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  • #31
    Originally posted by stripes View Post
    Minority opinion here - why bother replying at all? There is no question being asked. There is no future plan being proposed. All I see is one parent complaining about the other parent and rehashing things that don't need rehashing.

    Write (or type) a response if you think it would be cathartic to do so, but I don't see any point in clicking "send". Nothing you write is going to change Mom's view of the situation, just as this message doesn't change yours. She's wasting her time sending preachy and judgmental messages, why waste yours keeping the interaction going?
    Brilliant! I got sucked into crafting a reply, but you are completely correct. There is no question or anything that needs addressing in her note, and nothing you could say is going to make her suddenly agree to 50-50. Just initiate a new email to discuss trading Father's Day for St. Jean Baptiste, and put a note in the communication book that she should check her email if she hasn't already.

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    • #32
      Whatever the outcome, this communication book is good to keep going back and forth after. None of this crap belongs in that book. D4 is going to be reading soon.

      Comment


      • #33
        I actually just took some bits from Rioe's post. The judge has to see responses some times. They can't just read Ms. fake reasonable ex each page with no replies. I read many case law .. the judge puts the parents note right on canlii .."Ms LF32 said she gave him holiday access" .. etc. Mr. LF32 had nothing to say to that so I guess she was being reasonable and he agreed.

        A short, concise, polite reply that emphasizes me wanting to move forward in a positive manner while maintaining a carefully worded assertiveness and soft tone. If it were a complete bitchfest by ex then I wouldn't touch it. But as you can see she crafts her letter's not too bad. She's a paralegal dont forget (or was).

        Although I see your points I think sometimes certain things have to be addressed (in the right way) even if ex's stuff is fluff. (Also re-emphasizing the goal of 50/50, joint, etc.)

        Don't forget that it's not trying to change her mind (I'm cognizant it won't). But it will reiterate to a judge reading what my stance on the issue is....not just hers.
        Last edited by LovingFather32; 06-04-2015, 10:55 AM.

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        • #34
          Originally posted by OntarioDaddy View Post
          I understand the feeling to defend yourself, but a reply will simply be used against you.

          Ex's wording is misleading. She would like to help you out with needing a babysitter and would like the extra time with child, but doesn't think a change is good. The best part is that she agreed the child's time should be shared with both parents. Just leave it at that.

          May have it wrong, but I'm guessing it went like.
          Ex offered to watch child instead of babysitter last year, which LF32 rightfully denied.
          Now LF32 offered a ROFR, to switch days to keep access hours the same but change the schedule in order to avoid the babysitter.
          Ex denied it.
          LF32 clarified/asked again.
          Ex denied it again saying to stop the back and forth.

          As much as you want to clarify your position one more time, it's better to let it go. She already gave you lots to work with with her replies already.
          She asked just this past few weeks about seeing D4 instead of sitter.

          You're correct about my ROFR offer (changing schedule)

          My fear is that the judge reads her comments and misses the sneakiness of them.

          Ex portrays herself as constantly doing "me" favors and portrays me as the manipulative one in the comm. book.

          Tough because there's so much on the line and a stranger (judge) decides on my access, custody, etc. I just want to ensure he/she sees both sides positions .. not just hers.

          In the end you're all correct. Judges are smart. They should be able to read in between the lines.

          Comment


          • #35
            So today was D4's Dr's appointment for the cast.

            Yesterday she was walking by herself, dancing around..no pain, etc. The cast is just a hunk of uncomfortable material for her now. I texted ex this morning requesting that she provide an update of the Dr. appt.

            She decided not to. I'm very excited to know if our little girls cast finally came off. Why the heck wouldn't she let me know?

            Perhaps I could call the hospital and find out? Maybe?

            D4 told me that mommy tells the Dr that her leg hurts ..then said "but daddy .. it doesnt hurt, why does mommy say that?".

            Holy crap I had no idea what to say so I said that she just made a mistake.

            In my view she may try to keep the cast on to keep this "pain and suffering thing going" .. (she actually used the words pain and suffering in the comm. book). D4 couldnt even tell the Dr,. which leg hurt. Crazy.

            So, wonder if it came off today. Nice of her to let me know.

            Comment


            • #36
              Judges are pretty astute. Remember they've seen worse.

              My partner had this issue last year with ignoring behaviour and just taking it. He wanted to respond but the worry was how his response would look in court if they ended up there. I read a bunch of stuff and fell on the side of communicating his concerns over interference because it showed he logged it and she refused to do anything about it. In fact, some of her responses actually brushed it off and are pretty bad. Not that it will have an impact on access, but it can be used as proof of her interference in the relationship. A number of cases had decisions where the judge pointed out the opportunities for the interfering parent to right their wrongs.

              Bottom line is, some things deserve a response and some dont. Some judges can see through the bs and some dont. Some people change and some dont. Your response is gone, stop stressing. In three weeks the babysitter argument will be moot anyway.

              Comment


              • #37
                I'd just call the hospital orthopaedic outpatient or cast room and ask for an update. They might let you know and/or speak to intern who removed the cast. You could leave a call-back request.

                Comment


                • #38
                  Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                  So today was D4's Dr's appointment for the cast.

                  Yesterday she was walking by herself, dancing around..no pain, etc. The cast is just a hunk of uncomfortable material for her now. I texted ex this morning requesting that she provide an update of the Dr. appt.

                  She decided not to. I'm very excited to know if our little girls cast finally came off. Why the heck wouldn't she let me know?


                  So, wonder if it came off today. Nice of her to let me know.

                  If the appointment was today (and it is still today), I'd give it at least 24 hours before you decide that Mom has "decided not to let you know". Getting a cast removed isn't an urgent medical situation in which both parents should have information as soon as possible. Yes, it would have been nice if Mom had answered your text right away, but time is really not of the essence here. If I got bent out of shape every time my ex took his own sweet time in replying to non-urgent messages, I'd spend a lot of time bent out of shape.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Got the info. Leg completely healed but still in a half cast for a week (that comes off for showers/baths/swimming, etc). Just to build the strength in her leg back up.

                    Also, I sent the most polite request for fathers day one could ever ask for.

                    No way she's going to say no .... not with court around the corner.

                    OPTICS

                    Question is .. will the judge say "Umm, she gave you Fathers Day...shes reasonable .. your motion for holiday access is dismissed".

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      June 31 doesn't exist.

                      Just saying.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                        So today was D4's Dr's appointment for the cast.

                        Yesterday she was walking by herself, dancing around..no pain, etc. The cast is just a hunk of uncomfortable material for her now. I texted ex this morning requesting that she provide an update of the Dr. appt.

                        She decided not to. I'm very excited to know if our little girls cast finally came off. Why the heck wouldn't she let me know?

                        Perhaps I could call the hospital and find out? Maybe?

                        D4 told me that mommy tells the Dr that her leg hurts ..then said "but daddy .. it doesnt hurt, why does mommy say that?".

                        Holy crap I had no idea what to say so I said that she just made a mistake.

                        In my view she may try to keep the cast on to keep this "pain and suffering thing going" .. (she actually used the words pain and suffering in the comm. book). D4 couldnt even tell the Dr,. which leg hurt. Crazy.

                        So, wonder if it came off today. Nice of her to let me know.
                        she probably felt the same way when you didn't tell her when the cast was put on and the child was in emergency. This time there was no emergency so she maybe felt that notifying you ASAP wasn't necessary. Maybe even sort of payback for you not contacting her.

                        You shouldn't feel upset about it as this is her parenting time and she took care of it, just like you took care of it on your parenting time. You cant have it both ways.

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
                          she probably felt the same way when you didn't tell her when the cast was put on and the child was in emergency. This time there was no emergency so she maybe felt that notifying you ASAP wasn't necessary. Maybe even sort of payback for you not contacting her.

                          You shouldn't feel upset about it as this is her parenting time and she took care of it, just like you took care of it on your parenting time. You cant have it both ways.
                          I did let her know .. right from the emergency room. Why would you act like I didn't let her know? Amnesia?

                          I love posters who pretend they wouldn't like to know of a cast was off their child. I certainly would have notified ex .. just as I did from the emergency room.

                          So you encourage payback from ex? Interesting. I would get 4 pages of my thread being dumped on if I mentioned anything about payback towards her. Funny how that works huh?

                          And ......here we go. As Mr. T would say .. the possee has arrived. Notice how they come one after another in a wave... G'Night!
                          Last edited by LovingFather32; 06-04-2015, 10:32 PM.

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Just to be clear... you feel that ex is kind of justified in not letting me know if D4's cast came off today because I called her within an hour from the emergency room when her leg was put in a cast. (Scratching head)

                            I agree it wasn't an emergency today .. I never claimed it was. Just would have been nice. I find it odd that this is your stance. Oh well.

                            I believe if I go back in my other thread that you said I made all the right moves SOTS. (could be wrong) Sudden change of mind?

                            I shouldnt get to know if our little girl is out of her cast and I deserve what I get.
                            Whatever you say. Kind of a gross post though I'd say.
                            Last edited by LovingFather32; 06-04-2015, 10:52 PM.

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              I don't see where SOTS said anything about it being ok or reasonable, that payback should be encouraged. Simply a point of view you may not have considered. And a valid one at that, you really do need to be consistent on what you do vs what you expect in return.

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Micro examining a honest to goodness innocent accident ...is what delusional posters and ex's do

                                This site does have the IDIOTS that are similar to Goldilocks that will challenge even common sense. (they are that far gone)

                                Your in a battle LF32 with the insane. A person that will work FOREVER to destroy everything. Even the child to save her from you

                                Some top talent in that area post here on your thread.

                                At Mr Toronto's boot camp sooner or later you'll learn to get rid of the static...learn how to self rep and win the next 8 court battles until D4 is age of majority

                                Goldilocks is in the process of destroying herself already to always have a free lawyer and free time. Perhaps you don't see that now....maybe it's just a phase for Goldilocks on WHY NO JOB

                                It's not a phase .....it's lifelong commitment for your EX....to destroy you

                                The false posters want you to live as a artificial DAD....to question yourself over everything...to feel guilty if D4 has snot bubbles.

                                They'll still be swirling angrily around the toilet on your 8th Court fight spewing the same insane advice, it's very critical you learn the system now....and get better for the next time

                                When you get joint with mobility restrictions on Goldilocks.....she'll go nuts because her dream was crushed. (throwing you under a bus and moving to La Belle

                                Goldilocks is all nice right now because she hopes you don't get joint.

                                This ACT of hers will disappear IF SHE DOESN'T GET WHAT SHE WANTS

                                so how does Goldilocks do ROUND TWO....in Court

                                When you get the FINAL Order (with huge teeth cause she's NUTS)....no more LAO because a Orders in place (money and access)

                                Welfare? stay on it with claw backs?

                                Nope a mushroom cloud will happen 6 months after this present matter draws to what you thought was a conclusion

                                Do you love ur kid?......then you'll be ready

                                3rd Court I say you get SOLE. (D8)

                                Comment

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