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What an adventure.. but am I good now?

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  • What an adventure.. but am I good now?

    Ok so I have been a viewer of this forum for awhile now and lots of great advice on here. I want to share my divorce and how it proceeded.. I have been separated for 5 years and married for 5 years, my ex and I split on relative good terms at the time and I was facing some extreme financial issues that warranted a bankruptcy.

    Instead of fighting and going to court we made an agreement that I would pay child support following the child support tables and in addition i agreed to pay her spousal support at approx mid range for 5 years. We made our own agreement (likely somewhat stupidly) and in addition she would stay at the matrimonial home deducting the costs from the support money until shes in a position to put it in her name.

    Access to the kids was very open and I took them every single weekend. On paper it was at least every other weekend. I just couldn't do 50/50 for my work hours. Fast forward 4 years later and things went REALLY sour. Updated the agreement to put the house in her name and I was going to take a small portion of the equity. That fell through.. she then was behaving differently and was never home leaving all the kids to her now ex bf.

    A few months past.. agreed to put a lien on the house so she could find a new place as she has had more kids and not enough room in the house.. she spent the money elsewhere. I then find out she has a big addiction problem. So I finally decided to take her to court to force a sale of the house and go for custody of my kids.

    Things went even worse for her and she has a few criminal charges. She never took part of the court process and It went to an uncontested trial. She didnt show up for that either and the orders were made for me getting custody and house selling and ending spousal in a few months (like the original agreement stated)

    She now threatens to try to get the decision pushed aside and thinks she can now fight me in court really just around the house and trying to get the original agreement (which states she would get more money.. I was trying to be nice for my kids sake at the time as I didnt know about her addiction) my lawyer said it's possible if she acts fast to get the decisions pushed aside but she has to have a good reason to do so and needs to act fast. It has been 2 weeks since the trial.. do you think she has any chance ?

    I'm moving to sell the house but I likely have to get cops to allow myself and the realtor in etc.. shes losing her mind but all she cares about is money.. not the kids.. CAS is involved with the other kids and she only has supervised visits along with my kids.

    I'm likely over thinking things but I just want to move on at this point and concentrate on my kids. Theres no way she could get custody at this point but she keeps on telling me she has a mortgage approval and appraisal done following the old agreement and shes going to fight it.. I said to her it needs to follow the court order division now.. all i get is threats and lies.

  • #2
    Is she living with her other kids in the house? If she is, was there a deadline on her vacating? For instance she will vacate within 30 days.

    If she is not living with the kids and you own the house, you may be able to go through the sheriff’s office as an eviction. You may want to contact the landlord and tenant board to ask that question.

    If there has been a decision and you served her properly throughout the process she would have to prove why she didn’t respond and defend it. From what I have read, that is pretty much impossible.

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    • #3
      She lost custody of her other kids. Or is in the process of that anyways with child services. Theres some other things that happened between her and her ex bf that involves criminal charges. I yanked my kids out of that environment in the summer as I seen the decline and got concerned with random people staying at the house with kids around.

      Essentially power was given me to put it for sale without her and she has to allow showings and keep it clean. Shes just likely not going to play nice.

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      • #4
        She could try to argue that she has had problems with her ex bf (she charged him with abuse etc) and was not mentally stable to defend.. but I think that's a stretch

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        • #5
          I would look into evicting her. It would help. If you have sole possession it may simply be a matter of designating her a squatter or something.

          May want to call the police general assistance line.

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          • #6
            I dont think I can evict her as I dont have sole possession. If she doesn't comply then that will likely happenn. I have already spoken to the police and they said they would deal with her if she doesnt comply with the orders.

            Shes just unrealistic with this whole situation. Its sad really as I did more then what was required of me.

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            • #7
              You've been at this a lot longer than I, so I can't offer much at the moment. I, as well, have received an order to unilaterally sell the matrimonial home. I've been at this for 1 year and no further ahead at this point (changed realtors in the mix as well... as this is not a good situation for a realtor to walk into). I've had a few offers, but fell through due to the condition of the home. My ex hasn't refused entry or caused any commotion, but has let the home go into disarray to say the least. Like your situation, my ex didn't partake in the court proceedings and place her head in the sand (so to say). At this point, all I can tell you is be prepared to take a lot less for the home than you think. You may get an offer that could settle things for you, and I truly wish you do. In my experience, seeing as I haven't lived in the home for almost 3 years, the condition has declined dramatically. I wish you the best and document everything in case you need to bring it back to court.

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              • #8
                Well luckily the area is red hot and the value has increased fairly high. If I get nothing out of the ordeal but the house is gone and I stop paying the mortgage and the arrears plus the lien, then that's great. She literally just told me that she will just wreck the house if I move to sell it, which would hurt her as well. Common sense is lacking severely, she doesnt realize that would go against the court order as well.

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                • #9
                  I had to get a court order for exclusive possession and to list and sell home without my ex consent. I needed to get him out so I could clean and repair the home he was making go to shit. And I needed to make sure he didn't jeopardize showings and accepting an offer. And I needed to make sure he was out on closing since nobody could assure me. These measures were drastic and I felt bad because he had no place to go. The judge granted the order based on pictures that I had of the poor condition of the home and that he was depleting my half of equity. I waited too long to do this as my home had lost 100,000 in value due to ex making home go to shit. Don't waste time. Get order and get your spouse out. Don't feel sorry for her. She would throw you under the bus if she had to. Don't expect her to ever be reasonable.

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                  • #10
                    Thanks for the advice, I got an order to sell without her signature and she needs to keep it clean and in good condition. I tried reminding her that she needs to follow the order. The cops know her well for the wrong reasons and said they will deal with her if she dont comply. Tomorrow i will be going to the house with the realtor and wish me luck.

                    Oh and she just sent me a text indicating shes filing a motion.. i asked about what but she never replied. A motion to change the judges decisions?? I dont think it's all that easy from what I have read.

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                    • #11
                      Does the court order also clearly state she can't interfere with showings, ie. refuse to allow the realtors and potential buyers in the home? If no, I don't see how police can assist with that as they can only help enforce what is in the court order. Unless you get exclusive possession and get her out you will not have full control of the situation. She sounds unhinged and unstable. Expect more of this behaviour as you try to sell your home. This is why I went for exclusive possession and had it all in one court order. Take pictures while you are there with your realtor so you have them just in case. I too had to live and learn and the money I am burning on legal fees is eating up all the equity from the home.

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                      • #12
                        The order does state that and the house must be in sellable condition. I plan on taking pics and likely going to record audio if she talks to me. Sigh... all this seems petty but I'm done with her antics.

                        Comment

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