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  • #16
    Originally posted by denbigh View Post
    It is also reasonable that your ex wants a Saturday.
    Do you also think it's reasonable to renege on an agreement?

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    • #17
      She isn’t reneging on an agreement. The schedule worked when they had it and now its not working. What is unreasonable is one parent trying to withhold the kids, creating unnecessary drama or being stubborn about negotiating an alternative. We are hearing one side of it and trying to help. The bottom line is the kids are struggling (for whatever reason) on their Saturday pick up.

      Comment


      • #18
        I think it is reasonable to change schedules as children age. My kids days and weeks at age 2 were not the same as age 6 or will they be again at 16. That is true if all kids whether intact or not families. It is entirely reasonable for divorced families to also need to change parenting schedules as their kids grow up. Clearly the schedule is not working great for anyone in this case, not the ex, not the kids and problem caused by the schedule is transition which is impacting everybody. It seems the disagreement, as the poster started moms wants to change and he is willing but they can’t agree on whether Monday or Friday is the day to change. Does the day of the week matter?

        Comment


        • #19
          It sounds nice, but it doesn't work that way. They had an agreement/order. Ex now wants to change it, but will need a material change. Child taking longer to get in the car 1 day a week is not a material change, neither is ex now wanting weekend time.

          Only ex is being unreasonable here. The option is available for 50/50. If they don't want that, they shouldn't be able to change their agreement so they get majority time and weekends.

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          • #20
            thank you everyone for you input.

            It seem the focus is on the transition. The transition is 1% of the total time that the kids are with me, yet everyone including my ex is using it to extrapolate the kids are not doing well. Is this what the courts and the public will focus on?

            I am a good father. The kids are fine when they are with me. i have done everything in my power to give them the experience and opportunities that I never had. I have taken them to mexico, cruises, cottages, camps, skiing, tennis, fishing trips, etc. I have taught them math and science (STEM). My 8yr daughter is way ahead of her class in Math and is doing excellent in school. My son is killing it in SK. All the teachers are telling me they are doing excellent. I do all these things and i'm so proud of them. And I am taking them to Punta Cana in two weeks. Yet, the focus is this transition and many are implying the kids are not doing doing well.

            It kills me that I have such a hard time receiving them on Saturdays at 4pm. And it shouldn't be that way.

            I am more than happy to give up a Saturday, but it need to be fair to me. I only have the kids 3/7 days, so I am happy to exchange alternating Saturdays for alternating Fridays, so that both the ex and i can have a Friday and Saturday every 2 weeks. Or she can give up 2 alternating week days for an alternating Saturday. With regards to swapping the Monday for a Saturday, not the same as kids are at school and i'm at work so not equivalent.

            Ideally i want week on week off or 2255, which would be perfect. Ex doesn't want any of that, yet ex says the kids are still too young. Again, there is no material change for me to force a 2255 or week-on-week-off schedule.

            Comment


            • #21
              If I understand your schedule, Mom gets the two kids ready for school four days a week and you only get them ready for school one day a week. She also does not have any full non-school days with them. Is that correct? In which case, as a fully involved parent you should be leaping at the offer to switch the Saturday for a Monday so you have a chance to build a relationship with the children as someone they can rely on, versus the parent that focuses on “fun” things. As adult we think the special trips are super important, but for kids it is actually the parent who is reliable and willing to do the grunt work that kids really appreciate. Since both Monday and Friday are both school days your argument that you don’t want to parent the kids on Monday “because it is a school day” doesn’t hold water. Last I checked both days have 24 hours so they are not reducing the parenting time (which you seem more concerned about than what is good for the children). Monday is also adjacent to one of your days, Sunday, so it is reducing the transitions.

              I agree with everyone that mid-Saturday transitions are a terrible idea and should immediately be dispensed with as they are not in the children’s best interests. It is concerning that you emphasize that your time is so much “richer” because it is non-school time and you presumably have more money. The children should have equivalent home lives in both households. If their mother is unable to provide equally enriching activities you should be working towards creating an atmosphere where she can, by taking on a school day so that she can have the alternating Saturday and ensure your child support is enough to allow her to also afford enriching activities. One thing I do with my co-parent is get annual family memberships for all local activities (museums, art galleries, etc) and give the second adult card to the other parent so they can take the children whenever they feel like with no hit to their pocketbook (and when I go I often invite the other parent along because the kids enjoy it). That way my children all also building fun memories with their co-parent and the co-parent isn’t stressing about money. My co-parent has different financial priorities than me and would not think to buy the annual memberships but feel like they are “getting one over me” by using the cards. The kids are enjoying themselves so I don’t care about the rest.

              Comment


              • #22
                Originally posted by nofrills View Post
                It seem the focus is on the transition. The transition is 1% of the total time that the kids are with me, yet everyone including my ex is using it to extrapolate the kids are not doing well. Is this what the courts and the public will focus on?
                Public forum, yes. Courts, no. It's hard to argue that the kids are having problems with only 1 pickup. Or that a Sunday pickup is ok but not Saturday.

                Yet, the focus is this transition and many are implying the kids are not doing doing well.

                It kills me that I have such a hard time receiving them on Saturdays at 4pm. And it shouldn't be that way.
                I believe this transition only becomes an issue when you keep referring to it as such.

                I am more than happy to give up a Saturday, but it need to be fair to me...
                Ideally i want week on week off or 2255, which would be perfect. Ex doesn't want any of that, yet ex says the kids are still too young. Again, there is no material change for me to force a 2255 or week-on-week-off schedule.
                I agree with what you're doing. You offered Friday switch, I think to stay up late and play as opposed to Monday, which is enough. Ideally you should just keep pushing for 50/50; I think you're more likely to end up with that at court if a change is even possible.

                Comment


                • #23
                  Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                  Read this article and pay close attention to the awesomest Judge to ever grace the courts Justice Quinn...

                  https://www.purvisculbertlaw.ca/she-...d-to-send-her/
                  The above seems like useful case law for anyone who is being alienated & denied parenting time.

                  However, I note that the judgement rendered in the case of forum member mafia007 who was in a similar situation, was quite the opposite:

                  Originally posted by mafia007 View Post
                  My contempt motion had no chance to move forward as the judge indicated that it was hard to prove without a doubt that my ex was responsible for D10 to be reluctant to visit with her father.
                  https://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/...ontempt&page=3

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    I just want to let everyone know I want 50/50, but my ex won't give up any extra days. I only see the kids 3/7 days. I want more time regardless if it's a weekday or weekend. I want to do school work with my kids and I want to wake up with them in the mornings and get them ready for school. With my one weekday and two weekend days, I am personally going above and beyond the public school system. Every night, I teach my kids a new topic in math, basic economics, kids physics, french and any other interesting topic that they bring up or that I think they need to know that's not covered. Life at my house is fun and games, but we also do our fair share work.

                    I don't want to lose my time with my kids. I love them and I let them know everyday they're with me.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Just wondering No Frills

                      This question is for other parents too that don't have 50/50 custody. How did this happen? I am just entering the family legal system after a lot of effort was made to avoid it. I admit the first hour of the lawyer meeting was about child custody. As much as I think ex can't parent very well he isn't a danger to our kids and he is their dad so I wouldn't spend the money to try and get full custody.I had a feeling it was all about money the way the lawyer was talking. It will be 50/50 for us. How does one not get 50/50 from the very beginning? As long as you aren't abandoning your kids, a crack smoker or crazy alcoholic lunatic how does one prove you don't get the opportunity to be a good parent half the time?

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by backinthesaddle View Post
                        As much as I think ex can't parent very well he isn't a danger to our kids and he is their dad so I wouldn't spend the money to try and get full custody.I had a feeling it was all about money the way the lawyer was talking.
                        The above is the answer to your question. Those without 50/50 had to deal with unreasonable ex's who spent money to fight for whatever gain.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Originally posted by backinthesaddle View Post
                          This question is for other parents too that don't have 50/50 custody. How did this happen? I am just entering the family legal system after a lot of effort was made to avoid it. I admit the first hour of the lawyer meeting was about child custody. As much as I think ex can't parent very well he isn't a danger to our kids and he is their dad so I wouldn't spend the money to try and get full custody.I had a feeling it was all about money the way the lawyer was talking. It will be 50/50 for us. How does one not get 50/50 from the very beginning? As long as you aren't abandoning your kids, a crack smoker or crazy alcoholic lunatic how does one prove you don't get the opportunity to be a good parent half the time?


                          The answer is easy. Either its a case of one ex trying to punish the other or the they just want child support. Reasonable people who understand that their children deserve equal time with both mom and dad are how 50/50 happens easily.

                          Or theres the case of one parent not wanting to deal with being a parent which tends to blow it for the others.

                          If you are reasonable and can work out a good schedule you both can agree on, you won’t need a lawyer. Try working with a mediator instead.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Originally posted by backinthesaddle View Post
                            This question is for other parents too that don't have 50/50 custody. How did this happen? I am just entering the family legal system after a lot of effort was made to avoid it. I admit the first hour of the lawyer meeting was about child custody. As much as I think ex can't parent very well he isn't a danger to our kids and he is their dad so I wouldn't spend the money to try and get full custody.I had a feeling it was all about money the way the lawyer was talking. It will be 50/50 for us. How does one not get 50/50 from the very beginning? As long as you aren't abandoning your kids, a crack smoker or crazy alcoholic lunatic how does one prove you don't get the opportunity to be a good parent half the time?

                            Hi Backinthesaddle,
                            not getting 50/50 was my biggest regret and mistake. Anyone going through this needs to know there is no other option.

                            When my ex-wife decided she wanted out, I was totally blindsided and I was unprepared. I thought I could repair things. I was hurt and confused, I had found out she was cheating on me. From the time she told me she wanted out, she had been gas lighting me by making me believe I couldn't handle the kids 50/50. She convinced me that with my work hours, I wouldn't be able to care for the kids, even with a nanny. She said it was in the best interest of the kids that she gets them 4/7 days and I get them 3/7 days. At the time she wanted me to have the weekends because my weekday work hours were too long and I would not be able to take care of the kids. Plus, I would have more time with them on the weekends, so I agreed to Wed, Sat, Sun.

                            She was happy to give me weekends because it allowed her to go out with her new bf. She had already been doing weekends away with him while we were still going through the separation process living in the same house. I didn't tell her I knew, it killed me emotionally. So, at the time I was already doing every weekends with the kids by myself.

                            I didn't know about this board and I didn't have the confidence to fight for 50/50. Now after 2.5 years, I realized that I was a better parent than I knew
                            I was. My advice to anyone mother or father, is to get 50/50 and don't let anyone tell you that you can't do it or that you are incapable. YOU CAN DO IT, you just don't know it.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              I agree that more time with kids just for the fulfilling parenting experience. Not all parents have the same passion. People are made different.

                              Is having the kids 50/50 different than 3 days / 4 days when it comes to child support?

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                                The answer is easy. Either its a case of one ex trying to punish the other or the they just want child support. Reasonable people who understand that their children deserve equal time with both mom and dad are how 50/50 happens easily.
                                I don't know that I agree with that. It's not the case that 50/50 is ALWAYS going to be in the best interest of the child. It can depend on the child plus the parents strengths. I think that it's really case specific. What I do think is that children deserve the chance to bond equally with each parent...that doesn't mean that it has to be 50/50 time.

                                Comment

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