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  • Discussing kid issues

    All you people with difficult high conflict exes I got a question for you.

    When kid is having an issue (school, work, behaviour etc) how do you deal with your ex on it?

    My partner found out his kid, who refuses to speak to him, did spectacularly awful in school last term and approached his ex to discuss it. (Via email, very polite--Im concerned and would like to discuss what we as parents can do to help her, you have my support as a father and partner in raising her etc) The response didn't have any discussion or information on what the problems are just "she needs a tutor are you going to pay for it?" From the report card its a serious problem with doing homework, paying attention, handing in assignments and following direction. I didn't realize there was tutoring for listening to the teacher. How exactly does one tutor in art?

  • #2
    Originally posted by rockscan View Post
    All you people with difficult high conflict exes I got a question for you.

    When kid is having an issue (school, work, behaviour etc) how do you deal with your ex on it?

    My partner found out his kid, who refuses to speak to him, did spectacularly awful in school last term and approached his ex to discuss it. (Via email, very polite--Im concerned and would like to discuss what we as parents can do to help her, you have my support as a father and partner in raising her etc) The response didn't have any discussion or information on what the problems are just "she needs a tutor are you going to pay for it?" From the report card its a serious problem with doing homework, paying attention, handing in assignments and following direction. I didn't realize there was tutoring for listening to the teacher. How exactly does one tutor in art?
    This has been a problem in my case as well. Initially, we chalked up the school problems to the conflict. Turns out he has a very mild diagnosis of ADHD (likely amplified by the conflict). With that, we have an Individualized Learning Plan in place with the school. This essentially give him more tools and opportunities to get work done, while working towards better discipline, etc.

    Working with the ex was difficult. Communication must be clear, polite, and direct. If you are getting nowhere, request a meeting with the school for both of you together.

    Determining a root cause for the poor performance is probably your biggest challenge. If you can get that, putting a plan in place should be relatively simple.

    Of course, if your ex is simply not cooperating and your child is being negatively impacted, legal channels may be an option. This would be a difficult issue to bring to court I think. You need the school and any other professionals on your child's side to produce a recommendation or expert report.


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    • #3
      Yep there are many problems. His ex has taken to ignoring him unless its a financial issue. When she sends those emails she waxes poetic about how wonderful the kids are and how they owe it to them to give them everything they can. How can he do that when he has no clue wtf is going on. He cant call the school because they will only release report cards (as per moms confidentiality requests). Kid is 16 and refuses to speak to dad so he knows nothing. She also gets to choose her own courses. Hes not totally daft to think that his ex a) doesnt discuss the course selection and b) doesnt know whats going on. His ex knew the mid term grades were bad but shared nothing with him. You would think as a parent (even a difficult one) who wants whats best for their kid you would say at mid term "kid is pulling 55 in every subject, these are her issues, ive found a tutor who will do xyz to get her grades up and make sure assignments are handed in, can we agree to split the cost?" His answer would have been hell yes.

      The biggest problem is that his ex feels shes the only parent and encourages the issues between dad and kid. Which then snowballs into this bs when he wants to know wtf is happening.

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