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  • #16
    Stripes: Lol... I wish I could be the party with the interest "I want to be a bitch"...Must feel like a good interest. But thanks for distinguishing between position and interests. I am very keen on learning his interests so I can resolve issues asap and move on with my life. I dont have time for dealing with this but apparently he has plenty. The way I see it is my peace of mind is more important than money. Hence my desire to just "let go" of this legal BS.

    DowntroddenDad: Thanks for hitting the nail on the head. I am very leery. I was Ok with having a private agreement and child support payments being made without FRO's involvement. That only lasted three months. And all three months it was a different amount and came with this uncertainty of "if and when" the payments will be made. I am no better....but whatever...

    FightingForFamily: Griping Alert! Griping Alert! Griping Alert!
    I do concur with you on this legal system though...

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    • #17
      Originally posted by minazar View Post
      Question of the day: "Is there any benefit to speculating or to guess what the other party's motives are?"

      Once again this is neither a rhetorical or philosophical question. I'm asking this from the persepective of legal process ... Should I care what the other party's motives are?
      I think speculating about motives is extremely productive. Understanding where the other party is coming from, why they are making the demands they are, can be a huge help in negotiating with them.

      Coming here to speculate is also productive, because the accumulated brainstorming may hit upon the right answer that you may otherwise have missed.

      Comment


      • #18
        LOL. My X's "Golden Apple" was the lake house, boat, vehicles, RRSPs, reduced CS (less than table), and no SS. Mine was our son and him coming out of the split as emotionally stable as possible.

        I let him have all his golden apples and was therefore able to get mine. I just had to start over at 40, but it was all worth it! From start to finish was only a couple of months. Not one court visit. ILA only. Over.

        Recently, when he was fighting me for table CS when I filed a Motion to Change, I spent a lot of time speculating and trying to figure out what my X was doing. Mess was right about me, though - I was trying to make sense of stupid. X was motivated by money in the past and will continue to be motivated by money in the future.

        Well, it cost HIM this time, not so much me. I actually came ahead after lawyer fees.

        Forgive me, but that feels pretty good.

        Comment


        • #19
          Originally posted by Qrious View Post
          LOL. My X's "Golden Apple" was the lake house, boat, vehicles, RRSPs, reduced CS (less than table), and no SS. Mine was our son and him coming out of the split as emotionally stable as possible.

          I let him have all his golden apples and was therefore able to get mine. I just had to start over at 40, but it was all worth it! From start to finish was only a couple of months. Not one court visit. ILA only. Over.

          Recently, when he was fighting me for table CS when I filed a Motion to Change, I spent a lot of time speculating and trying to figure out what my X was doing. Mess was right about me, though - I was trying to make sense of stupid. X was motivated by money in the past and will continue to be motivated by money in the future.

          Well, it cost HIM this time, not so much me. I actually came ahead after lawyer fees.

          Forgive me, but that feels pretty good.

          Are you saying that you agreed to something in your SA to get what you wanted and then turned around and took him to court to change it? Well played...

          Do not get me wrong, I do not agree that your ex was entitled to everything as you said, but if you agreed to it, I find it a bit low to then turn around and ask for change. note to all CS payors, never accept to give up anything in exchange for reduced CS.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by Toutou View Post
            Are you saying that you agreed to something in your SA to get what you wanted and then turned around and took him to court to change it? Well played...

            Do not get me wrong, I do not agree that your ex was entitled to everything as you said, but if you agreed to it, I find it a bit low to then turn around and ask for change. note to all CS payors, never accept to give up anything in exchange for reduced CS.
            To get what I wanted? My son to be as unharmed in the process as possible? Yes - I would have agreed to anything. I would hope you would have too... but apparently not likely.

            Turned around and asked for a change? Yes, if you consider 5 years later to be "turning around and asking for a change." LOL.

            Figures some people (you) would see this as ME being the evil one instead of X being a total snake and fighting paying table support amount for his son in the first place, and then fighting it again 5 years later. For 5 years he didn't pay table, and paid ZERO DOLLARS toward S7 expenses which amounted last year to more than $1000 per month. How very evil of me to ask him to pay table child support 5 years after the fact.

            How honourable.

            Note to all CS payors or recipients: Don't marry and have children with an a**hole.

            Comment


            • #21
              Qrious - some people just think women in general are conniving and evil. I get that attitude all the time when I post about SS. Some people think I'm too hard on my ex because I simply want him to adhere to the divorce judgement which he and his lawyer agreed to in the first place.

              I'm sure your "coming out ahead' on this last round in court was satisfactory to you but likely was insignificant when calculating the total amount owed for child support.

              Comment


              • #22
                Qrious - some people just think women in general are conniving and evil.
                Some people being? I mean we all have Moms (for sure), and some have sisters and daughters

                But....to throw it back to you, would you say "some" are judging by some of the actions we see / read about?

                I find it a bit low to then turn around and ask for change.


                Sometimes people need that "change" for a cup of coffee/tea..perhaps that is what happened here???

                Note to all CS payors or recipients: Don't marry and have children with an a**hole.


                The SS payor don't get some of this love? Hindsight is 20/20 innit.....A better point will be....do your due diligence and don't marry an entitlement "a*hole"...how do you figure this out?

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by Qrious View Post
                  To get what I wanted? My son to be as unharmed in the process as possible? Yes - I would have agreed to anything. I would hope you would have too... but apparently not likely.

                  Turned around and asked for a change? Yes, if you consider 5 years later to be "turning around and asking for a change." LOL.

                  Figures some people (you) would see this as ME being the evil one instead of X being a total snake and fighting paying table support amount for his son in the first place, and then fighting it again 5 years later. For 5 years he didn't pay table, and paid ZERO DOLLARS toward S7 expenses which amounted last year to more than $1000 per month. How very evil of me to ask him to pay table child support 5 years after the fact.

                  How honourable.

                  Note to all CS payors or recipients: Don't marry and have children with an a**hole.
                  Apparently asking for a change is just plain evil. That's the 'tude I'm getting from the other side. Never mind that they could be honest, up front, advise of payroll increases and adjust cs accordingly. They could honour the agreements they make.

                  My ex is paying an astronomical amount in legal fees to avoid any and all minimal increases in child support or contribution to S7 expenses. I estimate he has paid his lawyer somewhere around $7-8 G's so far, and we only just had Case Conference. I'm asking for $10 G in arrears and a marginal increase in support (custodial issues as well).

                  Last time he spent well over $20G in legal fees to avoid paying $12000 in arrears child support.

                  My ex, it would appear, is more interested in supporting his lawyer than his child.

                  Now he up and left the country, cares so much he's passed off custody negotiations to his lawyer. But, I'm still a bitch for making a "big deal about a marginal increase and expenses".

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    MSMom - I simply surmise the negative response to standing up for one's rights as fear that their ex's will stand up for themselves.

                    If one is owed money under a court ordered agreement then they ought to receive it. If that means going back to court to do it so be it.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      If one is owed money under a court ordered agreement then they ought to receive it. If that means going back to court to do it so be it.
                      Really...tis the "tude" is it? I mean how long can people go on doing this dance....until they are 6 ft under?

                      Last time he spent well over $20G in legal fees to avoid paying $12000 in arrears child support.
                      Still dwafs the 80k plus some people have spent with no closure in sight. At some point, unless the parties are both HCP, one has to cut their losses for the sake of just moving on

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by arabian View Post
                        MSMom - I simply surmise the negative response to standing up for one's rights as fear that their ex's will stand up for themselves.

                        If one is owed money under a court ordered agreement then they ought to receive it. If that means going back to court to do it so be it.
                        You're right. But, at some point all the lawyering becomes counter-intuitive doesn't it? I think FWB said that some people are just doing this to be "right". And that's ultimately their end goal, and will pay whatever it takes to get that checkmark on their file. My ex would be financially better off if he just paid according to the agreement instead of fighting the paying portion of the agreement at every turn. He's paid more in legal fees trying to get out of increases than the increases themselves. That one I don't get at all. Cost benefit analysis ??

                        Standing up for yourself is something that others are very quick to disparage. Maybe because they fear that if someone else stood up in their lives, they'd be paying. I'm not sure.

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                        • #27
                          I think there are many people out there (my ex included) who think that if they go to court continuously they will eventually win. People like this would much prefer to pay money to lawyers than to pay what they are court-ordered to do.

                          Wouldn't my ex just love me to "cut my losses" LOL.

                          Not going to happen anytime soon. Because I stand up for myself and refuse to be taken advantage of, it does not mean I am high conflict. It simply shows that I will not be walked over. He wants to take me to court continuously then I will absolutely defend myself.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Originally posted by FWB View Post
                            Really...tis the "tude" is it? I mean how long can people go on doing this dance....until they are 6 ft under?



                            Still dwafs the 80k plus some people have spent with no closure in sight. At some point, unless the parties are both HCP, one has to cut their losses for the sake of just moving on
                            Maybe those who have spent that on lawyering have real issues. But, in my case, I'm dealing with agreement after agreement that has not been followed.

                            So he's spent $20K on lawyering an agreement he didn't follow and is now spending a further $10K?? trying to defend his not following the agreement he spent $20K to get.

                            So, we're 30K into an agreement that he has never followed. Period. And, I haven't thrown in the legal fees I spent before I realized that spending money on insanity like this was just plain dumb.

                            I'm going to go with my guts here and say that the $10G he's spending now will result again in an agreement he won't follow and, he'll once again be spending more money.

                            Maybe it's just me, but none of that seems to be in the child's best interest does it? That's tuition money, that's all sorts of vacations....

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Originally posted by arabian View Post
                              I think there are many people out there (my ex included) who think that if they go to court continuously they will eventually win. People like this would much prefer to pay money to lawyers than to pay what they are court-ordered to do.

                              Wouldn't my ex just love me to "cut my losses" LOL.

                              Not going to happen anytime soon. Because I stand up for myself and refuse to be taken advantage of, it does not mean I am high conflict. It simply shows that I will not be walked over. He wants to take me to court continuously then I will absolutely defend myself.
                              Exactly. That's what they're waiting for. They keep causing bs and spending the money on legal fees whereas it should be going to support.

                              My ex's biggest nightmare has to be me handling this on my own this time round. It's costing me financially a day's parking and a day's vacation. It's costing him a bloody fortune. I'm capable of handling it on my own, and they're becoming well aware of that.

                              Who has to give here? Defending yourself against HC isn't HC, it's smart.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by MS Mom View Post
                                Maybe those who have spent that on lawyering have real issues. But, in my case, I'm dealing with agreement after agreement that has not been followed.

                                So he's spent $20K on lawyering an agreement he didn't follow and is now spending a further $10K?? trying to defend his not following the agreement he spent $20K to get.

                                So, we're 30K into an agreement that he has never followed. Period. And, I haven't thrown in the legal fees I spent before I realized that spending money on insanity like this was just plain dumb.

                                I'm going to go with my guts here and say that the $10G he's spending now will result again in an agreement he won't follow and, he'll once again be spending more money.

                                Maybe it's just me, but none of that seems to be in the child's best interest does it? That's tuition money, that's all sorts of vacations....
                                Yes it is.

                                I always laugh when I see people fighting child support. If there is one law that is pretty much guaranteed it's this one. I can't even imagine how many people have spent more fighting child support than the support itself would have cost. They are so angry giving their ex money for whatever reason that they would rather do stupid things.

                                I don't like giving my ex money but I'm not going to stop. I'm going to do the annual increases as required.

                                Comment

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