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Needing advice re child custody and support from ex

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  • Needing advice re child custody and support from ex

    My ex and I never lived together dated for 2 years and one month before I gave birth he moved to a different town five hours away. He didn't come for the birth and for the first 7 months he visited four times for about 2 days each. He gave support also during that time. For the years 2018/2019 to present he hasn't come to visit or given any support. There were several occasions that he said he'd come but then canceled saying he doesn't have time. During the relationship he was verbally abusive and threatened me physically through text. He turned into an alt right supporter and became racist. He also tried to commit suicide and had his guns taken away. Since moving away I found out (not from him) last year that he moved out of the province and works as a wildlife enforcement officer presently. I started my case when he threatened that I would hear from his lawyer. In it I was asking for child support back payments, as well as child support and sole custody with him having supervised access. Now the case will be proceeding as uncontested because he's been ignoring. All I want is sole custody. Is it possible to say that I want child support/back pay once he decides to step up? By the way things are right now I feel that he's moved on and wants nothing to do with his child. Before he used to tell me that if he found a new girlfriend etc he would forget about our child. I'm at the point where I don't want drama in my life and I don't want to feel unsafe because if they were to take money from his paycheque I don't know what he'd do. What would be the best way to ask this of a judge? Also would it be possible to only have visitation at my discretion? The child is now 3 and he's essentially a stranger.

  • #2
    If you live in a province with an enforcement agency (Alberta, Ontario and Nova Scotia) then you can have support ordered against him and file it with the agency to garnish his pay cheques.

    The problem though is if he doesn’t want to pay he can find ways to do so like working for cash, disappearing and never filing an income tax return.

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    • #3
      This guy has shown his cards. He’s not going to start coming around again to see his kid unfortunately. Time to leave those dreams in the past.
      If I were you I would:
      1) Drop all contact with the guy. Change your phone number if you have to. Don’t give him your address. Abusive ex’s have a tendency of trying to weasel their way around finding ways to contact their victim, but it sounds like this one has moved on. Can’t be too safe though, especially if you think a CS order might trigger him

      2) Don’t let the thought of him paying CS intimidate you. He is not allowed to bully his way out of supporting his kid.

      3) Stick to your claim for sole, CS and back payments in court. My guess would be that he’s got a new girlfriend. He might try and quit his job when they start docking his cheques but that’s a fairly cushy job and he would then have to explain why he’s quitting to his new girl. Probably would be easier for him to just tough it out.

      I’m gonna say it once more cause I think it’s super important: loose contact with the guy completely. Your kid doesn’t deserve having some guy sliding in and out of their life on mere whims.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by emilyxox View Post
        All I want is sole custody.

        It sounds like he will not contest it. However, if he does fight it, would it be that much of an issue? At worst you'll have to "consult" with the father before making decisions, and then you can make the decision you want anyway.


        Is it possible to say that I want child support/back pay once he decides to step up?
        You can and should get child support even if he does not step up. Ask for the child support immediately.


        Also would it be possible to only have visitation at my discretion?
        Everyone knows that "discretion" is code for "kid will never see his father"

        Comment

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