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  • #46
    Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
    That's why I've said time and time again...losing your kids often really has nothing to do with gender. Its about status quo. Regardless of gender, you cannot leave your house during a separation and you must exercise your access rights. Do not let anyone gatekeeper the kids. The problem is that people often follow the same habits in separation that they did in marriage. So a spouse that worked more and let the other spouse watch the kids more...they'll keep those habits up in separation and it forms a bad status quo.

    What people should do in separation is simply insist upon a fair 50/50 access schedule, stay in the house, and document all their time with the kids. If you do that...regardless of gender...you have a very high chance of ending up with a joint custody arrangement at the end of your divorce.

    Losing custody/access isn't about gender...its about people who don't understand how family law rules work. If you do certain things (like moving out without a sep agreement), male or female, you have a good chance of losing custody of your kids.
    This why a this legislation needs to be passed.

    A forced status quo couldn't be used as an argument. It would also stop the battles that drag on for years because the parent attempting to limit the access wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

    Kids get into healthy parenting situations quicker, and parents spend less time continuing costly court battles arguing over access.

    Win-Win in my books.

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    • #47
      Amen! In year #2 of court battle over shared parenting, 6 years after separation.

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      • #48
        I wonder how many lawyers would support this bill? The fight over shared parenting seems to be quite a lucrative one.

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        • #49
          Originally posted by arabian View Post
          I wonder how many lawyers would support this bill? The fight over shared parenting seems to be quite a lucrative one.
          Custodial cases are very lucrative. All those extra orders that can be made to determine custody - just adds dollars to the already high cost of legal fees.

          How about a bill that makes parents who fight for this equal shared parenting stand up to the plate and parent? Presumptive equal parenting is not ideal when the only reason one parent is seeking equal parenting is for a reduction in child support and nothing more.

          This bill would have caused my custodial nightmare to cost 10 times as much in legal fees as it already has.

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          • #50
            Originally posted by MS Mom View Post
            Custodial cases are very lucrative. All those extra orders that can be made to determine custody - just adds dollars to the already high cost of legal fees.

            How about a bill that makes parents who fight for this equal shared parenting stand up to the plate and parent? Presumptive equal parenting is not ideal when the only reason one parent is seeking equal parenting is for a reduction in child support and nothing more.

            This bill would have caused my custodial nightmare to cost 10 times as much in legal fees as it already has.
            Well if child is there with you, you have no choice but to parent. If the child is at your home you need to feed the child, make sure the child is dressed properly, homework done etc. Now, the other parent might not do it the way we want it to be done, but that does not mean that they are not stepping up to the plate and parenting.

            Somebody earlier mentioned that the courts are not subjective when it comes to gender. but in that example somebody gave, lady that moved out and then after two years was able to get shared custody, if the roles were reversed and dad moved out and tried to break status quo after 2 years, to get shared parenting I do not think that the outcome would be the same.

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            • #51
              Originally posted by Toutou View Post
              Well if child is there with you, you have no choice but to parent. If the child is at your home you need to feed the child, make sure the child is dressed properly, homework done etc. Now, the other parent might not do it the way we want it to be done, but that does not mean that they are not stepping up to the plate and parenting.

              Somebody earlier mentioned that the courts are not subjective when it comes to gender. but in that example somebody gave, lady that moved out and then after two years was able to get shared custody, if the roles were reversed and dad moved out and tried to break status quo after 2 years, to get shared parenting I do not think that the outcome would be the same.
              I'm not talking about washing clothes and feeding them. I'm not talking about him not doing it the way I'd like. I'm talking about him just not doing it at all. Nothing, nadda. I'm talking about someone going to court to get joint custody, shared parenting and off-set child support and then not bothering to show up again for access - ever.

              I can be held in contempt for not allowing access - he can just not show. No consequence. Doesn't even have to pay S7 expenses unless I take him to court over and over. Fair??

              Shared custody and joint custody can NOT be in the best interests of the child. Believe me. It can be to their detriment.
              Last edited by MS Mom; 02-19-2014, 05:54 PM.

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              • #52
                This why a this legislation needs to be passed.

                A forced status quo couldn't be used as an argument. It would also stop the battles that drag on for years because the parent attempting to limit the access wouldn't have a leg to stand on.
                There is no legislation required here. The already existing rule is that parents have assumed 50/50 custody during separation pending a court order stipulating otherwise.

                The issue is that people either don't exercise their access or let the other person block their access. That won't be fixed with legislation. People have to not be strong-armed by a stbx spouse during separation and insist upon their right to 50/50 access with their children.

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                • #53
                  Custody is an "obligation"
                  Access is a "right"

                  There is no legislation required here. The already existing rule is that parents have assumed 50/50 custody during separation pending a court order stipulating otherwise.
                  This is not true at all especially in cases of exclusive possession with home makers.


                  Right now custody is "BEst Interests of the Child" which basically means fight for it with whatever means necessary.

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                  • #54
                    When a couple end their relationship there is often a lot of hurt and strong feelings to " get back" at the other party. So how do they do this? Well unfortunately it is often through their children. The children get used as the pawns in long legal battles to " win" against the ex! It is appalling how much money "lines the pockets" of Family Law Lawyers to fight these battles.

                    However, given that every situation is different it is not viable to put a blanket solution in place. I think legislating 50/50 shared parenting can only increase the " battles" and further increase the amount spent on legal counsel. I agree joint custody should be a given unless one parent proves incapable and this should be clearly defined. However, assuming that 50/50 is in the best interest of all children ; regardless of age; regardless of parental commitment; regardless of parental support systems available could well prove a disaster for the children.

                    I think we need laws to prevent parental alienation, to prevent " gate keeping" of children. We need laws to ensure that CS and section 7 expenses are not the bases for more legal battles. I have read so many posts that discuss the problem of how to get these amounts paid, adjusted and fair. We need a better FRO organisation that employees efficient, smart counsellors who do their job by answering the phone and serving all their clients properly; both the payee and the payor. We need a standard agreement that is used in all child related separation agreements, so we do not have these nightmare agreements with uneforceable clauses, created by lawyers which only result in more legal fees to get them sorted out. We need a special legal program that all lawyers who want to practice Family Law must complete. Rather like a specialist must have. Would you allow anyone but a heart specialist to tamper with your heart or anyone but a certified accountant deal with your company finances. But we engage lawyers who have " experience " in family law govern our decisions. They should have to complete a special course in Family Law to be able to play around with peoples lives.

                    Most of these " fixes" are internal court and government issues. Having a fancy bill introduced will only make that person important and further their career. Once the bill is past who would have to deal with it. The lawyers- they will make more money fighting against the 50/50 base for their vengeful clients. But it will not solve the basic issues of inept lawyers creating poor agreements which require more and more legal battles in the future, nor the FRO machine,which seems to be inefficent and hire poorly qualified staff and seems to be incapable of managing their assigned task. Until we fix these problems we should not think about introducing new legistlation.

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                    • #55
                      Bringing FRO into 2014 would be a good step. I can't believe that FRO isn't online! No child support annual recalculation program so people don't have to go to court every year. Why isn't this in Ontario?

                      You should be able to go on line and click and print your past year's child or support payments for your income tax preparation. I believe Ontarians have to what call and request it be mailed to them???? I'm surprised a telex machine isn't used LOL.

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
                        There is no legislation required here. The already existing rule is that parents have assumed 50/50 custody during separation pending a court order stipulating otherwise.

                        The issue is that people either don't exercise their access or let the other person block their access. That won't be fixed with legislation. People have to not be strong-armed by a stbx spouse during separation and insist upon their right to 50/50 access with their children.
                        This isn't true. Please show me where in the Divorce act or the Family Law act where it presumes the access to be shared 50/50.

                        I didn't "let" my ex do anything.

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                        • #57
                          thought of something to say and decided that I d rather not say it anymore!!!
                          Last edited by OntarioDaddyMan; 02-21-2014, 05:45 PM. Reason: nevermind

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