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How to end the CL relationship?

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  • How to end the CL relationship?

    I have been in a CL for 19+ years. She has an internet partner and talks to him every day. Our relationship is a 'zero'. She gets very upset when ever I try to talk about it. I want to end it ... it has been going on for over 6 months and I have had enough! She is on-line everyday for 6-8 hours playing poker and chating to her friend. The chat is very intimate.

    How do I end the realtionship? What can and can't I do?
    Can I kick her our?
    Can I change the locks on the house?
    I have given her a credit card which a pay for monthly. Can I cancel it without any negative feedback to me from a legal perspective?
    Everything is in my name house, vehicles, boat .... and paid for by me ... What do I need to give her?
    I pay all bill and expenses.
    She has paid nothing for any assets and has never contributed to any assets.
    I am retired and living off RRSP's. I have no income other than what I take out of my RRSP. I will be 60 next Jan.
    She has no income and has not worked for over 5 years. She is 55.
    What can I expect from a legal perspective to end this relationship?

    I am truly devastated by this and retirement is no fun because she will not leave the computer alone. Some may find this funny but believe me it's a night mare for me!

    Any and all advice is welcome! Help! I am tried living with someone who has no feelings for me!

  • #2
    Kind of sounds like you have been used as a doormat for a while. First thing I would cancel the credit card. What is to stop her from running it up to the credit limit once she finds out you want her gone.

    A question that others will want to know, are their any kids involved, especially minor children??

    Comment


    • #3
      Thanks for the reply. No children are involved.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by HurtSoul
        I have been in a CL for 19+ years. She has an internet partner and talks to him every day. Our relationship is a 'zero'. She gets very upset when ever I try to talk about it. I want to end it ... it has been going on for over 6 months and I have had enough! She is on-line everyday for 6-8 hours playing poker and chating to her friend. The chat is very intimate.

        How do I end the realtionship? What can and can't I do?
        Can I kick her our?
        Can I change the locks on the house?
        I have given her a credit card which a pay for monthly. Can I cancel it without any negative feedback to me from a legal perspective?
        Everything is in my name house, vehicles, boat .... and paid for by me ... What do I need to give her?
        I pay all bill and expenses.
        She has paid nothing for any assets and has never contributed to any assets.
        I am retired and living off RRSP's. I have no income other than what I take out of my RRSP. I will be 60 next Jan.
        She has no income and has not worked for over 5 years. She is 55.
        What can I expect from a legal perspective to end this relationship?
        Don't think you can kick her out or legally change the locks. She a right to stay in the matrimonial home, even though you're not married. Mind you if you did change the locks, I don't know if the police would be the ones to force you to let her back in - she might have to get an order in family court, which she might not bother to do - you need to check that.

        I agree with standing... cancel that credit card if it's in your name, or stop paying it if it's in her name.

        She would appear to have a property and spousal support claim based on the limited facts you provided - that could be very expensive for you - but the emotional costs are high too if you stay in something miserable. You should spend an hour with a lawyer to assess your options.

        You really need to figure out whether this is worth saving and whether she wants to change. If you decide that it's not worth it, end it swiftly out and move on. Why spend your retirement years in misery?

        Comment


        • #5
          Hurtsoul.

          I would seek free legal advice from a Lawyer. Call one up, seat down
          for an hour and explain your situation with him or her and get
          an idea what your options are at this point in the game.

          By the way.... banks will not allow you to cancel nor change the credit limit on any form of credit if it's in both your names. A signature & agreement is required from both parties.

          One Option: Seek for exclusive possession of the home at a Case Conference
          due to emotional hardship.!

          This really sounds like she knows very well what her rights are...

          Comment


          • #6
            FYI ... I was able to cancel credit card ... so that is done ... will be meeting with a lawyer to make sure I don't do anything to make things harder to resolve this nightmare ... Thanks for your reply....

            Comment


            • #7
              Usually in a CL relationship one does not have the right to asset splitting as in a married situation.
              Usually in CL you must prove ownership in order to gain an asset in a separation. If your name is alone on the home, she may have a claim for unjust enrichment. Ask a lawyer about it.

              Also, she may qualify for SS given the length of time of the relationship.
              Also, she "is" entitled to CPP splitting for the duration of the relationship.


              Just some things to ponder and research.

              FL

              Comment


              • #8
                The Vehicle

                All advice is welcome ...
                She has taken a vehicle which is in my name and the insurance is due Aug 8th which I have paid since the vehicle was purchased.
                Can I force her to give the vehicle back?
                What can and can't I do?
                ...
                Thanks ....

                Comment


                • #9
                  As previously stated, in CL unions, the onus is to prove ownership.
                  If the vehicle is in your name solely it is yours to take.

                  However, to avoid conflict, I'd first talk to her and work something out on paper with respect to her being able to keep it if you have no problem doing so. You could give her the car in exchange for something else, or she can take you to court to prove she has entitlement to it's value.

                  CL is very complicated, and a lawyer is indeed needed so that you can have a clear understanding of how asset splitting works.
                  Usually the home is the only item that courts allow without allot of documentation for splitting as it is a huge investment. Furnishings, person property like tools and garden equipment and even vehicles are difficult and must be show to be owned in order to acquire.

                  Example, if you purchased the vehicle and it is solely in your name, but a few payments came from an account with her name on it, she can show joint ownership that way. Anything that she has proof of showing she contributed to she can ask for in an asset splitting situation.

                  Just my experience.

                  FL

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Thanks for the info ... the vehicle is in my name, paid for by me and all maintenance by me ... good advice ... thanks ...

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Help! ... What factors enter into determining SS? I am trying to gather all the info I will require to get the 'problem' over and move on! Thanks ...

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        SS is based purely on need (being her need) and your means, (ability to pay).
                        After the assets and debts are split the court will look at standard of living, as well as individual incomes. Then they will determine SS. Generally they would put a time limit on SS, which is primarily meant to help the receiving party get back on their feet. You would have to show that she has or can acquire with limited upgrading that she is able to be self supportive.

                        If she has a college/university degree but has not worked in a while, then show that simple upgrading would prepare her for the work force. IE go to a local college and ask what would be involved in preparing a person with her credentials for employment, this would go a long way to show a court how easily she can become self supportive. Since there are no children involved it is a better situation for you. Generally when there are children the courts look to equalize the standard of living for the receiving parent relative to the paying parent’s income, then they look at what is left after the child support is paid for SS. You can offer a one time lump sum payment or a set monthly amount to terminate after a certain period of time. I am not familiar with any formulas for making these calculations, maybe another member is.

                        Just some things to consider.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Thanks for the info...I am retired, not working and have no income ... I draw from my RRSP when I require some funds for this and that ... Question: Is RRSP withdraws classified as income ? and can she force me to withdraw RRSP funds to pay her SS?
                          If my RRSP comes in as a factor to determine SS what about hers? She is telling me she has no money ... but all she has to do is draw from her RRSP same as I do and bingo she has money! Comments? ,,,, thanks ...

                          Comment

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