Originally posted by Tayken
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I would further recommend you transcribe the entire voice message in the message. Don't summarize it. In fact, just transcribe it word-for-word.
The one thing highly conflicted people are unable to deal with is the truthfulness of their own words and conduct. Don't censor it but, don't attack it. Just quote it and leave it as a statement of transcribed fact.
It is amazing how people can not get to the business of parenting their children after separation and divorce and continue to try and re-live the failure of their adult relationship and seek "fault" with the other parent.
Common statements that you should watch for:
"my children"
"your decision"
"you did this"
"you are mentally unstable"
"you are the problem"
"because of what you are doing the kids can't do x"
"my children are in danger because you are mentally unstable/ill"
These individuals can't often see their own abusive conduct by making the allegations. Furthermore, they can't see that it doesn't solve problems and only creates more. They are often unable to resolve problems.
Common patterns to watch for is multiple residential moves, being fired for disagreements with their managers, multiple jobs and projections of blame that you some how are causing this to happen to them.
These statements over time, which are clear projections of blame, often when dealing with highly conflicted people turn into multi-page affidavits, contempt motions and often unfortunately, telephone calls to the police or CAS.
Highly conflicted people can't evaluate their own emotional state and often write incredibly histrionic statements of blame. They continually make you their lightning rod ("target of blame") for everything that they are not happy with in their life. Just as they do before the court, to anyone who will listen and often the police and CAS.
Self-realization to one's emotional state is one of the major lacking features of highly conflicted people. This may because they constantly live in a state of anxious fear that something bad is going to happen to them. That everything is "all your fault". They often will even try to project that you have some "magical" ability to control others not thinking about how their own conduct, statements and false allegations.
Many highly conflicted people want the court to "believe" them... To validate their "feelings". They fly into court on unsubstantiated allegations projecting blame with the "magical thinking" that the court will "believe" them and "see you how they see you in their paranoid/delusional way" and put all sorts of orders against you to "punish" you.
They don't realize they are walking into "family court" and not the "court of unsubstantiated allegations, distortion campaigns, emotional vitriol and shaming the other parent".
Often, for these highly conflicted litigants (and often their "negative advocate laywers") even after numerous judges tell them to stop they just don't. They continue down the path of "bad advice" and can't let go of their personal issues, refuse to seek the appropriate therapy and continue to hurl allegations like rocks.
What they often don't realize is that they are hurling rocks in a glass house and some (or a lot of) these rocks hit their children... They often have unrealistic expectation of their "dreams" and when their "dreams" don't come true they look to blame you - their target of blame - because they are unhappy.
Again, everyone has the opportunity to change... But, with the assistance of therapy and proper and qualified mental health clinicians can they achieve this...
Good Luck!
Tayken
The one thing highly conflicted people are unable to deal with is the truthfulness of their own words and conduct. Don't censor it but, don't attack it. Just quote it and leave it as a statement of transcribed fact.
It is amazing how people can not get to the business of parenting their children after separation and divorce and continue to try and re-live the failure of their adult relationship and seek "fault" with the other parent.
Common statements that you should watch for:
"my children"
"your decision"
"you did this"
"you are mentally unstable"
"you are the problem"
"because of what you are doing the kids can't do x"
"my children are in danger because you are mentally unstable/ill"
These individuals can't often see their own abusive conduct by making the allegations. Furthermore, they can't see that it doesn't solve problems and only creates more. They are often unable to resolve problems.
Common patterns to watch for is multiple residential moves, being fired for disagreements with their managers, multiple jobs and projections of blame that you some how are causing this to happen to them.
These statements over time, which are clear projections of blame, often when dealing with highly conflicted people turn into multi-page affidavits, contempt motions and often unfortunately, telephone calls to the police or CAS.
Highly conflicted people can't evaluate their own emotional state and often write incredibly histrionic statements of blame. They continually make you their lightning rod ("target of blame") for everything that they are not happy with in their life. Just as they do before the court, to anyone who will listen and often the police and CAS.
Self-realization to one's emotional state is one of the major lacking features of highly conflicted people. This may because they constantly live in a state of anxious fear that something bad is going to happen to them. That everything is "all your fault". They often will even try to project that you have some "magical" ability to control others not thinking about how their own conduct, statements and false allegations.
Many highly conflicted people want the court to "believe" them... To validate their "feelings". They fly into court on unsubstantiated allegations projecting blame with the "magical thinking" that the court will "believe" them and "see you how they see you in their paranoid/delusional way" and put all sorts of orders against you to "punish" you.
They don't realize they are walking into "family court" and not the "court of unsubstantiated allegations, distortion campaigns, emotional vitriol and shaming the other parent".
Often, for these highly conflicted litigants (and often their "negative advocate laywers") even after numerous judges tell them to stop they just don't. They continue down the path of "bad advice" and can't let go of their personal issues, refuse to seek the appropriate therapy and continue to hurl allegations like rocks.
What they often don't realize is that they are hurling rocks in a glass house and some (or a lot of) these rocks hit their children... They often have unrealistic expectation of their "dreams" and when their "dreams" don't come true they look to blame you - their target of blame - because they are unhappy.
Again, everyone has the opportunity to change... But, with the assistance of therapy and proper and qualified mental health clinicians can they achieve this...
Good Luck!
Tayken
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