us back to a "revisit" model that we originally had.

    Also, ex wants it put in that unless there is a material change, they won't have to pay CS as shes the higher earner.

    Comment


    • #17
      Originally posted by HardWorkingDad View Post
      An update on this. We have moved on from using a mediator to now finalizing the agreement between our lawyers. It's taken an extra month because the otherside's lawyer took two weeks to get back to mine.
      We had agreed to go 50/50 in Aug of 2021. My lawyer wanted put into the agreement that no status quo would build. The ex 's lawyer countered that wanted it changed and to state that the issue of when we goto shared parenting will be decided in accordance of the best interests of the children but that it is our stated intention to go 50/50.

      I'm not sure if that's too vague and putting us back to a "revisit" model that we originally had.

      Also, ex wants it put in that unless there is a material change, they won't have to pay CS as shes the higher earner.
      I would say the "stated intention to go to 50/50" is too vague. Set a date. And then say a final parenting plan must be agreed to by the end of the year with the aid of a facilitator as agreed to by both parties. And then say if that doesn't happen- just propose a gradually increased parenting plan. For me and my ex- every 4 months he gets extra days or overnights.

      As to CS- I would agree to it. Money makes everything between exes shittier. If she doesn't make SO much more money than you, and you can afford to give the kids a decent life, don't go after the offset. I don't think my ex is going to go for 50/50 in a couple of years, but who knows. If he wants to start something- I'm just going to offer to drop the CS to keep the schedule best for our daughter. (that's IFF 50/50 isn't actually good for her. we'll see).

      Comment


      • #18
        Originally posted by HardWorkingDad View Post
        decided in accordance of the best interests of the children but that it is our stated intention to go 50/50.

        I'm not sure if that's too vague and putting us back to a "revisit" model that we originally had.
        Yes, it is too vague.

        You need a specific date and a specific schedule in the agreement.

        Starting at 8am on August 12th, 2021, the parenting schedule will be as follows

        Aug 12 noon-Aug 14 noon with father
        Aug 14 noon-Aug 17 noon with mother
        Aug 17 noon - Aug 22 noon with father
        Aug 22 noon to Aug 27 noon with mother

        Parenting time will continue that pattern from that point forward


        I didn't even look at the calendar, I just randomly made dates and times, but you need to be specific.

        Feel free to include a clause "if this schedule is not consistent with the children's best interests, either parent can apply to the court and demonstrate a material change of circumstances". That's mostly worthless, but might sound good.

        Also, ex wants it put in that unless there is a material change, they won't have to pay CS as shes the higher earner.
        Sure, let her have it.

        Then get it changed once you have 50% custody.

        Comment


        • #19
          Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
          (that's IFF 50/50 isn't actually good for her.)
          I've never seen IFF used outside of a mathy situation, I like it!

          Comment


          • #20
            We do have a start date of Aug 1st 2021 to goto shared parenting time. I'll get every Wed & Thurs.
            I'm just skeptical of how they dont want no status quo and in place put their clause. I dont trust my ex.

            Comment


            • #21
              Originally posted by HardWorkingDad View Post
              We do have a start date of Aug 1st 2021 to goto shared parenting time. I'll get every Wed & Thurs.
              Presumably Fri.Sat,Sun as well? Are you going for the 5522 schedule? Is it explicitly stated in your agreement?

              I'm just skeptical of how they dont want no status quo and in place put their clause. I dont trust my ex.
              I would also be skeptical.

              Comment


              • #22
                Yes, EOW as well. We have a graph schedule in the agreement that shows the days we will transition into.
                My ex has also stated it's an all or nothing transition. Meaning that if one child has problems transitioning, then the other has to stay back as well. Refuses to split them apart.

                Comment


                • #23
                  The status quo is that you are building towards 50/50 and will have 50/50 on a go-forward basis after that. She cannot change her mind in August 2021 saying that leading to that date she has had all the access and therefore 50/50 is no good. If that was the case, no one would ever agree to graduated parenting schedules (including judges) and everyone would simply litigate for 50/50 at the earliest onset. I too asked about this, as my ex seems to lack logic and reason, and would actually try to argue status quo when we reach 50/50, and my lawyer said I have absolutely nothing to worry about. The status quo is not her majority access as it stands today, the status quo is that we agreed to build to 50/50 and implement a 50/50 parenting plan for our kids after that point.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    My ex won't build towards it. Wants to wait until D2 turns 4 and on that date we goto 50/50. It's the part about "best interests" that has me concerned. Suppose she moves. Now would it be best interests to go 50/50? Her view already of going to 50/50 doesnt gel with mine as I've asked repeatedly to try it now with no change to financial support.
                    I believe that by putting in a depends on circumstances in the best interest clause is an attempt to cause a dust up. Build status quo and then have me have to fight after 1.5yrs to get more parenting time.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      If she moves, she will need to file to change and demonstrate a material change. What is likelihood she moves?

                      The clause about material change is irrelevant. Whether it’s in your agreement or not, she would need to file with court and demonstrate a material change in circumstance to get out of 50/50. If my ex were to try to pull that crap, I would simply move too, to within 5 minutes of her new location.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Also, it should be worded that you will exercise 50/50 parenting, and HOW you exercise 50/50 shall be based on best interest of kids.

                        There are dozens of ways to exercise 50/50, which there are websites dedicated to it, and each kid is different so you tailor your 50/50 to what best suits the kids. Older kids may prefer week on and week off. With younger kids, you may need to do more frequent exchanges so you do a 2-2-3 type.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          It's written that we will do a 2-2-5-5 schedule, with me getting Wednesdays & Thursdays

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            That’s why it’s important there be no ambiguity. It’ll be 50/50. How you do 60/50 shall be in best interest of kids. Your kids may not like 2-2-5-5 so mom and dad need to be open and flexible yo alternative forms of 50/50. Being open to alternative forms of 50/50 is not an open invitation for your ex to back out of 50/50 when you reach that milestone. She would get slammed pretty hardcore in court for misleading you for 2 years and re-negging out of agreement. Also, her and her lawyer would get slammed for trying to re-neg due to some ambiguous language that left a grey area which they interpret as a loophole to back out of 50/50. Judges HATE trickery and I’m pretty sure they would get slammed for trying such nonsense.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Well their lawyer did put in the clause that my ex would forever be exempt from owning CS unless there was a material change...

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by Janus View Post
                                I've never seen IFF used outside of a mathy situation, I like it!
                                Chemistry undergrad. Math nerd.

                                Comment

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