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GTA V for a 13 year old

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  • GTA V for a 13 year old

    My 13 year old splits time 50/50 between my house and his Mom's. In my home he is only allowed to play age appropriate games on his playstation.

    My ex recently bought him Grand Theft Auto V which is rated Mature 17. I told her that in my opinion the game was too adult for a 13 year old but she bought it anyway. I can't control what she does in her home but I wanted to give my input. She decided to go ahead and buy him the game anyway because, as she put it, "every kid in his school is playing it".

    My son was referred to a psychologist a year ago and was diagnosed with ADHD. The doctor also noted that his maturity level is on the lower scale compared to other boys his own age. He does not have a healthy relationship with his mother and in the past the cas investigated her due to complaints of physical abuse against him. Recently his mother told me that he has started swearing at her and that he pushed her.

    I also have a Playstation at my house and when I am watching Netflix I can see that he is online ALL THE TIME! When I see his username online it also lists which game he is playing and it is always GTA V. My son just went back to his mothers yesterday afternoon and he was playing all day and finally logged off at midnight (I do realize he may not have been playing that whole time but it wouldn't surprise me).

    I have major concerns with him playing this game. I have tried out a friends copy of the game and it full of racism, sex (you can have sex with prostitutes and pay for a "blowjob", sexism, tonnes of violence and generally psychotic behaviour. I know that I can't control what she does in her home but it makes me sick to see that he is logged onto the PS3 network everytime he is over there. She recently bought him a headset so that he could talk to other game players, some who are adults and strangers.

    I have tried speaking to her in person about this and got nowhere. I am going to put my concerns in writing but I really don't think I am going to get anywhere with this. Am I wrong to voice my concerns here? My son has enough problems (poor marks at school, poor relationship with his mother, problems making friends, getting picked on at school).

    Just wondering, what would some of you do about this?

    If you are unfamiliar with the game, Youtube has countless clips if you search "GTA V".

    Thanks

  • #2
    There is nothing you CAN do IMO. Your rules at your house and moms rules at her house.

    I have 3 boys (21, 16, 14) who have been playing games like that for years ... (The oldest gets it and the younger ones follow suit).

    My ex doesn't / didn't believe in tV's in bedrooms. I saw/see no problem with it. My kids all have tV's in their rooms at my house but not at his.

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    • #3
      Not much you can do outside of helping your kid understand that you don't agree with the game and why. You can let him know you see he is online for long hours and recommend other activities and then start doing those activities together.

      Bad parents will be bad parents. Not much you can do about it, and there are no laws against.

      Bringing this up with the ex will get you the same reaction you got before, which is nothing back. It is like running head first into a wall, deciding it was a bad idea.....then doing it again. Your ex doesn't care what you think. The boy is out of her hair and not getting into trouble, and she has likely bought some of his affection. So for her it is win/win.

      I don't agree with the game either. I've honestly never even played any of the series as I don't see the appeal.

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      • #4
        I agree with the other posters in that you can only dictate what goes on in your house.

        Perhaps you could have an "adult" discussion with him about the game. Patiently hear what he has to say. Ask him what his opinion is on it and why he thinks it is so popular. Be sure to explain to him how unfair it is to belittle or make fun of the kids who's parents won't let them play the game.

        He's a teenager. I guess things have graduated somewhat from buying and hiding Playboy magazines.

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        • #5
          @ Teddie.....

          Newsflash: Nobody should have TV in the bedroom. For adults, it's a passion killer!

          Personal take on how I have dealt with this related matter, in my case it was putting my concerns forward in an email to the EX, with the focus being on the child. The generation of the kids today...mostly boys are into video games, whilst girls are into social media, make up and fashion.

          Skylanders is a very popular one for young boys, and the price of the console and games is a testament of this.

          I have tried speaking to her in person about this and got nowhere.
          Peaceful, consistent, and purposeful communication with your ex is essential to the success of co-parenting—even though it may seem absolutely impossible. It all begins with your mindset

          I am going to put my concerns in writing but I really don't think I am going to get anywhere with this.
          Now you are thinking....It may seem impossible to stay calm when dealing with a difficult ex-spouse who’s hurt you in the past or has a real knack for pushing your buttons.

          Think about communication with your ex as having the highest purpose: your child’s well-being. Before contact with your ex, ask yourself how your talk will affect your child, and resolve to conduct yourself with dignity. Make your child the focal point of every discussion you have with your ex-partner.

          Am I wrong to voice my concerns here?
          No you are not, you are doing what any rational parent faced with this kind of problems will do.

          My son has enough problems (poor marks at school, poor relationship with his mother, problems making friends, getting picked on at school).
          Now those are all symptoms associated with a kid that is feeling neglected and troubled by the problems all around them. I have seen this so often with the kids that I mentor. You really need to get the kid some help with the school work if you are not in a position to help with that.

          The boys and girls club of Canada is another avenue you can look into....your son might be able to adopt a big brother / sister that will help guide them and help with the self esteem. Seriously consider this

          It’s healthy for children to be exposed to different perspectives and to learn to be flexible, but they also need to know they’re living under the same basic set of expectations at each home. Aiming for consistency between your home and your ex’s avoids confusion for your children.

          Just wondering, what would some of you do about this?
          Rules don’t have to be exactly the same between two households, but if you and your ex-spouse establish generally consistent guidelines, your kids won’t have to bounce back and forth between two radically different disciplinary environments. Important lifestyle rules like homework issues, curfews, and off-limit activities should be followed in both households.

          The problem you have posed to the forum, can be easily resolved by communication with your ex like I mentioned above by keeping your calm and stating your case in a convincing manner and substantiating your concerns with facts.

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          • #6
            this game is not like other games - if you haven't seen it then please consider taking out the "game" part of the "game" and change it to "porn video". it is not appropriate for a 13 yo.

            That being said - I have no advice for you OP - its a tough road. good luck!

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            • #7
              Ha, if you think GTA is bad have you seen the new batman games? Batman used to be fun and super heroism, not so much in his new games.

              As a kid who grew up playing these games myself, I don't personally an issue with them. I didn't turn out to be a terrible adult, my grades weren't affected, and I didn't turn out to be a serial killer or car thief.

              How about having discussions with your son about some of the real life things that are portrayed in the video game. (I'm all for open communication with kids, but I'm not a parent myself so maybe my perspective is different)

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              • #8
                I think it's appropriate to voice your concerns, just don't expect to get anywhere. Her home - her parenting time - her rules (or lack thereof). It sounds like your son may be using this game as an escape from the problems in his life, and his mother is either enabling him or buying him off by letting him play on the the computer all the time.

                The best you can do is model appropriate behavior at your place. Have you talked to him about why you don't allow him to play games like this when he's with you? Or about why you don't let him go on the computer 24/7? Could open up a discussion about racism, sexism, violence that isn't fun, and so forth. I think the key is not just setting limits on what he can do at your place, but explaining (even if he doesn't really want to hear) why you've made the choices you have.

                There's something about computer games and teenage boys - I know at least half a dozen parents who are having serious problems with their 14, 15, 16 year old sons who don't want to do anything except play computer games, and become aggressive and angry when the parents try to set limits. From the outside, it really looks like an addiction. So you are far from alone in this.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Teddie View Post
                  My son was referred to a psychologist a year ago and was diagnosed with ADHD. The doctor also noted that his maturity level is on the lower scale compared to other boys his own age. He does not have a healthy relationship with his mother and in the past the cas investigated her due to complaints of physical abuse against him. Recently his mother told me that he has started swearing at her and that he pushed her.
                  If she can't make this connection between her permissive nature about his videogaming, and his behaviour herself, she's not going to listen to you about it. But can you get the psychologist on board? Ask him/her, out of earshot of the kid, if the GTA V and obsessive playing of it could be contributing to his behaviour, and if the professional could address it with the mother.

                  Otherwise, suggest that he spend more time at your house, as perhaps more time with his male role model would help him learn respectful behaviour. Let her know, nonconfrontationally, that he does seem to be spending a lot of time online playing a Mature game about violence with strange men. She may not realize he's online so much, if he's sneaky about it, but you see him because you are also logged in. Send her some links to the GTA V videos and ask her if he's quoting anything.

                  Meanwhile, I'm not sure what you can do that she won't perceive as a criticism of her parenting, and get defensive. At least he's only exposed to the bad parenting half the time instead of all the time.

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                  • #10
                    I'm 100% on board with you that it is inappropriate and I understand the frustration about what you kid is being exposed to. However, like others here i agree that it is not something that you can control. Express your concerns clearly and appropriately but know that it isn't worth fighting as there is no way you can win.

                    What you can do is focus your energy on the time you spend with him. You probably won't be able to find something that he likes more than GTA V, but find the thing he likes most that you support and put your energy into engaging that.

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                    • #11
                      Wow, thanks for all the responses. I think we are all on the same page and there isn't anything I can do to stop him from playing the game in her care and I understand that.

                      I have communicated my concerns to her through email and I will ask her next time I see her if she read it. I know she will brush it off but I have to make sure my concerns are being passed along.

                      My son and I have had several discussions about the game and he understands why I don't like it. We have talked about the violence, sex, stereotypes in the game.

                      I am sure this happens in most divorced families....the rules in the 2 homes and the expectations are always going to be different. I am a more structured person and I have higher expectations from my kids. Thats just the way that I am and I know that one day my kids will thank me for that. I see this game and its content and it blows my mind that parents would let kids (as young as 7 and 8) play this. This stuff did not exist when I was growing up....the worst thing you could find was a playboy mag. I know that if my ex and I still lived together, my son would not be playing this game.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by FWB View Post
                        @ Teddie.....
                        Rules don’t have to be exactly the same between two households, but if you and your ex-spouse establish generally consistent guidelines, your kids won’t have to bounce back and forth between two radically different disciplinary environments. Important lifestyle rules like homework issues, curfews, and off-limit activities should be followed in both households.
                        I agree that in principle this is a good idea, but in reality not very enforceable.
                        Children are adaptive, they know there are rules at mom's house and rules at dad's house. Yes in an ideal world it would be better if they were the same but they don't have to be. Take gym, library, and break in a single day a child switches between them. Any parent who says a parent shouldn't have access because they don't parent the same way is not looking at the bigger picture. I know this isn't what people are saying here. But it's a slippery slope. I know my ex and I parent differently I like to expose our children to different experiences, some I know she would approve of like taking my 2 and 3 year old in a hot air balloon ride. That is how I parent.

                        My gf's 9 year old got this game, before my gf knew what was in it. He had played each of the previous versions which were no where as bad as this one.
                        She told the son's father and he disapproved and told her what was in the game. The cat is already out of the bag. I don't agree with it either. But I have watched him play, basically he hangs out with his friends online and try to do things like jump cars onto moving trains and other things. For him 9 years old the sex portion of the game doesn't interest him, yet.

                        But what you can't do in instruct your ex on how to parent. Have a conversation with your ex in writing if it has to be, or in person.
                        Explain your concerns with "our" child playing the game. Explain the scenes that are possible in the game. Offer to come over and turn off the adult content for her, to protect the child. At the end of the day all you can do is parent "our" child when he is with you. If the ex insists on allowing him to play it.

                        Then perhaps you need to buy the game yourself, and sit down with him and play it together and explain the scenes and why you think it's not good for him to be playing it. Parent your child when the child is with you. And don't make it about you being right and mom being wrong.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Interesting that one can turn off the 'adult content.' Perhaps the mother doesn't even know she can do this.

                          I like the approach of playing the game with the teenager and having a discussion on why some scenes are inappropriate. I'd pose a question to the teenager as to what age does he think the game is appropriate. The conversation that ensues from that question could be a very valuable parenting tool and help to exercise young, unpolished critical thinking skills perhaps.

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                          • #14
                            the rules in the 2 homes and the expectations are always going to be different. I am a more structured person and I have higher expectations from my kids. Thats just the way that I am and I know that one day my kids will thank me for that.
                            I hear what you are saying, and I concur with some of what you have said. If I was to raise our child the way I was raised, I can assure you that he will choose to live with his mom. My Ex and I had different upbringings, and she makes no excuse for the fact that things were always done for her growing up i.e. she never had to lift a finger, and there was no discipline. She is from a divorced home, whilst am NOT.


                            Interesting that one can turn off the 'adult content.'
                            Yes this is possible with most games, just as you can with most TVs these days. GTA 5's adults only content – sex acts, nudity, drug use etc was never going to be suitable for kids, the game is simply for discerning adults.


                            I personally don't play any computer / video games, but know my way around consoles and have an understanding of the games.


                            Kids, (boys mostly) will always have an incline for video games, it's up to the parents to familiarize themselves with this especially if you are going to be the one buying it for them.


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                            • #15
                              Keep reminding him that the women in the game are just like his mom, maybe he'll start picturing her instead and get turned off the game!

                              Seriously, though, maybe find another game that he's really interested in and offer to trade him for it? If all the talking makes no difference at this point, appealing to his desire for something new might work?

                              Comment

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