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  • #16
    FB,
    you don't know me , you don't know my situation but are very quick to judge and attack me.

    Every family is different and there are numerous situation when fathers provide better care to children than their mothers but mine is not one of them. As I said maybe one day we will have a shared parenting schedule ( an hopefully one that works well) but not now

    Comment


    • #17
      Originally posted by Mamma View Post
      FB,
      you don't know me , you don't know my situation but are very quick to judge and attack me.

      Every family is different and there are numerous situation when fathers provide better care to children than their mothers but mine is not one of them. As I said maybe one day we will have a shared parenting schedule ( an hopefully one that works well) but not now
      I did not attack you, I was contradicting your opinion. Two very different things

      Fair enough, I do not know you or your situation, but you are an anonymous person posting on the internet, just like me... I guess a court will decide.

      Comment


      • #18
        is he negligent? is he abusive? or he is just caring for the child his way not the way you think it should be done?

        Just think about it. I honestly hope that you will not deprive your child the bond with his/her father just because he is not parenting the way you want him too. This is not about you or your ex or who is the better parent, this is about your child and the bond your child will have with both his parents.

        So, unless he is abusive or neglectfull, which he is obvisously not because you are considering shared custody after the child turns 2, do not deny to your child this precious bond. In my opinion, it makes you a bad and very selfish parent.

        Comment


        • #19
          I think the fallacy of "better care" needs to be deconstructed.

          Sure you might be better at wiping butts, singing songs or X,Y, and Z.

          The father might be better at A,B

          The key is that is it better to have
          A,B,X,Y,Z

          or just X,Y,Z
          or just A,B

          As long a a parent is willing and caring for their child won't harm them custody should be shared.

          Sure it isnt as good as a regular family but that's the way the chips fall.

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          • #20
            Are you the higher income earner?

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            • #21
              Yes I am. But the income difference is not much. In a shared schedule I will be paying my Ex 200$/month and the daycare expenses will be split 55/45. The primary residence is a big point of discussion since he wants to have a big house in suburbs while we live close to down town right now

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              • #22
                Originally posted by Mamma View Post
                ...
                I know there are a lot of supporters for the shared parenting plans and maybe we will be there one day but not now, he is too young...
                Too young for what - to be parented by both parents?
                Chuckle.

                I can see why you don't want to share parenting right away, given your latest response.
                Last edited by dad2bandm; 08-20-2014, 02:25 PM. Reason: Added to this, because OP replied since.

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by Mamma View Post
                  Yes I am. But the income difference is not much. In a shared schedule I will be paying my Ex 200$/month and the daycare expenses will be split 55/45. The primary residence is a big point of discussion since he wants to have a big house in suburbs while we live close to down town right now
                  Well good luck dictating how and when he parents. As for the unjust enrichment claim from what you posted here I believe he has a case. what a judge thinks you'll have to pay the legal fees to find out or settle. Your choice

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by Mamma View Post
                    Yes I am. But the income difference is not much. In a shared schedule I will be paying my Ex 200$/month and the daycare expenses will be split 55/45. The primary residence is a big point of discussion since he wants to have a big house in suburbs while we live close to down town right now
                    That is a valid concern. Shared parenting does work best when both parents live in the same area.

                    However it's not impossible for it work when one lives downtown and the other in the suburbs.

                    My ex moved 45 min away from where our house was and part of our agreement of 50/50 was she would be responsible to all costs and travel associated with living that far away and all drop-off and pick-ups were done at school or in the original city. She agreed and we did 50/50 until that didn't work out for her and she moved closer to the kids school. Again not optimal but it still worked.

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                    • #25
                      dad2bandm , why do you think I am the one who is after the money ? - 200$ month is nothing - one trip to Costco . On the other hand the father will have to pay almost 700$/month if the child lives primarily with me and given an unjust enrichment claim he made over 5000$ I am not the one who is after the money.

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by Mamma View Post
                        dad2bandm , why do you think I am the one who is after the money ? - 200$ month is nothing - one trip to Costco . On the other hand the father will have to pay almost 700$/month if the child lives primarily with me and given an unjust enrichment claim he made over 5000$ I am not the one who is after the money.
                        Two totally separate issues.

                        Provide him with an offer to settle.

                        Shared custody
                        Shared access 50/50
                        No unjust enrichment
                        set-off child support
                        He must live within xx km's of current residence
                        neither can move farther away from current residence without written consent or court order

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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by Mamma View Post
                          dad2bandm , why do you think I am the one who is after the money ? - 200$ month is nothing - one trip to Costco...
                          Because you really haven't answered why you think your child is "too young" to be equally parented right now, by both the child's parents. Instead, you threw dollar amounts out.

                          Good luck, with your court case.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            I think you need to spend some time researching what you are claiming. Years ago maybe you would have been successful with the "he's too young" claim but things have changed drastically. If he is a capable parent (and you don't get to judge whether he is capable or not), he very well may end up with equal access. You also have to be careful because if you attempt to play gate keeper, he could end up with primary and majority access.

                            Any offer you put forth needs to be fair. To test whether it is fair or not, think about whether you would accept the offer if Dad offered the exact thing to you? One of the easiest way to hang yourself in court is putting forth an offer you think is fair, but wouldn't accept if it was the other way around.

                            I would start with the 50-50, you will find out quickly whether he is serious about being a father or not. One of two things will happen, he will stand up and be a father or fall flat on his face, but either way, at least you have done what is best for the child and Dad had his chance.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Out of our 4 year common law relationship we lived 3.5 in quebec where my rights as a property owner were protected. I sell my place - we move to ontario three months later we break up and he claims unjust enrichment for contributing 450$ to the living expenses !? No one seems to notice this but I get large criticism for not supporting shared access for infants. Sorry I don't and am willing to try my chances in court. I support the father - son relationship but as it was pointed our numerous times it's not a quality but a quality of the time spent that really matters.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                What is the mileage between downtown and the suburbs. Where I live that's 2 miles, but I'm in a small town.

                                I can see a greater distance/travel time being an issue when the child is in school, but not at 11 months old.

                                I am fastly learning that some Dad's can do an exceptional job when they are left to do it on their own.

                                Comment

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