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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 10-29-2019, 11:27 AM
backinthesaddle backinthesaddle is offline
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My ex is getting petty with days we have kids etc. I have helped him out this year even taking the kids for 6 weeks for him full time while he had some personal issues sorted out.Not a dime paid to me, no thanks, NOTHING. I did it because they are my kids and I want them anytime I can. We have 50/50 but one child (17yrs) lives with me almost full time. He stays with his dad 4 days a month and ex doesn't realize that although he has a bed at his house doesn't mean it is still 50/50. Fast forward a few months and I had to take older child out of town for a sporting event. He is hung up on the two days he had to take the other 2 children while I traveled with our other child because it was "my" days to have the kids. How do other families do it with multiple children? When married it was divide and conquer but now it is difficult. Ex doesn't work so it is his personal free time and not helping or refusing on my days is his personal choice that he is entitled to. This is aimed at hurting me which in turn hurts the kids because I am usually running around like crazy trying to get kids everywhere. I help him out even on "his" days. I even make food and send it over to his house.
Another issue is that one child has a sporting event out of town coming up.All the children want to go. It is his weekend to take the kids. I work weekends and am working this particular weekend and I offered to go if he would take another weekend in lieu. I don't have personal time off so it is work or kids. For me to do anything like doctors, dentist etc I have to take time off work otherwise I have my kids. The time off is substantial at 3 full 12hr days and alternatively I could cash those hours in for pay. I am not asking to be paid for taking them nor for him to contribute anything toward the weekend. I simply wanted him to take the kids 3 days for me so I could get stuff done or have a personal day. Thoughts? High conflict ex is not fun.
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Old 11-01-2019, 03:10 AM
tilt tilt is offline
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Why are you sending food to his house? Being a doormat to a high conflict ex is no fun and is not appreciated by them or anyone else. You are focusing on the short term of your childrens needs instead of the long term. So, let the other parent fail. Dont take the kids on his days, dont expect him to keep the kids on your days and stick with the formal schedule without flexibility (since the flexing is clearly in just one direction). You need to time away from them to recuperate. The kids will vote with their feet to be with the parent who will actually parent. Get a new status quo set and file to have CS re-evaluated. It may be that the time-intensive weekend event has to be dropped if you just dont have the resources; you cant make time and money appear just because you want them. No one appreciates a martyr, not even your kids.
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