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  • Court ordered access not being adhered to

    Court order in place EOW and a weekday three hour parenting time.

    Three of the last four weekend parenting time, the childs mom unilaterally shortened the access on Sunday by five hours and also cancelled one weekday access.

    What does one do in this situation please as I have already contacted her counsel to no avail and with no response.

    Do I build a case for contempt, and bring that motion?

    Any thoughts are welcome, we have another date in court in September for a TMC.

  • #2
    Court ordered access not being adhered to

    How is she ending it? Does she show up? If yes, take the kids somewhere and advise her you will drop them off. If not, tell her no.

    When she tells you the time is changing you respond to her and her counsel with:thank you for this request however the court order outlines my parenting time ends at xyz therefore I will return the children at that time. Should you have any concerns or questions we can discuss them at the case conference, otherwise I will continue to follow the order.

    Don’t let her bully you.

    ETA: for the weekday access, tell her that you dont agree and expect to see the kids that day. Should she disagree, you are requesting make up time and would welcome her suggestion.

    Also note that you consider this denial of parenting time and are logging it for the court.

    Contempt is too difficult.
    Last edited by rockscan; 07-28-2022, 08:31 AM.

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    • #3
      Thanks very much!

      On Friday or Saturday or Sunday after I have the child she offers me a choice of picking him up six hours earlier or keeping him till Monday morning at 10 am.

      She is aware that I start work Monday morning at 6 so my only option has been to have the child ready when she picks him up at my residence Sunday at the time she has stated.

      The order states I get him Friday from her place and she gets him Sunday at my place.

      I live your answer but if I said no and take him to her place at the designated time and she is not there, then what?

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      • #4
        Agreed re contempt so what will happen when I log it and teke to court?

        What is the purpose?

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        • #5
          She’s playing a game with you so you are basically calling her bluff. Which is why I said to word it that way. Telling her that it is court ordered and you are adhering to it so she can pick kid up at proper time or you can drop them off. By pointing out YOU are following the order, it makes you look better.

          In your court documents for the TMC you will note that she has failed to follow the order for parenting time on x dates or 90-100% of the parenting time. She has no valid reason for doing so and it makes her look bad for playing that game.

          Contempt is like this shiny object you hear about but never see. You would waste too much energy trying to get it when there is no chance. You could try but why waste resources? Just call her bluff and go from there. She isn’t going to lock the child out or not pick them up. She is simply pushing you to do something she wants you to do.

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          • #6
            Wowowowowowow!!!!!!!!

            Thank you VERY much!

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Donald Duck View Post
              Wowowowowowow!!!!!!!!

              Thank you VERY much!

              There are a few other dads who have come here with the same problem. It’s sad that they have to go through these games but it still happens. The fact that it is being recognized by the courts now is a benefit.

              My husband’s ex would play this game and his response was always “it is important for our children to spend quality time with their father don’t you agree?” Problem was that she then manipulated the kids to have plans when he wanted to see them. Get it done now when your child is young enough so they want to continue to be with you!

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              • #8
                Funny, not funny, but once you see it you cannot unsee it.

                Our child is such an incredible blessing and he is so close to me regardless of all the games that his mom plays.

                He is almost six and all i want is the time that we agree to on a court order, and to increase said time gradually and that the child is safe.

                It also bothers her so much that I cannot be provoked anymore ( thanks greatly to the beautiful people on this board!)

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                • #9
                  It is really sad that parents play these bullshit games. Especially when it all goes back to one person’s vindictive pettiness over what they feel.

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                  • #10
                    Could not agree more!

                    Really sad because eventually the child catches on, which really makes it even more sad.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Donald Duck View Post
                      Could not agree more!

                      Really sad because eventually the child catches on, which really makes it even more sad.

                      When my mom was dying she mentioned her regret for acting the way she did with my dad. She said she thought she was protecting us. I ended up getting screwed over by him with a financial dealing we had which taught me a lot about who he is. I was more angry at the way they behaved towards each other and how it impacted us even as adults. It was like two kids having tantrums over which one we liked more. Ridiculous and unnecessary.

                      My husband does not understand why his kids have not woken up and realized what their mother is doing but I remind him they still live with her and are enmeshed in her narrative. I am hopeful one day they will see it. It was always laughable when they would say to me that he was acting so weird or they didn’t know how to deal with him being so “nice”. I thought “this is who he is, stop believing your mom’s bullshit”. Sadly, they still believe everything she says and don’t think he has earned a relationship with them.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Donald Duck View Post
                        Could not agree more!

                        Really sad because eventually the child catches on, which really makes it even more sad.
                        The child does catch on 100%. My son is 13 and knows exactly what my ex is all about. I spend so much time on emails and texts trying to encourage the relationship but more then half the time he doesn't show up, brings him back early (90% of the time), and he doesn't follow the OCL recommendations. And then after all that, he finds a way to blame me. I've worked hard not to let my son see the shitty side of his dad but at 13 they see it themselves.

                        Document everything re: access. I have a word doc that I update every weekend and visit, and an actual calendar where I circle or highlight days. Trust me when I say that she is doing that.

                        I wish you luck, and really listen to rockscan! She got a load of experience and knowledge.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I had same thing - court ordered access. My ex gave me kids once or twice, and then stopped bringing them at location and time defined by court order. It has been documented via countless emails to her lawyer. I did mention it in brief for SC, and she wrote in her brief she was giving me access. Judge ignored it altogether, despite I didn't see kids for many months and had a proof in writting. Bringing motion at that time didn't make sense, as there was SC approaching and motion date would've be way after, and right before the SC she suddenly resumed my visitation, so to be in compliance with court order.

                          I think the only place I can use this card is on trial if we get to it, but otherwise court wasn't interesting in someone breaching the visitation order

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                            When my mom was dying she mentioned her regret for acting the way she did with my dad. She said she thought she was protecting us. I ended up getting screwed over by him with a financial dealing we had which taught me a lot about who he is. I was more angry at the way they behaved towards each other and how it impacted us even as adults. It was like two kids having tantrums over which one we liked more. Ridiculous and unnecessary.

                            My husband does not understand why his kids have not woken up and realized what their mother is doing but I remind him they still live with her and are enmeshed in her narrative. I am hopeful one day they will see it. It was always laughable when they would say to me that he was acting so weird or they didn�t know how to deal with him being so �nice�. I thought �this is who he is, stop believing your mom�s bullshit�. Sadly, they still believe everything she says and don�t think he has earned a relationship with them.
                            Very well stated and I am sorry about your mom passing too.

                            I always speak positive about his mom and even when she attempts to provoke me such as raging at me during the exchanges I nod my head and smile and say that I would like to begin my parenting time.

                            All we can do is build with our children from a positive place and I am very confident that your spouse will eventually have an incredible relationship as the children grow into adults.

                            The child and I have an incredible relationship and he is super duper bright but the dynamics with his mom will play out as they do, although I am hoping and praying that it works out beautifully with his mom because children need both parents.

                            Thank you so much for all that you do here

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by LMum View Post
                              The child does catch on 100%. My son is 13 and knows exactly what my ex is all about. I spend so much time on emails and texts trying to encourage the relationship but more then half the time he doesn't show up, brings him back early (90% of the time), and he doesn't follow the OCL recommendations. And then after all that, he finds a way to blame me. I've worked hard not to let my son see the shitty side of his dad but at 13 they see it themselves.

                              Document everything re: access. I have a word doc that I update every weekend and visit, and an actual calendar where I circle or highlight days. Trust me when I say that she is doing that.

                              I wish you luck, and really listen to rockscan! She got a load of experience and knowledge.
                              Thank you very much and Rockscan is a rockstar no doubt!

                              Starting that word document today!!!!

                              Comment

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