Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Let's talk about 'Boundaries'- how to establish them?

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #16
    Maybe others can chime in regarding this - supervised access is something I know little about. So take my opinion with a grain of salt...


    I think you need to communicate with her that you've asked him to keep away from you and he's agreed in writing but continues to ignore and do as he pleases. Email your request directly with her and see how she responds and if she follows through at the next exchange.



    If he continues to have supervised access with the next order then you either know you have a supervisor in place that you can count on to limit potential for things to escalate or one that needs to be replaced.
    She may not be a suitable supervisor if she can't make sure he remains in a neutral space while she does the pickup/dropoff with you.


    You need to limit your communications with him - having a third party that has agreed to be neutral is a great benefit when you're dealing with high conflict.

    Comment


    • #17
      Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
      He comes from an ethnic background where boys are a revered. The people in his life enable him. And continue to do so. It's gross really.
      That is being socially ignorant (or stupid). No different than the socially stupid people who are racist, anti-vaxers, flat earthers, homophobic, islamophobic, racist, bigoted, and sexist. A lot of people who are these things are highly educated. What makes them stupid is that they should know better but choose to be stupid. Stupidity is a choice.

      To live in Canada and subscribe to the belief that men are superior is a demonstration of stupidity/ignorance/ etc...

      As I have said before. Stupidity is not rooted in IQ. It is rooted in stupid behaviours. Lots of smart people do stupid things and believe/do stupid stuff.

      Having vertical education in finance doesn't make you socially smart. Also, friends are a poor judge of character as they don't see the person every day. Friends see each other in controlled and temporary situations. Move in with a "friend". The best friendships are destroyed by becoming roommates. You get to see the full stupidity of people when you live with them.

      So the next time a "friend" of his griefs you. You tell them to move in with him and see how they last. It is hard to hide stupidity 24x7.

      Comment


      • #18
        It just never fucking stops.

        Yesterday- this idiot was standing behind us- making goofy faces at our daughter when I went to pick her up. Of course she loves it. Usually he waits just inside the door waving. Sure. Okay- whatever, it's his kid and he likes making her laugh. Great. Sure.

        But this fucking idiot waited till I went around to the drivers side and was tapping on the glass calling out to her.

        I sent him a polite message on OFW today saying cut it out.

        On the other hand though- we're in the trading offers stage- and I really don't want to ramp up the conflict if I can avoid it.

        16 more years.

        Comment


        • #19
          Sounds like you're looking for fights and making this a lot harder than it needs to be. I would ask your parents to do exchanges if it's too much.

          Comment


          • #20
            Originally posted by StillPaying View Post
            Sounds like you're looking for fights and making this a lot harder than it needs to be. I would ask your parents to do exchanges if it's too much.
            If I was looking for a fight- I would've said something right there.

            You know- from all your responses. I'm guessing that you are no stranger to DV issues. You don't like boundaries, do you?

            Comment


            • #21
              Most parents in high conflict situations arrange parenting time exchanges so they don't have to see each other. Get a third person to do the pick ups and drop offs (or arrange that you drop her off at daycare/he picks her up from daycare etc) and you - and your daughter - will be much happier. If you have no contact, there will be no reason for conflict.

              It will look good to a judge that you have set up the exchanges so your daughter is not witnessing her parents' conflict because of his on-going boundary pushing and if HE violates it, that is held against him. It will also lower your stress level, I don't imagine you enjoy seeing him since he is clearly in bitch eating crackers territory.

              Comment


              • #22
                Again, he’s doing it to piss you off. Ignore. This is a guy who refuses boundaries so why keep fighting? Im sure it will stop once he realizes he gets no rise out of you.

                Remember—is this a hill to die on.

                Comment


                • #23
                  We don't engage in conflict in front of her.

                  Practically speaking- he can't pick her up at school because the order we have now doesn't allow it...and her preschool wants to follow court orders and nothing but. That's fine. Hopefully, if we can reach a consent- this won't be an issue.

                  I want to ask his sister- the supervisor- to bring her down on her own...but again- I'm worried asking that- suggesting it- is going to look like I'm trying to pick a fight.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    You are minimizing that your daughter is definitely noticing you being stressed about seeing him and watching him act up. Little kids are SPONGES for that stuff.

                    You cannot control his sister, if she ignores your request there is nothing you can do. you can control yourself. So don't go, send a friend or a family member or a paid social worker to drop her off. Be too busy having an awesome jerk-free life to have time to waste on seeing him - and use that time to do some self-care. It is better for your own mental health to not have to even see him or exchange in the unhealthy dynamic.

                    Comment

                    Our Divorce Forums
                    Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                    Working...
                    X