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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 11-29-2018, 12:58 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Default Communication with new wife

Question for a relative...

Separated from ex fianc for two years, two children 50-50 following 2-2-5 schedule.

Communication was always between mom and dad either text or email, sometimes over the phone... it wasnt perfect on either end all the time but for the most part they were both civil. However there were some times where Dad would try and get sexual in nature in his texts with mom and mom blew this off. It was then found out that Dad had also been sending sexual messages to a few mutual friends... a month ago the new wife found these messages on Dads phone and since has told mom that she is NOT to contact Dad regarding anything, including the children... any communication is to go through her.

Mom has continued to email Dad but a response always comes from the new wifes email, mom turns around and responds to Dads personal email and once again gets a response from new wife. Mom has advised Dad she will not be speaking to new wife regarding their children. New wife has responded with a massive email stating they have spoken to their lawyer and Dad speaking to mom isnt good for Dads well being and as such mom can only communicate through new wife. Mom would like to write another email stating that she is blocking new wifes email and will only communicate through Dads personal email (knowing full well new wife will still be the one responding) but she doesnt want to be corresponding through new wifes email. If its through Dads email and he chooses to allow new wife to respond he cannot later state he never received the emails because Mom only communicated through new wife.

Does mom have any other options here? New wife has always been super demeaning to Mom in all her communications and Mom really just doesnt want to deal with the new wife. New wife has stated because shes the step mother she has just as much rights to make decisions for the children as mom and dad do and crap like that (which we know is simply not true)... mom just wants to communicate what needs to be with Dad and not have the drama dealing with the new wife.

For clarity... they have an unwitnessed parenting plan they have been following since about a month after separation. Any communication is about changes to schedule... like this week one child was sick so mom stayed home and emailed dad to let him know child was sick so both kids were with her for the day (other child doesnt go to school just daycare) and to let her know when he would like her to drop the kids off or when he would like to pick them up. The response from the new wife was ranting about how mom didnt have the authority to make that decision without speaking to them to determine how sick child was and that they would not be picking children up due to her laziness (not sending child to school and daycare) and mom could drop them off at X time... called Mom little girl, lazy, would get her eyes open soon, etc.


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  #2  
Old 11-29-2018, 01:14 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Jesus.

What about our family wizard?

She should just ignore. If kids are sick she should still try to drive them or follow whatever schedule. Or just send an email stating where pick up is etc.

As frustrating and hurtful as this is, an unreasonable person cannot be reasoned with. Mom needs to simply reiterate that she will not be reading any emails sent by WIFE and if she persists she will be blocked. If her ex husband doesnt have the balls to deal with his new wife thats not her problem.
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  #3  
Old 11-29-2018, 01:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
Question for a relative...

Separated from ex fianc for two years, two children 50-50 following 2-2-5 schedule.

Communication was always between mom and dad either text or email, sometimes over the phone... it wasnt perfect on either end all the time but for the most part they were both civil. However there were some times where Dad would try and get sexual in nature in his texts with mom and mom blew this off. It was then found out that Dad had also been sending sexual messages to a few mutual friends... a month ago the new wife found these messages on Dads phone and since has told mom that she is NOT to contact Dad regarding anything, including the children... any communication is to go through her.

Mom has continued to email Dad but a response always comes from the new wifes email, mom turns around and responds to Dads personal email and once again gets a response from new wife. Mom has advised Dad she will not be speaking to new wife regarding their children. New wife has responded with a massive email stating they have spoken to their lawyer and Dad speaking to mom isnt good for Dads well being and as such mom can only communicate through new wife. Mom would like to write another email stating that she is blocking new wifes email and will only communicate through Dads personal email (knowing full well new wife will still be the one responding) but she doesnt want to be corresponding through new wifes email. If its through Dads email and he chooses to allow new wife to respond he cannot later state he never received the emails because Mom only communicated through new wife.

Does mom have any other options here? New wife has always been super demeaning to Mom in all her communications and Mom really just doesnt want to deal with the new wife. New wife has stated because shes the step mother she has just as much rights to make decisions for the children as mom and dad do and crap like that (which we know is simply not true)... mom just wants to communicate what needs to be with Dad and not have the drama dealing with the new wife.

For clarity... they have an unwitnessed parenting plan they have been following since about a month after separation. Any communication is about changes to schedule... like this week one child was sick so mom stayed home and emailed dad to let him know child was sick so both kids were with her for the day (other child doesnt go to school just daycare) and to let her know when he would like her to drop the kids off or when he would like to pick them up. The response from the new wife was ranting about how mom didnt have the authority to make that decision without speaking to them to determine how sick child was and that they would not be picking children up due to her laziness (not sending child to school and daycare) and mom could drop them off at X time... called Mom little girl, lazy, would get her eyes open soon, etc.


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That's hilarious, like rockscan said I would use OFW, no emails or text. Dealing with anyone else other than dad would invite for conflict.

If dad is not mature enough to stick strictly with his children's issues and nothing else then it's his problem. He has to deal with it, not his partner, plain and simple.

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  #4  
Old 11-29-2018, 03:01 PM
StillPaying StillPaying is offline
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There really shouldn't be a need for so much communication. Perhaps they need a better parenting plan in place.

If your ex said to use the other email address, then I would just send it there and cc ex's other email address as well. Just make sure to always address your ex each time. Then make use of b.i.f.f. in the future.
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  #5  
Old 11-29-2018, 03:09 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Jesus.

What about our family wizard?

She should just ignore. If kids are sick she should still try to drive them or follow whatever schedule. Or just send an email stating where pick up is etc.

As frustrating and hurtful as this is, an unreasonable person cannot be reasoned with. Mom needs to simply reiterate that she will not be reading any emails sent by WIFE and if she persists she will be blocked. If her ex husband doesnt have the balls to deal with his new wife thats not her problem.


Mom offered OFW and it was turned down... Dad was fine with email until wife found his message. Mom
Isnt hurt by it just super annoyed her ex cant communicate about the children and that the wife is dictating that all communication go through her


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  #6  
Old 11-29-2018, 03:15 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Originally Posted by StillPaying View Post
There really shouldn't be a need for so much communication. Perhaps they need a better parenting plan in place.



If your ex said to use the other email address, then I would just send it there and cc ex's other email address as well. Just make sure to always address your ex each time. Then make use of b.i.f.f. in the future.


Unfortunately when children are sick or there are snow days or what not communication needs to happen. How would dad know children wouldnt be at daycare because they were sick of mom didnt communicate that? How
Would mom know a good time to drop the kids off if she didnt ask? Sometimes dad picks them up at 4pm from daycare some times its 6pm depending on his work schedule so mom needs to communicate to determine when someone will be available to transfer the kids.

It was never Dad that asked this email be used... she hasnt heard from dad since wife found his text messages... randomly one day she got an email from his wife saying not to email dad anymore all communication is to go through her only. Yes moms aware a better parenting plan is needed but thats not so easy when dad wont communicate and really their schedules work fine, its this demand that the wife be the middleman which is causing issues.

Mom would just like to block wifes email and let dad know she wont be responding to any emails that dont come from dads account


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  #7  
Old 11-29-2018, 03:34 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Is dad reading her emails and dealing with the issues within them? If yes then She should send them both an email and let them know she is not a part of their marriage and their marital issues do not involve her. That she is legally obligated to communicate with the childrens father NOT his new wife. That she will not read or review any emails from the wife. She will ONLY communicate with the childrens father.

Then she puts the wife on block, ignores anything that comes in and deals directly with her ex husband. If he doesnt pick up the kids or deal with his parenting time then thats his problem. She can simply bring them to her house or keep them and be done with it.

If he doesnt respond/read her emails then he needs to be told face to face if possible that the communications issues are his to fix.

Theres really two issues heredealing with the new wife and dealing with the shared parenting. Stopping communication or ignoring the new wife is easy. Figuring out how to parent with a man who cant handle his shit is difficult.
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Old 11-29-2018, 03:42 PM
StillPaying StillPaying is offline
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A proper parenting plan would take care of most of their issues. Having a set schedule helps and it doesn't matter what, but either something could happen to school, daycare, parents or child; what should we do...

Why prolong the drama - or at least respond with a sexual nature to make it fun. Pretend new wife is dad's lawyer, who cares, and continue emailing them both. No need to stress that the same message should be sent from a different email address, and a motion really wouldn't help you.

If mom has already been communicating with this email address and this is dad's only communication, then it's hard to block it now.
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  #9  
Old 11-29-2018, 03:54 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Originally Posted by StillPaying View Post
A proper parenting plan would take care of most of their issues. Having a set schedule helps and it doesn't matter what, but either something could happen to school, daycare, parents or child; what should we do...



Why prolong the drama - or at least respond with a sexual nature to make it fun. Pretend new wife is dad's lawyer, who cares, and continue emailing them both. No need to stress that the same message should be sent from a different email address, and a motion really wouldn't help you.



If mom has already been communicating with this email address and this is dad's only communication, then it's hard to block it now.


You are truly missing the point... they have a parenting plan, it works and it was working until wife got involved... please explain what else can be in a parenting plan to make is easier? It only works if both follow. Is dad supposed to be a mind reader that the kids are home sick? Youre not making any sense...

Mom has no desire to communicate with the wife, nor does she have to. When she emails dad and says kid is home sick today. Would you like me to drop her off or would you like to pick her up? And she gets a response from wifes email saying she is lazy and had no authority to keep kid home without speaking to them first, how is this helpful? Wife is the one full of drama. Mom cant keep her emails any shorter. If wifes emails include something mom needs to respond to she responds back to Dads email, not his wifes.

A couple weeks ago mom suggested dad keep the kids on the Sunday nights on his weekends and drop off at daycare in the morning that way there are no face to face exchanges... wife wrote back and said absolutely not that doesnt work for them... that night the wife dropped the kids off at Moms house and as soon as mom opened the door wife said look at you its no wonder youre still single... laughed and walked away... Mom doesnt care what wife thinks of her but does she have to subject herself to this type of talk every time there is something going on with the children?

Wife is at dads lawyer, she has no legal grounds to the children, just because her husband is a cheater (btw Dad cheated on mom with wife so its not like she didnt know he was a cheater before she married him!)


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  #10  
Old 11-29-2018, 03:56 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Is dad reading her emails and dealing with the issues within them? If yes then She should send them both an email and let them know she is not a part of their marriage and their marital issues do not involve her. That she is legally obligated to communicate with the childrens father NOT his new wife. That she will not read or review any emails from the wife. She will ONLY communicate with the childrens father.

Then she puts the wife on block, ignores anything that comes in and deals directly with her ex husband. If he doesnt pick up the kids or deal with his parenting time then thats his problem. She can simply bring them to her house or keep them and be done with it.

If he doesnt respond/read her emails then he needs to be told face to face if possible that the communications issues are his to fix.

Theres really two issues heredealing with the new wife and dealing with the shared parenting. Stopping communication or ignoring the new wife is easy. Figuring out how to parent with a man who cant handle his shit is difficult.


Dad doesnt deal with anything... wife does... wife has done the last couple drop offs/pick ups, wife sends all responses to Mom.


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