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my kid is refuses to see me what to do

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  • my kid is refuses to see me what to do

    so last xmas I found that my 14 year old was using pot , i found it on his facebook profile on his phone , he had his privacy settings set so it didn't show on my feed .
    i spoke with his mother regarding it and she accused me of stalking him , i also found that she was sending gif and pictures of pot as if it was funny , i confruted her on that and was told to f off , since then my realationship has fallen apart with him he has come to visit since then , and when i travelled to see him he wouldnt see me , he lives 6 hours away , his mother says i betrayed him and he doesn't want to see me and this is how he wants it , so f off again
    what can i do ???? is there any legal steps i can take ????

  • #2
    to be honest there isnt much you can do. He feels like you violated his privacy when you looked at the stuff on his phone.

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    • #3
      Hes old enough to make that decision and there is no legal recourse you can take. You should stop going through your ex and start reaching out to your son on a regular basis. He is allowed to do whatever he wants with your ex so of course he will see you as the “heavy”. Keep it light, just talk about superficial things and keep trying to connect with him. Hopefully he will smarten up and see the benefit of a relationship with his other parent.

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      • #4
        There could be much worse things but I don't agree with it either. Just let him know how you feel about it without being too preachy. Just be a good Dad for him and let him know you're there and try to be involved with him as much as possible.

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        • #5
          Also try to remember it is just pot, not axe murdering.

          If he is a junkie, that's one thing, if he just occasionally smokes, he's only a teenager.

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          • #6
            How about the fact that his mother is encouraging his behaviour and the pot use ?

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            • #7
              You're talking about pot, which is on track for legalization. Cocaine or Opiates could be a different story. Weed, most people don't view as being very different from Alcohol. Yes his mother making jokes about it, or encouraging him with it is a poor decision on her part, and doesn't show the greatest choices in parenting, but on its own its really not likely to be enough to get anything changed legally, especially with the age of your son.

              Is this really the hill you want your relationship with your son to die on? Keep playing the hardass with it and your son will continue to want nothing to do with you, and you will then leave him completely under the apparently questionable influence of his mother, without you being able to show him a different way.

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              • #8
                I guess i should have know better to seek advice on the internet ,
                just hope my kid doesn't end up dead of an overdose in the back of a car like his mothers brother did at 20 years of age

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                • #9
                  Hes 14. Kids get into trouble and pot is nothing. Plus you cant parent from six hours away and to a child who lives with the parent who lets him do whatever. My partner went through this. His ex’s attitude was kids will be kids. Plus they listened to their mother because she didn’t believe in punishment.

                  Don’t be the heavy. You want him in your life, be a cool parent. He’s not interested in anything else.

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                  • #10
                    Ya I guess I mean the courts gave her custody and she moved them to an Indian reserve on Manitoulin Island because she shacked up with the native there and and everyone else up there pretty much is either stoned or drunk all the fucking time collecting welfare from hard-working people like you and I so what the fuck
                    Makes sense ,
                    And it seems to be what the current trend is just smoke dope and don’t worry about your kids , right ?
                    Wish I was born a woman so I could go around fucking people over and saying to bad to everyone who disagrees with your life style ,

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                    • #11
                      you said (in 2016) that you were working with a lawyer to make the court aware of the drug use. What happened there?

                      http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...mothers-20365/

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                      • #12
                        You may be 6 hours away but you can do some research into the community your son lives in and find out if there are any outreach programs or people you could connect with to provide you with information on how best to help your son.

                        Grandmothers form alliance against drug trade on Manitoulin - Sudbury - CBC News

                        "it's just pot" isn't a reason to not continue to fight for your son's sobriety. One would have to be naive to not realize that people who sell pot sell the other stuff. Peer pressure at this age is enormous. He has his whole life in front of him. I'd contemplate "outing" him to the native community. He may hate you for years but it sounds as though he will anyway, certainly as long as he is living with his mother.

                        Others will strongly disagree with me, I'm sure. Legally he is still a child of the marriage. In typical situations judge certainly would listen to child's preference of where he wants to reside. This situation is hardly typical though. I presume your child is not First Nations?

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                        • #13
                          the lawyer here said pretty much the same thing the courts are going soft on pot so not really any grounds to change custody arrangements , as for the other issues i am having with my ex re-garding court orders not be followed i would be running up there every month i didnt get my kids , and i can't afford that ,

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                          • #14
                            yes my sons are not native and she isn't either , as people have stressed here before he has chosen the free range life that my ex is living , he didnt earn one credit his first year of high school and she says its his choice to be in my life , and says i am harrasing her when emailing her asking about their well being , basically she is doing nothing and hiding out on a reserve , if i email to call them and skype them i get all kinds of excuses phones not charged no internet not home sleeping at 4 in the after noon , to sorry driving can't talk etc etc
                            she has pretty much alienated me from them , and lawyers say there isnt much can be done , the system is fucked , yes i am angery and upset and i miss my kids very much and it's not fair i am not a dead beat dad they have been stolen from me

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                            • #15
                              it does suck.

                              May I ask how she was allowed to move that far away with the kids and if your CS was cut down due to the amount of travelling you had to do to see the kids?

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