Confused - Financial Disclosure, Sale of House, and Separation Agreement

[FREEATLAST2013]

When the judge asks for proof that he's been looking for work, he can just print off your emails... He doesn't need a lawyer, he has you fighting for him

But those are emails I sent to him, its does not show that he actually applied for the jobs.... And doesn't he have to prove that HE was activelly searching for a job? and APPLYING for it?????

[Pursuinghappiness]

Most married people support the other spouse, no sympathy there...

I feel for you, but I think you're in for a big reality check. Even if he gets min wage imputed, you would most likely still pay support. He can easily fight for support without a lawyer or any costs. He would get interim support until trial which could be years away.

Lets not get confused between a spouse who quits a job to stay home and raise children with this particular spouse who's been staying home so he can raise his high score on Call of Duty.

Completely different argument.

Its a lot harder to argue entitlement when you have a master's degree and are an able-bodied person who just hasn't bothered to look for a job because you have a gaming addiction.

Although I do agree the OP has enabled his behavior to an extreme length. I wouldn't have put up with this nonsense for a month, let alone 7 years.

However, she's definitely a got a very strong argument to impute a wage in the event of a contested divorce. I think its going to be a lot more difficult to mediate this though...unless she can get him to agree to waive support in lieu of some other type of compensation.

There's no doubt, she's fed the beast to some extent though.

[Pursuinghappiness]

And I have MANY emails with job postings, employee agency contacts, and other job leads. So I definitely can show in court that I was not happy with him being unemployed. In fact, I actively tried to find a job for him. So that argument would not pan out in court for him.

Free:

You can see where this is headed and why I'm skeptical about mediation.

If I were you, I'd start building your case to argue against support entitlement. Although I believe you have a very strong case to get a wage imputed...there's no doubt that you've weakened your position by tolerating it for such a long time. That's why I said in an earlier post that you seriously need to start practicing some self-preservation.

I have a sinking feeling that you're going to figure out really soon that the "lets all just get along and get this done" plan isn't going to work with this guy..he's a professional, unapologetic leech with a gaming addiction problem. I'm a pessimist because I'm in the middle of a divorce myself...but I'd plan for the worst being that he tries to take you for everything you're worth.

[FREEATLAST2013]

Thank you, Pursuinghappiness for being a voice of reason... I just started getting really nervous about all this ... again...

To all, I do understand that I totally enabled him... but I was trying to be a supportive spouse and stick it out with him through thick and thin... So I know I am totally responsible for some of the issues at hand. But, keep in mind that there is only so much one can do... I could show him postings for jobs, but HE has to apply for them. HE has to call employment agencies etc... And HE has to go to interviews. And if he does not do that, that means HE is not looking for a job.

[FREEATLAST2013]

Free:

You can see where this is headed and why I'm skeptical about mediation.

If I were you, I'd start building your case to argue against support entitlement. Although I believe you have a very strong case to get a wage imputed...there's no doubt that you've weakened your position by tolerating it for such a long time. That's why I said in an earlier post that you seriously need to start practicing some self-preservation.

I have a sinking feeling that you're going to figure out really soon that the "lets all just get along and get this done" plan isn't going to work with this guy..he's a professional, unapologetic leech with a gaming addiction problem. I'm a pessimist because I'm in the middle of a divorce myself...but I'd plan for the worst being that he tries to take you for everything you're worth.

Well, I am going to take your advice, and at the meeting with my lawyer (next week), I will put together a strongly worded letter that will spell out what will happen in the next month. The letter will include specific steps and timelines. If he misses even one deadline, that will be it, and I will go the court route.

I am also going to go the lump sum route, and he will be responsible for his own bills from now on.

Thanks to people's comments and posts I have MANY questions for my lawyer, specific clauses to be included in the agreement, and clear idea what my next steps should be.

[DowntroddenDad]

Free, you really have to take the emotion out of the situation.

You know you did your best to try and get him to work. But he will also make his arguments, and you would have to convince a judge, who will not be impressed by emotional arguments. It is hard to predict what might happen, other than predicts big bucks spent by both sides on lawyers.

My ex and I had an agreement that she would work when the kids were all in school. Just when we hit that point, she told me she was diagnosed with incurable dibilitating progressive disease. It took me years to discover she didn't have it(and she knew it). At first in our separation agreement discussions, she claimed to be disabled and unable to work. (yet she didn't qualify for ODSP). My lawyer and I discussed what we would have to do to prove it - a court ordered occupational evaluation, at the cost of big bucks, with no guarentees that even if it proved what we suspected that the judge would interpret it in our favour.

So if you have to compromise a little or sweeten the pot, think about the expense and time of court before you get defensive.

[HappyDays]

I was in somewhat of a similar position. Ex has multiple degrees, with the last one obtained 8 years ago. She worked the whole marriage, and took the last 2 years off... not for kids, but because she wanted to apply elsewhere.

She's young, healthy, educated... but claims "out of work too long", "education is out of date", "no jobs available", and "needs to go back to school". She showed a few simple emails she sent out for jobs, and only claimed to have gone to a bunch of job banks and interviews.

I went in thinking there's no way. I showed hundreds of jobs available, case laws to show education is not outdated, etc.... I'm now paying spousal support while she goes to school for years to obtain yet another degree in a new field.

Trust me, I feel for you... but he really doesn't have to show much for entitlement. He's been out of work and school for a long while. I could only assume even with degree, he would only get min wage imputed... unless he says he's going back to school, then it may be no imputed income or part-time min wage...

It's going to be a long battle for you. Stop thinking you've been so nice to him so he should be nice to you now... Even playing video games, I'm sure he knows what he's entitled to. If you really don't want spousal support, offer something "more" than what he is entitled to... like a larger percentage of the home equity as lump sum. (fyi - I bought my ex out of the house. She got all the money and ss)