Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Parenting counselling

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Parenting counselling

    The separation agreement we have states vaguely that counselling is recommended. I interpreted that as the kids needed counselling, but they are in it already.

    It could also be interpreted as my ex and I should get counselling, no?

    Is that often in there?

    And regardless of it being in the agreement or not, can/should a parent refuse to go to parenting counselling if their relationship is so hostile and difficult that they cannot get along, let alone parent together?

    Thanks for your thoughts.

  • #2
    You state that your agreement vaguely recommends counselling. The kids are in counselling. Good. If you have an acrimonious relationship you probably shouldn’t attend any type of counseling with your ex. However, you may want to go to counselling on your own just for you. To help you deal with the loss, anger and emotions so that you can better help your children.

    Comment


    • #3
      Corona do not pay for counselling if you don't have anger or so.

      The counselling in your separation document is for your children not spouse and you.

      Comment


      • #4
        I thought it might be, but the wording is vague.

        I actually would prefer it was more clear, and did say we had to attend counselling.

        The separation started badly, and over the last 2 years has just gotten worse and worse. My ex is hostile and vindictive and I’ve bent over backwards trying to be the “better person” for the kids, but it’s to the point that I can’t even read her emails anymore as she twists everything.

        It is hurting our kids.

        I’ve asked and begged her to come with me to counselling, just to get the issues dealt with that are causing her hatred for me to cloud her judgement.

        I told her she could choose the counsellor and that I would pay for everything. Or we can use our EAP which is free.

        I’ve been in counselling for over a year to deal with my issues stemming from the emotional abuse I suffered during our marriage.

        We’ve seen a parenting coordinator once, but it just caused more fights and resentment.

        I think we both want the same thing, to be adults and be able to be reasonable and parent our children well, but that can’t happen without intervention from someone.

        Why would she refuse to go to counselling to help us deal with our issues so that we can coparent better?

        Would a judge not think going to counselling is a good thing, as without it we are likely going to end up in family court 😔

        Comment


        • #5
          What does the order say about counseling? Is it its own clause or is it in a paragraph that has items related to the children or related to you and ex ,(the parties). What part of the order is it in ? Is that part related to the parties or the child ? Is counseling in the order on consent or ordered by a judge ?

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Corona99 View Post
            I actually would prefer it was more clear, and did say we had to attend counselling.
            I would be hard pressed to think of something less productive than ordering somebody to go to counselling against their will. I would walk in there and play on my phone for an hour.

            Would a judge not think going to counselling is a good thing, as without it we are likely going to end up in family court 😔
            So you want a judge to order something to avoid having a judge order something?

            Anyhow, see above, forced counselling or mediation does not work, because both parties need to agree that it is necessary.

            Comment


            • #7
              What Janus said.

              Also, counseling isn’t always a cure all. Your ex could go, agree, be on their best behaviour and then go back to being a jerk.

              Someone on this forum once said you don’t have to attend all the arguments you are invited to. My doc once told me you can’t control others, you can only control your reaction to their actions.

              Maybe you need to take a step back and set boundaries and stick to them. If your ex wants to be difficult, let them. Putting them on ignore is an excellent plan.

              And if you are worried they will withhold the child(ren), you remind them that their actions are interference and refusal of parenting time and you deal with it that way.

              Comment


              • #8
                This may be redundant, however, have you attended the free "parent after separation" course that is offered by the local court? This is mandatory in some provinces and I am always struck by how odd it is that many people do not attend when not mandatory. I've had feedback that these courses are excellent. I'm sure others will chime in who have first-hand experience attending.

                Comment


                • #9
                  If ever there was a time when all parents need to show utmost good faith in the interests of their kids it is now.
                  Whether counselling, mediation, support groups, lawsuits or participating in this forum parents really need to wake the f*** up, drop the tools and do what is best for the children instead of what they think is best for themselves.
                  As in grow up and parent.
                  Who care what vague wording is in an agreement or if there is an order?
                  Do the right thing for the kids.
                  Communicate respectfully.
                  Honour agreements.
                  Respect orders.
                  If there is a real reason to litigate do it, but exhaust all avenues to resolve first.
                  Pick your battles very carefully.
                  Set your boundaries prudently and maintain them respectfully.
                  Ask for help when you need it.
                  We are all learning as we play this crazy game.
                  You thoughts, comments, opinions are always welcome when respectful and yes empathetic.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Abba435 View Post
                    You thoughts, comments, opinions are always welcome when respectful and yes empathetic.
                    You must be new to the internet if you think that you get to control who responds to you on an open forum

                    Especially after you have just necro'ed an old thread with a mostly irrelevent addition.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Janus View Post
                      You must be new to the internet if you think that you get to control who responds to you on an open forum

                      Especially after you have just necro'ed an old thread with a mostly irrelevent addition.
                      You have an option.
                      Don't reply unless helpful. Your choice.
                      I can take what is often useful in your posts and ignore the rest.
                      It is what I do with my ex, her lawyers and now you.
                      Thanks for the inspiration and reminder to leave crap at the side of the road.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Abba435 View Post
                        I can take what is often useful in your posts and ignore the rest.
                        Do you feel that what you post is pure quality? I'm honestly curious.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Janus View Post
                          Do you feel that what you post is pure quality? I'm honestly curious.
                          Why do you care?
                          Your decision to engage or not.
                          I will take what you post as I choose and move on.
                          This is not a popularity or intelligence contest.
                          Thanks and stay safe.

                          Comment

                          Our Divorce Forums
                          Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                          Working...
                          X