As an update after our case conference brief....
Mom had filed for sole custody and based the argument on:
- mentally unstable (PTSD)
- violent, aggressive, psychologically intimidating
- controlling
- assaulted her
- abusive towards our children
- there was abuse during the marriage (that was new for the Conference Brief)
- children are afraid of me
- my behaviour is responsible for our daughters "alienating themselves"
I responded, refusing to get into a custody battle, requesting (for the second time in three years), an assessment.
I could go through it all, but, simply stated: what she describes, is not supported by any agency which has been involved with our family (CAS and Police) and while I had had an inappropriate in inexcusable outburst in September of last year, is not echoed by our daughters.
(Oh, and I no longer meet the DSM-V threshold for PTSD which is a victory for me and my family).
For three years (long before our daughters started to physically gravitate towards OP), I had voiced concern that it seemed as though OP was trying to have them choose to be with her singularly and that it was putting a huge amount of strain on our daughters. I had filed for an assessment in 2015 but mistakenly withdrew it when OP seemed to adopt a far more reasonable position.
In 2016 our youngest started showing obvious signs of being torn, OP refused to commit to ensuring our daughter's felt at ease in both homes instead of being so attached to her alone. Their counselor termed it "unhealthy".
Then my outburst and our daughters gravitated away for a few weeks.
By the end of the school year, they were coming home on every regular day again, with CAS and their Counselor working to re-introduce the overnights.
OP was resistant, it was noted by CAS in one of their reports and cautioned again the road-blocking
Then she filed for sole custody. All in. Since then our daughters, now diagnosed anxious and depressed stopped coming home more and more. Now we rarely see them and I don't want to force them and have them feel even more torn. When we do see them, it's just as it always had been and I hold on to that as our baseline, however inconsistent.
So her application for sole custody fell apart. She argued against the OCL stating that even if they did accept the file, they did not have the "quality control" to ensure that a review was completed appropriately. She took the position that I should surrender every document relating to my counselling and therapy to her, for her review, and possible review from a professional of her choosing.
We had a judge who pointed out that CAS had recently provided an official letter stating that they believed a comprehensive assessment was "required". This, months after our worker had stated that the Society supported a return to 50/50 and that if that could not be supported by both parents, an assessment should be considered. The judge also stated that the recent and sudden loss of contact between myself and our daughters was "concerning".
She had fought against an assessment for three years. She wasn`t left much of a choice.
An order has been signed to have the matter forwarded to the OCL and, if they do not use a Clinicians Assist, we are ordered to have a private assessment completed.
I have never been so happy to be under the microscope.
No more blocking police records which speak against her claims
No more refusing to consent to the release of CAS files.
No more defending against every accusation.
She can worry about substantiating her allegations to OCL and the assessor, and, when she isn't able to, she can worry about explaining why she has said what she said. She can explain why our daughters have been temporarily alienated, either temporary or permanently from other members of her own family with whom she was in conflict and where she said she was acting in their ~best interests~.
I and can go back to focusing on making sure our daughter's know how much they are loved and supported in their relationships with me.
Focus can finally remain fixed on our daughters, making sure they are as supported as they can be and in the best possible position and routine to flourish now and going forward.
Mom had filed for sole custody and based the argument on:
- mentally unstable (PTSD)
- violent, aggressive, psychologically intimidating
- controlling
- assaulted her
- abusive towards our children
- there was abuse during the marriage (that was new for the Conference Brief)
- children are afraid of me
- my behaviour is responsible for our daughters "alienating themselves"
I responded, refusing to get into a custody battle, requesting (for the second time in three years), an assessment.
I could go through it all, but, simply stated: what she describes, is not supported by any agency which has been involved with our family (CAS and Police) and while I had had an inappropriate in inexcusable outburst in September of last year, is not echoed by our daughters.
(Oh, and I no longer meet the DSM-V threshold for PTSD which is a victory for me and my family).
For three years (long before our daughters started to physically gravitate towards OP), I had voiced concern that it seemed as though OP was trying to have them choose to be with her singularly and that it was putting a huge amount of strain on our daughters. I had filed for an assessment in 2015 but mistakenly withdrew it when OP seemed to adopt a far more reasonable position.
In 2016 our youngest started showing obvious signs of being torn, OP refused to commit to ensuring our daughter's felt at ease in both homes instead of being so attached to her alone. Their counselor termed it "unhealthy".
Then my outburst and our daughters gravitated away for a few weeks.
By the end of the school year, they were coming home on every regular day again, with CAS and their Counselor working to re-introduce the overnights.
OP was resistant, it was noted by CAS in one of their reports and cautioned again the road-blocking
Then she filed for sole custody. All in. Since then our daughters, now diagnosed anxious and depressed stopped coming home more and more. Now we rarely see them and I don't want to force them and have them feel even more torn. When we do see them, it's just as it always had been and I hold on to that as our baseline, however inconsistent.
So her application for sole custody fell apart. She argued against the OCL stating that even if they did accept the file, they did not have the "quality control" to ensure that a review was completed appropriately. She took the position that I should surrender every document relating to my counselling and therapy to her, for her review, and possible review from a professional of her choosing.
We had a judge who pointed out that CAS had recently provided an official letter stating that they believed a comprehensive assessment was "required". This, months after our worker had stated that the Society supported a return to 50/50 and that if that could not be supported by both parents, an assessment should be considered. The judge also stated that the recent and sudden loss of contact between myself and our daughters was "concerning".
She had fought against an assessment for three years. She wasn`t left much of a choice.
An order has been signed to have the matter forwarded to the OCL and, if they do not use a Clinicians Assist, we are ordered to have a private assessment completed.
I have never been so happy to be under the microscope.
No more blocking police records which speak against her claims
No more refusing to consent to the release of CAS files.
No more defending against every accusation.
She can worry about substantiating her allegations to OCL and the assessor, and, when she isn't able to, she can worry about explaining why she has said what she said. She can explain why our daughters have been temporarily alienated, either temporary or permanently from other members of her own family with whom she was in conflict and where she said she was acting in their ~best interests~.
I and can go back to focusing on making sure our daughter's know how much they are loved and supported in their relationships with me.
Focus can finally remain fixed on our daughters, making sure they are as supported as they can be and in the best possible position and routine to flourish now and going forward.
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