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Holiday Schedule to share - Hope this helps

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  • Holiday Schedule to share - Hope this helps

    SCHEDULE D TO THE SEPARATION AGREEMENT DATED XXXX
    1. HOLIDAY AND SPECIAL OCCASION SCHEDULE
    1.1 This Holiday and Special Occasion schedule takes precedence over the Regular Residency Schedule. If the Holiday and Special Occasion Schedule conflicts with the Regular Residency Schedule then XX and YY agree that the parent who has the children for the holiday or special occasion will have them 2 weekends in a row. The other parent will be the on-duty parent for the children for the following 2 weekends.
    1.2 Should the occasion period commence or conclude on a day that does not coincide with the Regular Residency Schedule then the drop-off times below will apply. The parties agree that the children will be dropped off at the other parent’s home unless otherwise agreed to in writing.
    1.3 XX and YY will share the children’s holidays and special occasions as follows:
    (a) Christmas Week: The parties agree that Christmas Week is 1:00 pm December 24 to 1:00 pm on December 31. Starting in 2013, YY will be the on-duty parent for the children in odd numbered years and XX will be the on-duty parent for the in even numbered years.
    (b) New Year’s Week: The parties agree that New Year’s Week is 1:00 pm on December 31 (drop-off) to 3:30 PM on January 7 (drop-off). XX will be the on-duty parent for the children in even numbered years and YY will be the on-duty parent for the children in odd numbered years.
    (c) March/Spring Break: The parties agree that March/Spring Break is comprised of the first Monday of the Break at 9:00 am to the following Monday at 9:00 am. YY will be the on-duty parent for the children for in even numbered years and XX will be the on-duty parent in odd numbered years. Costs for child-care during Spring break will be treated as Special Expenses.
    (d) Easter Weekend: The parties agree Easter Weekend includes Good Friday at 9:00 AM Eastern Time to 5:00PM Easter Monday. Starting in 2014, YY will be the on-duty parent for the children in even numbered years and XX will be the on-duty parent for the children in odd numbered years.
    (e) Mother’s Day Weekend and Father’s Day Weekends: The parties agree that Mother’s Day Weekend and Father’s Day Weekend will be comprised of the Friday at 5:00 pm to Sunday at 5:00 pm. The children will be with YY on Mother’s Day Weekend. The children will be with XX on Father’s Day Weekend. Where this conflicts with the Regular Residency schedule then the other parent will be the on-duty parent for the children for the following 2 weekends.
    (f) Children’s Birthday: The parties agree that the Birthday is from 5:00 PM on YYYYMMDD to 9:00 am on YYYYMMDD each year. Starting in 2016, YY will be the on-duty parent in even numbered years and XX in odd numbered years.
    (g) Thanksgiving Weekend: The parties agree that Thanksgiving Weekend is 5:00 PM on the Friday to 5:00 PM on Thanksgiving Monday. Starting in 2013, XX will be the on-duty parent in odd numbered years and YY will be the on-duty parent for the children in even numbered years.
    1.4 The regular schedule per Schedule C applies for the remainder of the long weekends, statutory holidays, PD days and when the children are not attending school in the summer unless otherwise agreed.
    1.5 Drop-Off Time: The parties agree that the children will be dropped off at the other parent’s home at the commencement of any Holiday or Special Occasion period set out above unless the drop-off at period commencement falls within the on-duty parent’s residency schedule making drop-off unnecessary. At the end of the period the on-duty parent will drop the children at the other parent’s home unless the drop-off at period end falls within the on-duty parent’s residency schedule making drop-off unnecessary.
    1.6 Changes to Schedule D: XX and YY agree that if an unavoidable event or activity fall on the switched weekend both parents will be as flexible as possible to accommodate this event or activity however neither parent is authorized to make changes to the schedule for any reason whatsoever unless expressly agreed to in writing by both parents. The parties agree to respect the final decision of the other parent in the event that a request for a change is declined by the other parent.
    1.7 In the event that a material change of circumstances occurs either party may request their revisions to this Schedule in writing subject to mutual acceptance and otherwise the provisions for dispute resolution will apply.

  • #2
    Sadly these terms are only as good as the good faith of the parties. That has been sadly lacking in my case.
    The winners have been the kids because they are not being passed back and forth on Christmas Day, we can travel freely and there is NO conflict for them. They actually really like this arrangement.
    If I ran things this would be law, not everyone scrambling around to figure it out paying lawyers, mediators and ending up in court where nothing gets solved.
    The family law system is so screwed up.
    What we need is more forums like this with a library of things like this including sample successful pleadings, responses and strategies etc etc.
    Maybe my retirement project.
    I wrote this schedule at the urging of my wife who lived the hell of sharing holidays with her ex who once forced her to drive from Toronto to Cornwall in a blizzard on Christmas morning with toddlers in the car. . I am grateful for her advice and insistence.
    Imagine trying to take your klds to visit relatives out of town or take a vacation with sharing holidays every year?
    What a nightmare for everyone.

    Comment


    • #3
      Thank you so much, great content.


      First meeting with the mediator today. I didn't get into this level of detail but I did ask about specifying schedule and holidays out in detail like this to avoid problems. Her suggestion is to have the fist stage be "as agreed by both" with the fallback being a super specific schedule like this and the next level being a parental / child worker to mediate the dispute. Things are amicable SO FAR but I know that is unlikely to last very long. My STBX is the controlling type and I am concerned that "as agreed by both" to her means "I do whatever I want and he will just have to agree."



      Thoughts?

      Comment


      • #4
        [QUOTE=UnderPressure;240934]Thank you so much, great content.


        First meeting with the mediator today. I didn't get into this level of detail but I did ask about specifying schedule and holidays out in detail like this to avoid problems. Her suggestion is to have the fist stage be "as agreed by both" with the fallback being a super specific schedule like this and the next level being a parental / child worker to mediate the dispute. Things are amicable SO FAR but I know that is unlikely to last very long. My STBX is the controlling type and I am concerned that "as agreed by both" to her means "I do whatever I want and he will just have to agree."



        Thoughts?

        The mediator is inexperienced. I would be very cautious with their advice.
        You can sign off on "agreed by both" but then you will have to go to court to change it after many conflicts. I sincerely hope that never happens.
        And the idea of dispute resolution if you have a specific schedule is just silly.
        If specific then no conflict!!!!
        A Motion To Change will cost you plenty, will create conflict and you may lose.
        And ALL conflict impacts the children in some way. ALL.
        Is it in the children's interests or the parents to share pass kids back and forth on holidays so grandma can watch them open their gifts every Christmas Day? That is selfish parenting.
        By alternating years the kids get the opportunity to spend quality time with each parent (and extended families). We keep the tree up through Dec 7 and celebrate Christmas with their extended family the week of Dec 31 if they are not with us that year.
        How do plan to take the kids on a March break vacation when you have to get them back mid-week or vice versa?
        Who gets Thanksgiving Monday?
        Travel, vacation plans, peace. All in the children's interests as conflict is ZERO!
        I wanted to do the same and to be wife insisted based on her nightmare. Then I talked to many other families and head other nightmares. Sure, if you live beside each other and are best friends then great.
        Divorce is about separating people from each other with freedom.
        Trust me this is an excellent solution.
        Send her/him this thread

        Comment


        • #5
          Having some major problems with holiday scheduling and hoping from some insight and advice from others on what works.

          My ex and I had our separation agreement drafted 2015. Our agreement is somewhat specific with splitting holidays. It states we split all holidays equally, including long weekends and Christmas and March break.

          The problem, as we've come to learn is that how we interpret splitting weekends. My partner and I like to go camping on long weekends with the children. We prefer to have the kids for the whole long weekend and alternate which long weekends we have the children. For example we have the kids civic holiday and my ex has the kids the labour day weekend. I feel it is less disruptive to the kids then shuffling them back and forth between our houses mid holiday.

          My ex prefers to split the holiday in half each time. His reasoning is that often his parents have an Easter or Thanksgiving get together. He is very rigid and does not want them to ever miss that get together.

          We are supposed to come up with a holiday schedule each year in January for the upcoming year. Problem is, he doesn't seem to care so it is me contacting him. We had so much troubles coordinating that I started sending him 3 or 4 separate options to choose from. He then replies with all of the problems with my options and doesn't comment with an option of his own. It is frustrating each year. For example friends of ours used to take their kids, same age as my kids on a fun camping trip to Kentucky on the Easter weekend. They wanted us to go along one year. I asked my ex for an exception and he refused stating his mother had a turkey dinner and doesn't want the kids to miss out. I have no problem making exceptions on the schedule if it means the kids get to go on a special trip with their father.

          We are in the middle of renegotiating our separation agreement to update some terms. This is the time, if any to make our holiday schedule more defined. Any suggestions on what might help??! I am at my witts end. I am at the point of possibly wanting a fixed schedule as to avoid arguments.

          Another idea.. Possibly laying it out in the agreement that we split Easter and thanksgiving in half so they get their turkey dinners at their grammas and alternating the other ones 'in full' so we can book family trips and camping on long weekends. Also alternating long weekends gets dicey because our child's birthday happens to fall on one of the long weekends each year. Thoughts?

          Comment


          • #6
            My husband’s agreement had alternating holidays with long weekends agreed to between them. This meant in even years he had the kids on two of the “holidays” (example: easter and christmas) and then one of the holidays in odd years (thanksgiving). That way they knew what year the kids were with which parent on that holiday.

            Your ex is holding you hostage with the idea a holiday can only be celebrated on that day. If you are going to renegotiate, set the holidays apart from the long weekends and designate each long weekend/holiday. Count out how many long weekends there are and split them. Then take the actual holidays and split those. That way there is no interpretation, no jockeying and no guilt.

            Comment


            • #7
              Yes that is exactly it. I need it spelled out, and I need it spelled out well. What happens when it's left to us is we leave it to the last minute then have to text back and forth in what feels like trying to figure out which gathering is most important for the children to attend on which days.

              For example we have Christmas eve and Christmas day figured out, we just alternate years. But for the rest of the Christmas break each year we text back and forth trying to 'pick which days we want the kids'. There is this sense that because his family is much larger that the kids attending certain gatherings is more important then time I want. For us, we just want to spend time with the kids. The specific date doesn't matter so much. Our Christmas break schedules end up being very hectic. The kids are switching back and forth every couple of days between us for the entire Christmas break. With the amount of switching going on, it starts to feel like the children are bring treated as cargo. We want them to have a nice chunk of uninterrupted time at each house. It's supposed to be a holiday, after all.

              Rockscan you are spot on with figuring out holidays and having it spelled out black and white so there is no room for interpretation. I'll have to really sit down and think about this and come up with a good plan. What I essentially want to avoid, or severely limit is this having to text back and forth to figure out days each year. It's very frustrating.

              Comment


              • #8
                The other benefit is that with the set times, he can manage scheduling stuff with his family. Many (MANY) separated parents take the approach that their family is more important and their traditions are more important and then it becomes status quo. This leads to a lot of hurt feelings over who is more important—the other parent or the extended family. My husband went through this one holiday and it was really devastating. Once the kids are older they will have the freedom to go back and forth without so much grief but it’s best to get it lid out in advance to avoid last minute stress and hurt feelings.

                The harder part will be the “battle” over it. Be prepared for push back from your ex. You may need to give him reminders that parents come before extended family and they will have to understand that things change as kids grow up. Holidays don’t necessarily have to be celebrated or even done on the day. My family celebrates Christmas between the 28-30 depending on our availability and not on the day. It’s been like that for years and we all managed fine. It’s when you get into the “well my parents do this” or “my family will be disappointed” that gets nasty.

                Comment


                • #9
                  I'm almost there with the wording for everything. I think it will be a lot nicer to have a set holiday schedule to avoid conflict and make for easier planning.

                  For winter school break.. We've had the issue each year that my ex looks at the time before and after the actual break when deciding how to split the days. As far as I know the actual winter break from school end to school resuming should be split evenly. I am thinking of stating we switch at exactly the halfway point of the winter break each year. Is this break always approximately 16 days? So would I say the midpoint is halfway between the 16 day break or halfway between the day school ends and the day school resumes again? I know that this sounds minor however I want to have this spelled out as clearly as possible as to avoid disagreements each year at Christmas time.

                  Failing that I could just say beginning of school break until December 26, then the other person Dec 26 to beginning of school in January.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    The problem will be if Christmas is on the Sunday or Monday-Wednesday. If it was split exactly halfway it would work but the holiday itself causes the problem.

                    What if you say “Each parent will have equal parenting time of eight days over the Christmas Break. This will be achieved by the following schedule, in the years where parent a has the children on December 25, the children will be with that parent from the end of the school day on Friday to December 26. Parent B will begin their eight days on December 26 with the children returned to Parent A for the remainder of the eight days of their time.”

                    Comment

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