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  • can't get her to leave''

    been living commonlaw for 12yrs ,i own the house an she buys grocherys ,came home sat. morning to the locks on the house changed so i called to cops and they said that if we stayed out of each others way that we can both stay in the house till we get a seperation.its like a nightmare coming home to this,is there some way to get her out,i've offered her a good setlement, but she wants more,can i cut off the cable tv, can i lock her out,any advice is appreciated.

  • #2
    I believe it's NBDad who has an awesome response to this... do some search on this form for the list....

    Close/Freeze all joint bank accounts...anything you can live without and are in your name cut them back...such as the cable...buy only groceries YOU like, do only YOUR laundry... other's will spell it out better than I have, but I know the response has been used on this forum a dozen or more times!

    You can't lock her out as it is both your residence, however there are ways to work with this situation...I know people who have had to live with their ex's for over a year before they could finally move on!

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    • #3
      there needs to be a change in the law,to prevent this kind of torcher,does anyone know how long it takes to get a court order to get her out.

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      • #4
        http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...26/index2.html

        Check out that thread...NBDad outlines the steps

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        • #5
          thanks berner that is a good read,gives me some ideas,she is going to go wild if i cut off the tv.

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          • #6
            Tough **** for her...you are going wild having her in the house... if she wishes to have Tv... then by all means she can pay for it.

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            • #7
              I'm sure it may be "torture" but fact is, she didn't just move in 6 months ago. 12 years is a long time to live under one roof w/someone. She had no right to change the locks and you aren't going to get her out that easy either. She lives there! Does she have anywhere to go?

              Not sure what brought your happy living arrangements to where it is at now, but she does (under the law) have a "right" to be there, like it or not.

              Are there any kids? Together, w/her or otherwise? You didn't mention there being children so if that's the case, there's one less (BIG) thing to worry about.

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              • #8
                How about trying to discuss things or come to some agreement for the interim? What's w/the encouraging of head-games and "control?" Is that really an intelligent response/approach? Next suggestion will be that he remove all the lightbulbs and doorknobs just to make things more uncomfortable. These silly control tactics are going to worsen an already tense situation. Next the cops will be there arresting someone for assault.

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                • #9
                  Hadenough... Seeing as SHE changed the locks I am going to say she is NOT reasonable. Talking to her will most likely lead nowhere except to possible false domestic violence charges.

                  There are no head games with him cutting off what he currently pays. If he can live with out it, why should he pay it? If she wants it tell her to pay it. You know yourself what it it like to try to deal with someone who is unreasonable. Talking to them does not work. He has to take the appropriate steps to get things done. He isn't locking her out, but he also doesn't have to provide her with anything anymore. Therefore, the steps NDbad outlined in the other post are the appropriate, legal steps for him to take.

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                  • #10
                    no children,and she has been offered a fair settlement,so with that money, she can get her own place.i don't want to play hardball but this relationship is over ,its been over for a few years,i can't understand why she won't get on with her life .

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                    • #11
                      You were common-law, not legally married? It's your name on title, not both? Give her polite notice, in writing like you were a landlord, that she is being evicted and this is her notice to move out within 60 days.

                      And of course, absolutely disengage your finances. Close all joint accounts. Right now. Move all your personal stuff to a room you can lock, or off premises until she's gone. Stay out of her way for the 60 days as much as you can, and wear a digital recorder at all times so that if you have to interact with her, it offers some protection against any false allegations of domestic violence.

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                      • #12
                        See a lawyer, and follow the steps I laid out in the other thread. The intent is NOT to force undue hardship on her by cutting off necessities such as heat/hot water, rather it's to force her to settle with you because the living arrangements are forcibly minimal.

                        You should be able to evict her, a lawyer will be able to guide you through the most effective manner.

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                        • #13
                          i;ve got an apointment with a lawyer next week to find out my rights,if i can get her out ,but from what i've read it seems unlikley,just have to take it cool till i see what the lawyer says she is intitalled too.theres no sense in trying to talk to her,she is full of anger and that was the problem all along,was her temper is out of control.thanks rioe and nbdad for your comments.

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