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  • No Agreement - Legal Options Denying Access

    Hey everybody,

    I've been having some problems with my ex not letting me see my kids again. Quick background on the situation:

    • My ex is bipolar with personality disorders and very hard to communicate with (her entire background would take a while, but trust me she's not all there)

    • We have two kids together (7 and 4), the ex doesnt work so has the advantage of picking them up from school and controlling where they can go. I work 9-5

    • The last year we've been switching every friday with the odd hicup with her trying to change the arrangement during mood swings.

    • We appear in court for our case conference mar 6

    • Two weeks ago she decided she would only let me see the kids 1 night per week and every other weekend.

    So as I understand the case conference the judge will not make any orders unless mutually agreed upon. I am looking to get the access agreement to return to what we've been doing the past year but not sure how to obtain this. I'm not sure that I can afford a lawyer so I'm having to do this myself. I am thinking perhaps an emergency motion is necessary? Can I get some insight please.

  • #2
    Unless the kids are in immediate danger or have been unilaterally removed from the jurisdiction where your court case is being held, you wouldn't qualify for an ex parte (emergency) motion. That and you generally need a lawyer to pull one off at a cost of around 2500+

    You have a court date Mar 6....sounds like your ex has grown a brain and is prepping to try and feed you the EOW screwjob. Every other weekend and one evening during the off week.

    Simply email her (so it's documented) that you do not agree to her unilaterally changing the status quo of X that has been in place and the expectation is that until an order is made otherwise, the existing status quo is what will be followed.

    Then follow thru on that. If that means you have to take off from work early to go get your kids and beat the ex to the punch....that's what you do. I'm assuming you've been doing week on week off up until now? If you need to take them out of school 30 mins early in order to maintain status quo, then do that.

    I would HIGHLY recommend you talk with your boss and bring them up to speed on the situation to see what they can do. Whether it be flex time in allowing you to come in early and leave early on certain days, or to work from home part of the time or whatever.

    The bipolar stuff isn't relevant unless she's a documented danger to the kids. You might benefit from requesting OCL involvement or for an independent parental capacity assessment with psychological component.

    I would NOT focus on that, it'll only make you look bad. Focus on the kids and why your situation is the best for them. Don't focus on why the ex is NOT.

    You would benefit from a lawyer for sure...but at a minimum go talk to the FLIC in your area and see if they can lead you in the right direction.

    Comment


    • #3
      Thanks for your reply.

      I've received the same advice to focus on what I do right and with all the paperwork I've done to this point generally that's what I hope I've accomplished. I have filed an ex-parte motion in the past while the ex was staying in a mental crisis center and was awarded custody, which I later had the court dismiss as we tryed to work out an agreement. Needless to say we haven't been able to.

      I'm curious if the court would accept that motion based on the psycological damage it may be inflicting on the children. I could probably leave work early and do what you've suggested for my daughter anyhow, my son isn't yet in school. I'm not so sure that would be in her best interest as I feel she'd be in the middle of a battlefield.

      Comment


      • #4
        If she were witholding them completely, then you could. Since she isn't doing that, she's merely unilaterally restricting your access to them, it'd be a really really tough sell.

        If you were doing week about, why not just keep them once you get access to them for your "weekend"? Yes, it would escalate the conflict, but if she tries to call the cops, you would at least have an incident report on file to draw upon if necessary. And if you are extra lucky, the ex will flip her shit once the cops tell her they won't get involved, and she'll wind up doing/saying something that gets her tossed in the clink.

        Comment


        • #5
          I would love to be able to do that but with me working and her not it's near impossible for me to withhold them from her during the days. She would still watch the youngest one whom is not yet in school.

          Comment


          • #6
            So what has been the status quo up until now?

            Comment


            • #7
              They would stay overnight with me on my weeks, i'd drop my daughter to school and my son to the ex. She would pick up my daughter from school and I'd get them both @ 5 when I get off work. She was working briefly and the kids would be in daycare instead, she ended up getting pregnant by her new husband and is no longer working (this is all in a matter of under 1.5 years since we split). She changed jobs 4 times before getting knocked up and i had tryed to accomidate her new hours each time. I've been paying full pop on c/s since she makes nothing, I don't know what this all makes our status quo.. Its frustrating, i'm a good dad who just wants equal rights and time with my kids.

              Comment


              • #8
                You have equal rights.

                Hopefully you've been journalling all your time with the kids since separation. If you haven't, you better start by going back as far as you can remember and document it. You need to be able to provide the courts with some account of the time other than just your word. Because she will contradict it and it will become a he said/she said battle.

                Once you've documented everything you can about your parenting time, or if already have a journal, send your ex a simple email stating that the custody schedule with the children has always been X. State that you don't agree with her decision (which I hope you have in email) to unilaterally change the children's regular schedule from X to Y. State that it is in the children's best interests to maintain frequent and meaningful contact with both parents and the original schedule provided that along with being mutually agreeable for [insert how long you were doing it here].

                State that it is your position that the previous schedule was in the best interests of the children and that the children should return to that schedule as soon as possible. Should she not agree with this, you will be forced to seek an order from the court providing for the return to the old schedule.

                It has only be a short while, so she hasn't established any sort of status quo. That takes 6+ months. And your court date is coming up quickly. Should she not agree, you bring this up as evidence she is not co-parenting with you or acting in the children's best interests as she has unilaterally changed their schedule.

                You could just get a babysitter for your weeks from now on and go from there. But it isn't all that appealing to play hide the kids....just document, document and document.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Regardless of what the past arrangements were, you need to make your own arrangements for the days you have the kids and stop relying on your ex.

                  She's just proven to you that she cannot be trusted and will screw you.

                  Also, you should be pushing for her to either be imputed an income at full time min wage OR for her new hubby's income to be used to determine CS offset and pro rata section 7 expenses split.

                  I hope you have also filed for the CCTB/UCCB under a shared custody arrangement as well.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Thx again,

                    I was entertaining the thought of asking her wage be set at minimum but didn't end up filing that way. I suppose I'd be paying near the same if she were working a minimum wage job and the kids in daycare. However I had no idea the tax benefits could be split. The lawyer I was talking with said the person receiving support period got all of those perks. Could you please point me towards more information on this?

                    **update**

                    I put down on my reply that i was seeking joint custody with access rotating every other week. I think what I wanted was shared custody. i'll speak with duty counsil before court tuesday and see what I can do about changing that.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I was entertaining the thought of asking her wage be set at minimum but didn't end up filing that way. I suppose I'd be paying near the same if she were working a minimum wage job and the kids in daycare. However I had no idea the tax benefits could be split. The lawyer I was talking with said the person receiving support period got all of those perks. Could you please point me towards more information on this?
                      Shared Custody

                      The lawyer is only partially right. Technically you can't claim INCOME TAX benefits for a child you are paying support for. That being said, in a SHARED arrangement, typically you would trade off years. So the ex claims the kid one year, you claim the kid the next...rinse and repeat.

                      and I would definitely push for her to be imputed an income. You'd use the OFFSET method of CS, so it'd bring your payments down a bit. You'd also benefit from the section 7 split. Her income can't be 0.

                      I put down on my reply that i was seeking joint custody with access rotating every other week.
                      You want JOINT Legal/SHARED Physical with a week about schedule.

                      Comment

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