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  • #16
    He did contact social services at the time amongst other things. I guess you'd have to hear the entire story to know what he and I both deal with with regards to his ex. She shouldn't have custody of the kids and its just one more thing that social services overlooks just like her 10 year old daughter who was put in a treatment centre for attempting suicide! Just like her mother has attempted to do. Thanks for the support


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    • #17
      Originally posted by polly4 View Post
      Bm asked my BF to get the melatonin. Bm had the dosages she was giving written down. As mentioned this was a while back so I'm thinking she's still giving high dosages

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      Melatonin comes in a variety of doses and the tablets can be split so nobody really knows how much they take if she is potentially buying a higher dosage that's cheaper to purchase and splitting them. It's not even classified as a drug or regulated, it's essentially the same as one parent choosing to give the kids vitamins and the other not. I find your posts disturbingly alarmist and calling social services extreme.

      Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
      Obviously what you want to hear is that mom is being horrible for giving the kids this. Well you're not going to hear this. If dad was so worried back then when mom 'wrote down the doses' why didn't he do something then?
      Agreed, so mom wants to ensure the kids have a regular and consistent bedtime and the kids get enough sleep, and it appears the other parent allows then to stay up much later. Not being able to sleep at dad's place isn't a side effect of melatonin use, typically sometimes it can make you feel drowsy the next day, not the opposite.

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      • #18
        It's not extreme when social services has been supervising her for the last 3 years. As I said there are many other behaviors combined with this that are "alarming" to say the least. She has been institutionalized many times and is a nurse. She knows to say to get the drugs she needs for both her and her kids.

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        • #19
          And she wrote down the dosages she gave the kids. I'm not sure how many ways I have to say it.

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          • #20
            I believe it would be appropriate to discuss this with your family physician.

            Perhaps the parents should consult with one another about giving the children any medications. This is likely a combination of poor communication and lax bed-time routines during holiday season. Perhaps the parents can agree on keeping each other in-the-loop in future as opposed to an offensive position? Many people use a communication book for younger children to keep both sides informed about minor health issues.

            With that said, I can understand the concern if the parent who is "dosing" the children is a recovering addict ..... However, if you don't approach this rationally all you will likely get is anger and denial (addictive personality traits) which will not solve the issue.

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            • #21
              Hi Polly - I think that what we are trying to understand is did the ex wrote down,"buy a bottle of 500mg melatonin" or was it more like I give Johnny 250mg, and Suzy gets 650mg

              If you could get that you would actually have something concrete to ask your health care provider about. Also your partner is entitled to speak with his children's medical practitioners and ask if it's appropriate.

              He may not have been concerned because he didn't know what an appropriate dosage is. Some of us accept people at face value and don't question everything.

              Also I have an autistic child. Sleep does not come easily to him. We've never given him melatonin. What we do try and do is keep him occupied lso that his body will get tired and help him settle. Simply giving him some yarn is great - he will run all over the house getting the cat to chase him.

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              • #22
                This is an interesting little article which briefly talks about addiction.

                The Genetics of Addiction - Is Addiction a Disease?

                "The children of addicts are 8 times more likely to develop an addiction."

                I would have concerns that children are trained to think that they need a substance to help them sleep (let them discover that when they are our age).

                I've seen situations where parents also abuse asthma drugs/puffers.

                Might be a good thing to get the kids on track with idea that doctors are the ones who decide when someone needs medicine.

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by arabian View Post
                  I believe it would be appropriate to discuss this with your family physician.

                  Perhaps the parents should consult with one another about giving the children any medications. This is likely a combination of poor communication and lax bed-time routines during holiday season. Perhaps the parents can agree on keeping each other in-the-loop in future as opposed to an offensive position? Many people use a communication book for younger children to keep both sides informed about minor health issues.

                  With that said, I can understand the concern if the parent who is "dosing" the children is a recovering addict ..... However, if you don't approach this rationally all you will likely get is anger and denial (addictive personality traits) which will not solve the issue.
                  Thank you for your honest and non abrasive response. As mentioned, this is a long drawn out story but their current communication is minimal. She has accused him of many abuses and he chooses not to communicate with her because she just lies about everything. She won't admit to using melatonin anyway as he disagreed with her using it on the first place. He will need to get medical advice. We are always on high alert due to mental illness and lack of parenting skills. It's a really long story. Thanks again Arabian.

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by arabian View Post
                    This is an interesting little article which briefly talks about addiction.

                    The Genetics of Addiction - Is Addiction a Disease?

                    "The children of addicts are 8 times more likely to develop an addiction."

                    I would have concerns that children are trained to think that they need a substance to help them sleep (let them discover that when they are our age).

                    I've seen situations where parents also abuse asthma drugs/puffers.

                    Might be a good thing to get the kids on track with idea that doctors are the ones who decide when someone needs medicine.
                    They are trained because they are always asking their dad for medicine when they go to bed.

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                    • #25
                      As a parent of a child (now adult) with asthma the thinking was that they wanted to get the child to take responsibility for taking their medications as opposed to parents having to run after kids all the time.

                      Perhaps you can think along those lines and come up with a strategy for teaching your children to question the mother, or anyone other than their doctor, about taking medicine. A simple strategy might be for the kids to write in a special book when they take their medicine and how much they take. I don't know the ages of the children involved here.

                      Perhaps others on here can chime in with ideas. You can't be with your kids all the time but you can certainly develop their awareness to dangers of drugs in a non-threatening way. Getting them to write things down would be a good start. It might irritate the shit out of the mother but that is something that you can't control. Perhaps she will be a bit more careful in the future when she knows that she may have to be accountable about this.

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by arabian View Post
                        This is an interesting little article which briefly talks about addiction.

                        The Genetics of Addiction - Is Addiction a Disease?

                        "The children of addicts are 8 times more likely to develop an addiction."

                        I would have concerns that children are trained to think that they need a substance to help them sleep (let them discover that when they are our age).

                        I've seen situations where parents also abuse asthma drugs/puffers.

                        Might be a good thing to get the kids on track with idea that doctors are the ones who decide when someone needs medicine.
                        I wouldn't get the kids use to the idea that a doctor are the ones that decide..they may end up with a pill pusher like my Grandmothers doctor. She was on 15 (yes fifteen) different pills. When she ended up in the hospital due to the pill pushing doctor (she died, was resuscitated) she ended up only needing three of the pills when she was released. She would get a side effect from a pill and all he would do was prescribe another pill to take care of the side effects. It was at the point she didn't even have to see him, she would call and he would just send a fax to the drugstore. Why the drugstore didn't catch it, I have no idea. She is now in a different province with a different doctor and only taking two pills now.

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                        • #27
                          I would most definitely prefer a paediatrician to recommend medications (over-the-counter as well as prescription) than a nurse-addict any day.

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                          • #28
                            Oldest child is on medication. She is 11 and takes 5 pills twice per day. So we know what she takes. She is over medicated and no matter what BF days says bm does whatever she wants. In fact, oldest child brags she's just like her mom. It's sad. (Her mom is on medication for her mental illness) Other two kids are just too small (preschool) to know what's going on.

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                            • #29
                              From my experience of melatonin, it isn't sedating and doesn't cause ongoing disruption of sleep - so if the kids are wired and up until late at your house, it's probably not because of melatonin.

                              However, I am not a paediatrician, and I don't think anyone other than a paediatrician should be making the call on whether this is a bad thing or not. That includes pharmacists. A pharmacist will be knowledgable about prescription drugs, but pharmacists don't have medical training - they might know the guidelines for prescription drugs (which melatonin is not), but they won't know much about how ongoing use might affect someone, particularly not a child. The father needs have a talk with the children's doctor before he does anything.

                              At the moment, there is no reason to call social services, from the information that you've provided. Mom may be mentally ill and a recovering addict, but unless you have evidence that she's harming the kids, there is no reason why social services should be involved. The fact that the kids are hyper at your place and that you personally don't think parents should give their kids anything to help them sleep doesn't add up to abuse or neglect.

                              And if you've dealt with recovering addicts you know that any accusation of substance use or misuse will set off a storm of denial and anger - so be very, very sure you know exactly what is going on before you and/or the kids' father accuse Mom of drugging the kids.

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                              • #30
                                First, to your verbiage: "bm" is a term used in adoption/ivf. Have the children been adopted or are they from donor egg?
                                Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

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