My ex and I had a parenting agreement signed 5 years ago. He is supposed to have our son 7 year old child every second weekend Friday to Sunday plus every Wednesday evening, plus shared holidays, etc.
I have kept a spreadsheet over the last 2 plus years that shows the days he’s missed. He has never taken him on a Wednesday, hasn’t seen him in 7 months and prior to that random weekends on Saturday to Sunday at varied times, with visits sometimes months apart. He also hasn’t taken him for two weeks in the summer ever as we agreed on.
This has caused a huge amount of emotional distress on my son previously with crying, having accidents, and lashing out with anger. Once in a blue moon I get an email asking to see our son tomorrow but it’s difficult to accommodate his last minute requests and I don’t feel it’s in the best interests or our child. I have tried to explain to him that these last minute requests are unreasonable and asked him to sit down with me and discuss a schedule he can commit to that works for him. He has even forgot to pick him up and our son was at the door waiting. When I called and asked where he was he said he forgot and couldn’t make it even though I told him our son was waiting.
Am I wrong to say no to sporadic access requests when he is not following the agreement at all? I am willing to agree to anything he can commit to but I keep telling him we need to have this conversation first beforehand. He keeps saying he’s busy and doesn’t have time to talk and continues to say I’m denying him access, but I worry for my son emotionally if his dad comes to see him with no agreed schedule then doesn’t bother for months again as he has done so over the last number of years. I have offered to drive to his house to talk, meet at a coffee shop and offered to talk anytime time that works for him. Any advice on how I should handle this would be greatly appreciated. It’s so hard to know if I’m making the right decisions for our son.
I have kept a spreadsheet over the last 2 plus years that shows the days he’s missed. He has never taken him on a Wednesday, hasn’t seen him in 7 months and prior to that random weekends on Saturday to Sunday at varied times, with visits sometimes months apart. He also hasn’t taken him for two weeks in the summer ever as we agreed on.
This has caused a huge amount of emotional distress on my son previously with crying, having accidents, and lashing out with anger. Once in a blue moon I get an email asking to see our son tomorrow but it’s difficult to accommodate his last minute requests and I don’t feel it’s in the best interests or our child. I have tried to explain to him that these last minute requests are unreasonable and asked him to sit down with me and discuss a schedule he can commit to that works for him. He has even forgot to pick him up and our son was at the door waiting. When I called and asked where he was he said he forgot and couldn’t make it even though I told him our son was waiting.
Am I wrong to say no to sporadic access requests when he is not following the agreement at all? I am willing to agree to anything he can commit to but I keep telling him we need to have this conversation first beforehand. He keeps saying he’s busy and doesn’t have time to talk and continues to say I’m denying him access, but I worry for my son emotionally if his dad comes to see him with no agreed schedule then doesn’t bother for months again as he has done so over the last number of years. I have offered to drive to his house to talk, meet at a coffee shop and offered to talk anytime time that works for him. Any advice on how I should handle this would be greatly appreciated. It’s so hard to know if I’m making the right decisions for our son.
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