I’ve been reading several posts here for the last day or two and I’ve found them very helpful. So thanks to this community for your honesty and insight into an area of life that is difficult to get helpful perspectives on.
I’ve been thinking of divorce for some time. Several years off and on. If it wasn’t for my 2 kids (8yo son and 5 yo daughter) I would have pulled the trigger long ago.
My parents were divorced when I was young and I lived the experience as a kid, so one of the reasons I’ve stuck it out with my wife is because subjecting my kids to a similar experience would rip my heart out. But yet, I am deeply unhappy with my marriage.
My wife and I hardly speak outside the context of our roles as parents. When we do speak, it most likely devolves into argument or snide remarks pretty quickly. Our marriage has been pretty much sex-less for many years and I’ve been sleeping in the spare bedroom for the better part of the last 2 years.
We’ve done some marriage counseling that wasn’t very effective. Gone through 2 rounds of “relationship coaching”. I’ve also done fairly extensive work / counseling on myself over the last couple of years, mainly because I wanted to have some certainty that this wasn’t manifesting due to some remnants of my past. None of this has shifted the experience of our relationship significantly.
Hence all this research on divorce.
Another thing... I’m the sole bread winner. I’ve been encouraging her to work for many years and she currently spends many hours a day at a multi-level marketing business, but has not brought in any income or contributed to the household financially after about 10 months of effort. This is her 4th or 5th such endeavor.
I guess another reason I’m hesitating is because I would really prefer not to get financially raped if I do choose to go thru with this process.
I don’t hate my wife. Our relationship has devolved into a roommate situation with really no benefit for me and all responsibility on my plate.
I’m just so uncertain as to what to do. Staying the course would just be so soul sucking... but choosing divorce seems like such a disruptive change that sets me back so far in all sorts of other areas of life.
I’ve read several posts that suggest that you exhaust all other options before choosing divorce... and then exhaust some more.
In that spirit I’ve been researching the John Gottman work and am considering a course with my wife in the very near future.
I’ve also read that you should know what to expect if you do choose divorce, but I’m not sure how to do this.
Any insight or advice based on your experience would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks in advance.
I’ve been thinking of divorce for some time. Several years off and on. If it wasn’t for my 2 kids (8yo son and 5 yo daughter) I would have pulled the trigger long ago.
My parents were divorced when I was young and I lived the experience as a kid, so one of the reasons I’ve stuck it out with my wife is because subjecting my kids to a similar experience would rip my heart out. But yet, I am deeply unhappy with my marriage.
My wife and I hardly speak outside the context of our roles as parents. When we do speak, it most likely devolves into argument or snide remarks pretty quickly. Our marriage has been pretty much sex-less for many years and I’ve been sleeping in the spare bedroom for the better part of the last 2 years.
We’ve done some marriage counseling that wasn’t very effective. Gone through 2 rounds of “relationship coaching”. I’ve also done fairly extensive work / counseling on myself over the last couple of years, mainly because I wanted to have some certainty that this wasn’t manifesting due to some remnants of my past. None of this has shifted the experience of our relationship significantly.
Hence all this research on divorce.
Another thing... I’m the sole bread winner. I’ve been encouraging her to work for many years and she currently spends many hours a day at a multi-level marketing business, but has not brought in any income or contributed to the household financially after about 10 months of effort. This is her 4th or 5th such endeavor.
I guess another reason I’m hesitating is because I would really prefer not to get financially raped if I do choose to go thru with this process.
I don’t hate my wife. Our relationship has devolved into a roommate situation with really no benefit for me and all responsibility on my plate.
I’m just so uncertain as to what to do. Staying the course would just be so soul sucking... but choosing divorce seems like such a disruptive change that sets me back so far in all sorts of other areas of life.
I’ve read several posts that suggest that you exhaust all other options before choosing divorce... and then exhaust some more.
In that spirit I’ve been researching the John Gottman work and am considering a course with my wife in the very near future.
I’ve also read that you should know what to expect if you do choose divorce, but I’m not sure how to do this.
Any insight or advice based on your experience would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks in advance.
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