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  • Parent alienation

    Anyone know how to deal with oldest child telling non custodial parent all that happens at custodial parents house. Feel ex is manipulating child as they are very bitter over lost of custody of kids over past year. Any ideas? I don't want to come off as cruel and heartless but the one child needs a foes of reality. The other parent doesn't call kids at all and has not even tried to make arrangements to have kids for extra visits over holidays. I would love to point out the obvious but how. Thanks

  • #2
    You don't tell them that. Seriously. You do not need to involve your kids in any adult conflict. It will have negative and potentially devestating effects to the kids. If the ex is a deadbeat than at some point in the kids life they will figure that out for themselves and you need to just be there for them, not to complicate the issue.

    The right thing to do if you feel your child is being manipulated is to perhaps seek counseling for the child or address your concerns in a reasonable way to the other parent. Perhaps look at mediation to communicate your issues. If you feel very strongly about your position than file a motion adressing your concerns.

    As for the child telling things about your home, why does this matter?Maybe explain to the kid that it is wonderful that they share their life with the other parent but in doing so to please respect your privacy.

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    • #3
      My ex used to tell the kids they weren't allowed to tell me what was going on in her home...wound up there was good reason for it.

      Take the high road, unless you have something to hide. You are going to be under a microscope for a while anyway. Trrying to bring up a bunch of silly little issues will only make the ex look stupid if he tries to bring you to court.

      If he is that concerned about your household, there are organizations he should be contacting. (ie. CAS) If he doesn't utilize them, he doesn't have a leg to stand on if he brings it up in court. If he DOES contact them, and the allegation is unfounded, then it gets documented as such, and again, it makes HIM look stupid.

      I wouldn't waste my time, or effort in worrying about it if I were you.

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      • #4
        Thank you for your replies. I have tried my hardest not to involve the kids and have actually and have actually come to the point over the past month and a half that I don't want any discussion about the ex in the house. Yes the ex still comes up on occasion (most of the time in a negative way) and am usually the one that is telling then not to talk about their parent like that. I have no worries about the ex involving CAS as I already involved them 5 - 6 months ago when I was seeking conseling for the kids. Explained my concerns about one child in particular and she called for me. They had no concerns about my parenting or their living conditons. My file was closed and I never did hear what the fallout was on his end but the ex really wasn't happy that I had them involved.

        I have had the kids on a waiting list (5 months now) with a counseling program in my city and finally received the date of my first appointment with them next month.

        I am not worried about my self - I am just wanting my kids to be happy. I am hoping something good will come out of the conselling program for both the kids and my self.

        Thank you to the both of you. I am not going to second guess myself anymore. I have been doing things the right way and I guess I am going to have to deal with having a bitter ex for at least another 10 - 15 years. The ex is not in control of me or our situation any longer and I know that is just eating at them.

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