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  • #16
    I sat through a two hour motion in court a year ago on this very issue, and all I could think about while they nattered on an on was how petty and self-centred the parents were, not only because they were unable to agree on what is not really an earth-shattering parental issue, but also because they had to run off to court and force a judge who knows NOTHING about the family to decide for them. And it cost them $4K in legal fees.

    RIDICULOUS!!!!

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    • #17
      I don't plan on going to court - my ex and I are actually supposed to be engaged in the collaborative law process

      If needs must, then I will find a way to pay for the school trip myself, as it is in my son's best interests to go.

      What I am asking is if it is unreasonable to expect him to contribute his share.

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      • #18
        no, it isn't unreasonable. Especially since he has over 6 months to put the money together.
        Have you talked to the teacher about the funding problem? Sometimes schools have a special fund to help single parents fund expensive trips. I know my mom was given a portion of the money for one trip when I was young. Worth looking into just in case he fails to pay.

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        • #19
          Please!!!

          Originally posted by dinkyface View Post
          It seems dadtotheend is assuming the issue is child-centred i.e. what is best for the kids. But perhaps the issue is really about the impact on YOU - which is perfectly valid. When there is a dispute, it helps to be very clear and communicative about the reasons for disagreeing with what the other parent is requesting. Always keep separate in your mind your needs from those of your children.
          Why is it that divorced mothers "deserve time to themselves"?!!! I stay home with my children and don't "expect" their father to take them on a week's vacation so i can have "time to myself" I would be bored and miss all of them terribly. I really dont get that.

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          • #20
            Sometimes I get tired of having two full time jobs (my paying career, which I love, and my parenting job, which I also love). I don't think of it as "deserving" a break, but I do appreciate some time to myself to chill, recharge my batteries and have some fun adult time.

            For example Mom has just asked if she can take the kids to Florida for a week in the spring. They kids will love it, Mom's family (who is going as well) will love it, and I will appreciate the downtime, especially because it will coincide with my biggest job related deadline of the year.

            It makes me better for my kids when I have them. I don't expect it, but I appreciate it.


            AND we didn't have to run off to court and force someone who doesn't know us or our kids to decide for us. We actually did some collaborative PARENTING. Heavens to Betsy!!!

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            • #21
              Originally posted by dadtotheend View Post
              Sometimes I get tired of having two full time jobs (my paying career, which I love, and my parenting job, which I also love). I don't think of it as "deserving" a break, but I do appreciate some time to myself to chill, recharge my batteries and have some fun adult time.

              For example Mom has just asked if she can take the kids to Florida for a week in the spring. They kids will love it, Mom's family (who is going as well) will love it, and I will appreciate the downtime, especially because it will coincide with my biggest job related deadline of the year.

              It makes me better for my kids when I have them. I don't expect it, but I appreciate it.


              AND we didn't have to run off to court and force someone who doesn't know us or our kids to decide for us. We actually did some collaborative PARENTING. Heavens to Betsy!!!
              oh trust me I GET IT... I love my space my issue is that some parents of divorce feel it is "deserved" and if it does not coincide with their schedule all hell breaks loose.
              not fair to the children or either parent. Of course if I put in for vacation at my job....and notify the CSR but...If it doesn't work with their schedule and time lines I AM TH E ONE THAT HAS TO CHANGE everything!!!! even after attempting to be adult and negotiate not only do I upset the RULES but apparently the lives of the every one involved.
              I am a strong, secure woman who loves her step child as her own and attempts to make life easier for everyone. Should I just be done and say enough...my life is mine and i will do what I want? That seems to be what CSR's do so why shouldn't I?
              Because I have a concsience?

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              • #22
                Originally posted by formyhubby View Post
                Why is it that divorced mothers "deserve time to themselves"?!!! I stay home with my children and don't "expect" their father to take them on a week's vacation so i can have "time to myself" I would be bored and miss all of them terribly. I really dont get that.
                When part of a couple, I enjoy time with my family. As a single parent, I would enjoy "time to myself" to go out on a date, etc. Kids are wonderful but they can dampen the spirit of a romantic evening.

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                • #23
                  Everyone deserves downtime. It's healthy and necessary to be focussed enough to be a good parent. In a married relationship there is another parent to take over when you need a break, but after divorce that parent might not be availble when you need them, or they might not feel they have to provide that time for you.

                  There is nothing wrong with planning for some time to yourself as long as you make sure kids are well taken care of while you recharge. Parents are human too, it is unfair to expect anyone to be 100% available 100% of the time. Sheeesh, I thought I was signing up to be a MOM not a MARTYR!

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