Originally posted by Me_too
View Post
And in a therapeutic situation, (and I know you mean no ill harm with this kind of statement, that's not what I'm getting at), this would be a "leading" statement. It directs the child's thought process rather then what you are attempting to do. You are, I think, trying to give them an opportunity to express their feelings. But this basically says dad makes you sad, tell me how sad dad makes you feel when he does this?
You are inadvertently putting the children in a position to see dad or dad’s behaviour as a negative or as evoking negative emotional feelings. You’re setting the kids up to think ill of their dad, when in fact I know you just want them to get things out in the open so that they don’t feel worse by keeping it inside. Try something more like, “sweetie, sometimes dad can’t take you, and I know how much you like to do this, so I thought I’d take his place until he can do it himself. Is that ok with you?” This way you have not associated anything negative between the children and their dad, nor invoked any sad feelings in the children about their dad. Let them come to their own conclusions, and as they grow they will learn their own feelings about dad not being there to take them to games or making excuses for not taking, and you have no influence on those emotions between the children and their dad. Does that make sense?
Comment