Just a bit nervous, that's all...

[Heart-broken dad]

Well, my first case conference is in 2 weeks, I have all my forms filled out and just need to go to the courthouse to get them signed. I don't have a lawyer, yet, but I'm confident that I can get through this first part by myself, and afer that, we'll see.

What can I expect at this case conference? Is anyone willing to share their experience?

[logicalvelocity]

I suspect no significant orders would be granted unless on consent. The case conference will be informal and more or less an opportunity to get the parties together to discuss the issues. The Judge may make recommend or make procedural orders on how the case shall proceed. Anything urgent, the Judge may forward the matter to motion or further conference.

If your feeling nervous, imagine how the other side feels. Its normal to feel nervous and also have anxiety before hand. To assist yourself with the conference, write yourself a plan on the issues you would like to discuss. Remember that this is your opportunity to discuss anything before the Judge so take your time.

lv

[phoenix]

Arrive early, at least an hour. If you are in Ontario (I don't know about other provinces) everyone is entitled to meet with a free duty counsel before going into the courtroom. Depending on your income, you may qualify to have the duty counsel accompany you right into the courtroom and speak on your behalf. That is what I had. Each time I went to court it was a different lawyer, but at least I had a lawyer sitting right beside me, and if I felt it necessary, I let them speak for me. They were great, and it didn't cost me a cent. When you get there find the schedule sheets, check out which court room your are in. Sign up for the duty counsel on the sheet.

Dress nicely, it makes a difference, even if only how you feel about yourself. Believe me, the judges notice if you show 'respect' to the court by dressing appropriately.

Get your paperwork in order. Have file folders for the different topics, such as: financial disclosure and financial papers, your copies of your court paperwork, etc. Don't bring a camera phone, they'll make you take it back out to your car. Feel free to bring a friend or someone who helps you feel calm. They will be allowed into the duty counsel office with you and may remember to ask some questions that you might forget because of your nerves. Sometimes the judge will also allow them to sit behind you in the court room.

lv is right, make a list of what is important to you, what you hope to accomplish... talk about this with the duty counsel ahead of time.

Hope this helps... good luck. You can do this!

[wmike]

Just nervous....

Hi.....in keeping this short

I've got to agree here with everything that Phoenix states. Look neat, be organized , remain calm and participate. I was through 2 Case conferences, the 2nd time I represented myself. My ex was seeking "exclusive Possession" of the house, first time round, but it was tossed out of court. Her party did not properly present full disclosure of income either...so not much was accomplished.!

In my own opinion...the Judge is looking for a "no nonsense", common sense plan of attack in order to settle your case. If he sees any form of disorganization and an unwillingness to cooperate he may suggest different forms of mediation or at least try to enforce a direction of settlement. In my case it was suugested that we sell the matramonial home.

LV or Phoenix.?? Can you not attend a Case Conference and/or proceed with a Paralegal.

[Heart-broken dad]

So obviously, the judge will have already read all the documents, and will probably ask us how flexible we are for negotiations. Will I be able to mention anything else that's NOT in the documents at that time, or should I make sure everything is available to them?

[wmike]

Hi Heart-Broke Dad.

Details, circumstances are all different for every case. Do you have kids involved, do have many assets, a house, property, multi incomes, a business.
Did you wife work through the entire marriage OR stay at home....how long were you married. Did you run up debt.!

Is there any chance of mediation with your Ex. ?? No one can answer that except you.!

My ex surpised the hell out of me....when it came to money.! Look out,
I faced an entirely different person. One thing I learned from this whole ordeal, never underestimate what the other party may do. When Lawyers get involve they cerainly love a longterm dispute. Means more of this $$$$

Most people hire a Lawyer because their scared and have no idea where to start. Great thing about the Internet.. is you can do some research on your own. Get an understanding what "exclusive possesion" is, what it means etc..

Heart-Broke.? are you from the Ottawa area.?

w.

[Heart-broken dad]

Do you have kids involved, do have many assets, a house, property, multi incomes, a business.
Did you wife work through the entire marriage OR stay at home....how long were you married. Did you run up debt.?

All of the above! 14 years common law. She has her own business and worked all the time, except during pregnancy, when I supported her since she had no money coming in. Does that work for me, or against me?

Is there any chance of mediation with your Ex. ?? No one can answer that except you.!

Talked about it, but her lawyer convinced her to send me court papers...

One thing I learned from this whole ordeal, never underestimate what the other party may do.

Bwaaaah ha ha ha ha ha!!!! You got that right! I'm seeing another side of her that didn't know existed! If I would've known she was so feisty, I might have stayed with her!

Most people hire a Lawyer because their scared and have no idea where to start. Great thing about the Internet.. is you can do some research on your own. Get an understanding what "exclusive possesion" is, what it means etc.. .

I've been doing so much reading, I'm going cross-eyed.

Heart-Broke.? are you from the Ottawa area.?.

Yup!

[wmike]

Hey....

Of course the Lawyer doesn't want independent mediation, he makes no money. They say that 75% of the marriage break ups in the USA couples are attempting to settle things by themselves with use a notorized "Separation
Agreement" .

If you continue to battle through court and go the full 9 yards....it may cost you both $10,000 - $15000.00 easy. Think about.!

[Heart-broken dad]

Yeah, and of course, her lawyer will try to get me to pay for all her legal expenses. Nice....

I've already written down that I'm more than willing to attend mediation. And I think I've been VERY reasonable in my demands and I'm sure, or hope, the judge will look favourably upon this. Her demands are crazy and excessive. But I guess I can't blame her for aiming high.

[phoenix]

So obviously, the judge will have already read all the documents

Not necessarily so... it would be nice, but not all judges read the applications ahead of time. Be prepared to offer him/her a 'readers digest' version of what your papers say. Read your own application over and be very familiar with it and what you're saying -- so that if need be, you can direct him/her to specific paragraphs in your application.

and will probably ask us how flexible we are for negotiations. Will I be able to mention anything else that's NOT in the documents at that time, or should I make sure everything is available to them?

The more that you can make available, the better. However they are usually ok with submitting more information at the time of the conference. However, if you have more "requests", I would suggest you officially file those requests and serve them to your ex in enough time for the case conf.

Unfortunately, what is "allowed" and not "allowed" is mostly at the whim of whatever judge you get and his/her mood that day.

This info is all from my own experiece... I'm no legal eagle. Hope it helps...

[singledad99]

Yeah, and of course, her lawyer will try to get me to pay for all her legal expenses. Nice....

I've already written down that I'm more than willing to attend mediation. And I think I've been VERY reasonable in my demands and I'm sure, or hope, the judge will look favourably upon this. Her demands are crazy and excessive. But I guess I can't blame her for aiming high.

Also remember one thing that bluffing plays a big role in family law cases. Judges are not stupid and are well aware of this. You should be aware which bluff to call and when to bluff back. When you do bluff, make sure you got your back covered in case your ex calls it. Do not be afraid to disagree and do not be intimidated. Most of all, be prepared and be realistic. You should also be able to demonstrate solid decision making skills. Read between the lines. Although, like what LV said, nothing major is expected to happen at case conference, but you will get a good feeling of what's gonna happen in future hearings.

[wmike]

Heart_Broke Dad.

Whether your Ex submits Legal paperwork and takes you to
a Case Conference.....you can enter into different forms of Mediation at "anytime".

1st, Try to convince her to go that direction simply to save money & time.
2nd, Try to convince the Judge that you wish to proceed in that direction as well. "Here is the bases of my agreement" ---- spell it out to the Judge.!

If I had to do it all over again...I would have shown some balls and
drafted a Separation Agreement AND negotiated back & forth with a BASE agreement. Most financial matters really are Black & White.

Note: It's been shown that the female side does not support or trust mediation. I my opinion , they have been easily convinced by the Lawyer's not to go in that direction.!!!

[phoenix]

Note: It's been shown that the female side does not support or trust mediation. I my opinion , they have been easily convinced by the Lawyer's not to go in that direction.!!!

Not sure where you saw that "shown"... in my 'opinion' it's more likely that the marriage ended badly and ended because of a betrayal of trust -- of course I only have my own experiences with the 'female' friends I know who have been through unfriendly divorces.

In my case, I discovered that I had been lied to for years by my ex... if he was capable of looking me in the eyes and lying to me for the past 10 years, why on earth should I believe that suddenly *now* he was going to be honest and forthcoming in mediation? Personally, I was FAR more comfortable taking my chances with a judges' decision than hoping that my ex was going to miraculously be true to his word.

[Decent Dad]

So obviously, the judge will have already read all the documents, and will probably ask us how flexible we are for negotiations. Will I be able to mention anything else that's NOT in the documents at that time, or should I make sure everything is available to them?

Don't count on that. Judges rarely read the documents, especially at a case conference. They want to get out of there as quick as possible.

Even at a motion, they will read only about one page of an affidavit and the factum. Done.

Anything goes in a case conference. You are not restricted by the material "before the court". But, if you want it heard at a motion, makes sure it is "before the court". i.e. in a filed document somewhere.

CC's are kind of a joke. So don't be nervous. Think of it as good practice before the real show (i.e. motion, trial, lynching). But... if you need something ordered (e.g. disclosure)... you can get that done at the case conference.

Good luck.

DD

[Heart-broken dad]

I guess I would really like to get the judge's attention to the fact that I need to have shared custody of my children pronto. I've been seeing them every other week-end for 3 months now, and it's killing me!

Is there any chance of me being granted shared custody (one week on, one week off) at the court conference? There's really nothing terrible that prompted this separation, it's just that there was too much arguing about issues that have been unresolved for years, and it was starting to affect the kids as they were getting older. Now her lawyer is all gung ho and is going after me like I'm the last Dodo bird on the planet....