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  • Drug and Alcohol abuse

    So a bit of background, on a difficult issue:

    I've been dating a woman for a few years now, who has a daughter who is currently three years old. Her ex husband had no access or interest in his daughter for about the first year of her life, they split pretty much the week of the daughters birth. She had a court order for custody, and child support which he didn't pay. When we reconnected (we were good friends in high school) I let her know about MEP, and within a few months they did their job and it was sorted out within a few months. Starting out about a month after the birth of the daughter she would take her every Saturday to his parents to visit them. Sometimes he would be there, often he would not bother to show up.

    Shortly after the wage garnishing happened to him, he started filing in court every six months for fifty percent custody. It very gradually increased over the past two years to the point it's at now, where he has unsupervised custody of her, every other weekend, starting on Friday, ending on the Monday.

    So that's where custody stands now. During the marriage he displayed the signs of an alcoholic. Daily drinking to excess, as well as drinking and driving. Further he would engage in drugs such as Oxy (Daily), as well as cocaine, and GHB, frequency and amounts are unknown to me, but it was apparently quite often. All his affidavits in court stated he had been to rehab, and no longer drinks or does drugs.

    Fast forward to this weekend, and she was contacted by a recently estranged partner of his, who had been in a relationship with him for several months. She told her that while he had care of his daughter, he would stay at her place, was always high on something, was injecting steroids, (she sent pictures of that, though with the angle no needle is visible, but it's obvious as to what is occurring), and would not hesitate to drive with his daughter while under the influence of either drugs, or alcohol. He would also take her with him to his dealers houses.

    So, what the heck to do in a situation such as this? While it could all be just the vindictive lies of a woman scorned, this is behaviour that would not be out of character for him whatsoever. We called the Alberta child's abuse hotline, and they've opened a file and will investigate and come back to us this week with their findings, but that's about the only thing I can think of to do at this point. Telling a mother who believes their child is under the care and control of an alcoholic junkie, being driven around town to dealers houses for drug buys, that the only thing she can do is make a phone call..... Well, it's pretty inadequate.

    Police involvement? Unable to tell them it's definitely occurring right now, or even where he is. He is a couch hopper, no permanent residence of his own.

    Court? Well it's a weekend, but even then, what actual proof would we have to start a case? I'm sure some lawyer would love access to our credit cards, but could much be accomplished at this point?

    All we are left with is sitting back until Monday, hoping her daughter comes back safe again, and then again hoping that Alberta Human Services comes back with something conclusive either way.

    Unless I'm missing something that we should be doing?

  • #2
    well this certainly doesn't say much for the g/f who should have reported her observations immediately instead of doing it afterwards. I'm sure child services will keep this in mind but will look into the matter. You say the father has no permanent address? Are you sure he doesn't simply stay with his parents when he has the children?

    I believe the RCMP or City Police department will do a wellness check - you could simply inquire.

    I'd wait till you hear back from the child welfare people. For all you know the guy has cleaned up his act. (We certainly read enough on here about fathers fighting false allegations.)

    Speak to a lawyer and ask them what it would take to have court order toxicology screening to determine if fellow is indeed back doping/drinking. Also might be good to verify where the father takes kids on his parenting time. You say he is 'couch surfing' but perhaps that just when he doesn't have the kids.

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    • #3
      I think you've done everything you can for now. If the ex has always returned the child safely after his weekends in the past, there's no reason to think that he won't do so this time too, even if he is using drugs. His past behaviour is the best guide to his future behaviour, not his ex-gf's stories. I would check in again with the child neglect people early next week to be sure they're following up.

      If you have reason to think he is engaged in illegal activity (dealing drugs, beyond just using them), you could call the police, but they usually won't do much with a hearsay report.

      I would question the ex-gf's account. She had no concerns that her boyfriend was allegedly doing drugs and DUI with a child in the car when they were together, but now that they've broken up, suddenly she gets a conscience and wants to tell the child's mother? I expect that her information is at the very least greatly exaggerated. Unless there's some strong corroborating evidence, I suspect that she's trying to use your girlfriend to get back at her ex, which is completely sleazy on her part.

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      • #4
        Heard back from Child Services or whatever they are called here, they've investigated and given some warnings on behaviour, but other than that they can't do anything further without catching him in the act.

        I find it slightly disconcerting though that people would tend to hedge to the side of doubting the ex girlfriend's story. Any digging into addicts and relapse shows that the actual chances of recovery in excess of a year is extremely low. Being told that an addict has relapsed should immediately put the addicts character into question, not the accusers.

        She did send us some photos of him injecting steroids, but unfortunately while the bottle containing them was in the photo, it was not clear enough to make out the label.

        As for her being with him while knowing this, I can't speak to that. As pretty much anyone here knows, dysfunctional or messed up relationships work for a while before they break. I would imagine he was on his best behaviour for a while and then gradually started slipping into his normal self over time. From talking with her she seems to have ended it once she saw the extent of the issues with substance abuse he had.

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