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Initiating access with 11 y/o

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  • #16
    Originally posted by shepherd View Post
    I will keep the notion of rapid progressive increases a priority, Janus.

    I never said rapid increases. I said make the offer rapidly. Big difference. The progression can take a long time, as long as it is specific and ends at 50%. If she objects, just offer to extend the time.


    "Do you think it is too rapid? I would be fine with adding a stage in my proposal, what do you suggest? If I don't hear from you by June 15th I will presume that we will start my proposed schedule on June 25th"


    There are a lot of circumstances I have not included regarding my spouses parenting practices that have been noted by various parties. In short, everything is not "fine", even by your definition.
    Well, if your kid is not attending school and has other major issues, I presume you have called CAS and have that report to back you up. Therefore, no need for OCL! You already have your bulletproof professional endorsement that she is a lousy mom.


    If you haven't called CAS, then I would suggest that everything is "fine".

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    • #17
      If you have time to spare you could read the many threads by LF32. He spent several years fighting off a spouse who accused him of sexual impropriety with their daughter, moved out one day with the kid without him knowing. He had to fight, bit by bit, for every day of access after not even seeing his daughter for over 6 months. He is now in a 50/50 arrangement. We haven't heard from him in a long time so I have to assume things are going well for him. I'd draw your attention to his restraint from bad-mouthing his ex is any way in any document. I think that helped him. His ex wanted sole custody and had the edge with status quo. He showed he bent over backwards to do whatever it took to increase his access. He made it difficult for any judge to not grant him shared custody IMO.

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      • #18
        [emoji1312][emoji1312]this is good advice. Be as involved as you can be, as you should be. Attend every appointment. Go to school and have your own teacher meetings. If you put action into your words that’s right. Judge will have a hard time saying no. My ex filed for sole custody after 6 years of status quo and SA that he agreed to because he stopped paying S7’s. He has not done one thing differently the entire time.. Never attended appointments or school meetings. Refused to take part in therapy. Ocl recommended he do so as well as three other professionals that met him. That’s a dad that doesn’t deserve a change in custody. But if my ex was an involved dad like the dads on this forum I would be silly to refuse him more time or joint custody if he asked. As the kids would benefit from two involved parents!


        Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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        • #19
          Thank you, I appreciate your comments. I have spent five years struggling knowing that while I was at work, my kids were not thriving, but was told I was the one who “didn’t understand”. I deferred to keep the peace, despite what my gut told me.

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          • #20
            Yes we all learn eventually to always listen to our guts!! Many times I ignored mine. And in the end my intuition was always right. Take everyone’s advice. As harsh as it comes across sometimes it’s meant to educate you on what a judge would see.

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            • #21
              Fair enough. I have often been disappointed assuming common sense and basic decency were basic ground rules for life.

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