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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #51  
Old 08-07-2022, 08:50 PM
Bogdan Bogdan is offline
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don't underestimate creativity of your ex :-) My when she knew I had vacation scheduled sent a letter claiming that my kid isn't feeling well, and didn't send kid to school at all. I asked for note from doctor, which obviously was ignored, and she rejected giving me a child. As a result I had to go on trip without child, and then quite expectedly the day after she wrote "come and pick up the kid right now, it is your parenting time". Point is. If you have ex with a mood to annoy you, she will find the way.
Lol, I've had similar .. vacations plans ruined because last minute EX needed to book our kid up for a (unexplained) doctors appointment that was somehow only available on my parenting time.

Had to add a clause to the agreement that she not book doctor appointment (or anything for that matter) on my time.

Not sure how much these clauses really help now that I think about it .. as she just ignored them anyways and the consequences are "stern" warnings / slap on the wrists at best.

Sometimes I feel like I'm playing whac-a-mole with her.
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  #52  
Old 08-07-2022, 08:56 PM
Bogdan Bogdan is offline
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Originally Posted by Brampton33 View Post
The only issue I see with morning exchanges, is that if one (or both) of my kids are sick, I will notify my ex and either have to drop them off with her or with a family member at 9am. Then my ex (or family member) will claim that kid(s) are not sick at all and I am unnecessarily causing them to miss school when they need not be.

If its an after-school exchange, I can rebuff her allegations by indicating that kids were much sicker in the morning and they are feeling better as the day went on.

Honestly, I am always in a "damned if I do, damned if I don't" state with my ex where whatever I do is wrong in her eyes. And she wonders why its 50/50?
Ex has nanny .. so I guess that's why I never had the problem you mentioned.

But yes .. "damned if I do, damned if I don't" ... there's no winning. It sounds like a sad realization .. but it really helped me, i.e. the acceptance that my Ex will always find ways to try to annoy me .. and I just have to learn to accept it and work within it.
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  #53  
Old 08-08-2022, 10:53 AM
terryfyde terryfyde is offline
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Originally Posted by Bogdan View Post
Lol, I've had similar .. vacations plans ruined because last minute EX needed to book our kid up for a (unexplained) doctors appointment that was somehow only available on my parenting time.

Had to add a clause to the agreement that she not book doctor appointment (or anything for that matter) on my time.

Not sure how much these clauses really help now that I think about it .. as she just ignored them anyways and the consequences are "stern" warnings / slap on the wrists at best.

Sometimes I feel like I'm playing whac-a-mole with her.

Clauses definitely help as they are a barrier to aid in preventing continued bad behaviour and they are easy to point out to the ex when they do something they are not supposed to.


I try to follow it and when I don't I explain, ask permission and it gives the ex an opportunity to complain and focus on the order instead of the hate for the other person. Hate is a strong word but applicable for many.
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  #54  
Old 08-08-2022, 11:02 AM
terryfyde terryfyde is offline
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With (very) High Conflict ... if you switch to weekly, you might as well say good bye to any scheduled weekly activities and at the very least assume that your EX won't take them on their days.

This is true in my experience. For weekend activities even when the ex says "yes, sign them up I will take them too" they do not.


2-2-5 at the end of the day lets me setup a structured schedule for my child without interference.


I don't feel I have to take the day off work for a sick child or a child the ex says is sick because being high conflict they have and still do use their children if it means upsetting my day on the right day. I could say "sorry, not available and not pick up the child" but would feel guilty.



In the summer we switch to a weekly schedule and that prevents the ex from saying "I booked them into summer camp this week, you have to take them" or fights over what summer camp they go to. All exchanges are at home. It also allows going on a week long vacation.


2-2-5 is the best but the good of a 7 day in the summer outweighs it for me.
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  #55  
Old 08-08-2022, 07:37 PM
Bogdan Bogdan is offline
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I'll add one more strong recommendation for 2/2/5 access.

Make sure to grab the Wednesday/Thursday instead of the Monday/Tuesday.

It helps mitigate issues (by giving you time) with access being denied into the weekend (a rather common issue I had).
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  #56  
Old 08-09-2022, 08:59 AM
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Tayken Tayken is offline
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I'll add one more strong recommendation for 2/2/5 access.

Make sure to grab the Wednesday/Thursday instead of the Monday/Tuesday.

It helps mitigate issues (by giving you time) with access being denied into the weekend (a rather common issue I had).
More public holidays fall on Monday's. I always recommend people take Wed/Thurs when negotiating to get things settled.

Never seen a 2-2-5-5 used that way. Wondering if you could explain the situation regarding "being denied into the weekend". Friday morning transfer issues?
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  #57  
Old 08-09-2022, 09:52 AM
Bogdan Bogdan is offline
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More public holidays fall on Monday's. I always recommend people take Wed/Thurs when negotiating to get things settled.

Never seen a 2-2-5-5 used that way. Wondering if you could explain the situation regarding "being denied into the weekend". Friday morning transfer issues?
More of an issue when there's no school (summer or Covid), and pickups are EOD (which I had in earlier graduated steps) ... but basically I would make vacation plans for the weekend (notify Ex of travel as per agreement and put it in OFW, months in advance) ... and day of said travel at pickup time (5pm) I would get some new excuse of why I can't have her including pleading ignorance of mis reading the agreement, or simply "opps I forgot .. but we are no longer in town so you can't have him anyways" . I could fill a book with all the ridiculous and hilarious excuses.

By the time I would explain things to her, or contact her counsel or PC .. my vacation would be ruined.

@Brampton .. come to thing of it .. yet another reason for doing morning pickups instead of afternoons ... for exactly this type of BS.

Not sure if anyone has ever seen any real consequences for threatened or denied access ... but from my experience they are slim to none. Just stern warnings .. and maybe some makeup time.

I've just kind of learned to except that my EX will do this stuff ... and make more flexible plans.
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  #58  
Old 08-09-2022, 09:54 AM
Bogdan Bogdan is offline
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Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
More public holidays fall on Monday's. I always recommend people take Wed/Thurs when negotiating to get things settled.
I'll also add that it helps to have a PA Day / Stat Holiday clause that automatically extends weekends for who ever has her (into the extra day -- so you get the full long weekend).
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  #59  
Old 08-10-2022, 06:23 AM
Bogdan Bogdan is offline
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Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
More public holidays fall on Monday's. I always recommend people take Wed/Thurs when negotiating to get things settled.

Never seen a 2-2-5-5 used that way. Wondering if you could explain the situation regarding "being denied into the weekend". Friday morning transfer issues?
@Tayken ... additionally, not only was I randomly denied my regularly scheduled weekends, I was then being denied equivalent weekend makeup time (as set out by amendments to our custody agreement to deal with ongoing denied time).

Ex would claim that she's already made important (previous undisclosed) plans with our kid, and cite "best interest".

With Covid (no school) and summer .. Ex could simply not give up our kid on Friday.

At-least with school (on Fridays) .. I have the workaround of just picking up our child early.
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