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  • Supervised access issues, looking for opinions

    My ex wife is allowed 2 supervised visits per week with our son until her criminal trial is over. She is charged with assaulting our son.
    The court ordered that supervision has to be through a center, my father, or another mutually agreeable person.

    At the first supervised visit, she came with 2 other family members. For the next visit she is planning on bringing a friend and her kids.

    I feel like these visits should only be between her and her son. My father is now in a position where is trying to supervise her interactions
    with our son, while having other people around. During the first visit, one of the family members kept trying to engage him in conversation.

    Is it reasonable to write to her and say that visits will stop if she continues to bring other people. In the past, someone else was supervising
    but those visits were stopped because they were allowing her to interrogate our son about what he told the police. I have no doubt that if
    my father is distracted, she will do the same thing again.

    Unfortunately, I might have to break the news to my son that all of these plans she’s setting up may have to cancelled.

    I wish the access center’s offered more than 2 hours every 2 weeks per family.

    Curious about others opinions on what rules should surround these visit. Do you think that other people should be allowed to attend?

    Thanks

  • #2
    Parents are allowed to bring family members to the visitations. When I had supervised visits, that's what I was told. It's really none of your business who she brings at the supervised access center. The supervised access center is responsible for screening the people and ensuring the safety of your kids there. If they have any concerns with those people, then they will warn/deny them and will let you know.

    Don't get your family involved. Keep the visits at the access centre. At the supervised access center, everything will be documented and there will be no drama. That includes documenting the interactions with the people she is bringing, and everything that they say. It actually works in your favour, ask for notes every few weeks or so to see what is happening and being discussed.
    Last edited by trinton; 03-23-2017, 12:03 PM.

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    • #3
      If the visits are happening at your father's residence, he is well within his rights to let her know that his home is open to her to facilitate her visits with the child, however he is not in a position to host others. This should come from him as the supervising host in his residence, not you.

      If this doesn't work, it may be necessary to have additional people on hand to supervise the group while your father stays closest to the child.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by trinton View Post
        Parents are allowed to bring family members to the visitations. When I had supervised visits, that's what I was told. It's really none of your business who she brings at the supervised access center. The supervised access center is responsible for screening the people and ensuring the safety of your kids there. If they have any concerns with those people, then they will warn/deny them and will let you know.

        Don't get your family involved. Keep the visits at the access centre. At the supervised access center, everything will be documented and there will be no drama. That includes documenting the interactions with the people she is bringing, and everything that they say. It actually works in your favour, ask for notes every few weeks or so to see what is happening and being discussed.
        If it's in an access center, I have no problems with other family and friends coming. We are currently on the waiting list for a spot.

        When they are visits in public supervised by a family member, its a different story. It's harder to supervise.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
          If the visits are happening at your father's residence, he is well within his rights to let her know that his home is open to her to facilitate her visits with the child, however he is not in a position to host others. This should come from him as the supervising host in his residence, not you.

          If this doesn't work, it may be necessary to have additional people on hand to supervise the group while your father stays closest to the child.
          She won't agree to visits at his home. The visits are in public (mall or restaurant ). Unfortunately, we have no one else to supervise. My ex took almost 6 months to apply to the access centre and now we have to wait up to another 6 months for a spot.

          It makes my fathers job more difficult.

          Comment


          • #6
            If your father is the only one available to supervise, and she procrastinated so long in applying to the access centre, then it seems as though your father is doing her a pretty big favour... You could try telling her that your father is uncomfortable with having more than just her there as it makes him feel as though he is unable to properly do his job. If he doesn't feel he can properly supervise as he is supposed to, it wouldn't be horrible of him to refuse... It would then be up to her, either show up on her own to visits, or wait until an access centre is available to supervise.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Soiled View Post
              If your father is the only one available to supervise, and she procrastinated so long in applying to the access centre, then it seems as though your father is doing her a pretty big favour... You could try telling her that your father is uncomfortable with having more than just her there as it makes him feel as though he is unable to properly do his job. If he doesn't feel he can properly supervise as he is supposed to, it wouldn't be horrible of him to refuse... It would then be up to her, either show up on her own to visits, or wait until an access centre is available to supervise.

              Yes, he is doing her a big favour and putting himself in this situation for up to 6 hours per week.

              I agree with you. The more people she brings the harder it is for him to monitor the situation.

              Comment


              • #8
                I agree with blinks advice, to have your father write her a nice letter. Find out what the policies of the supervised access center is in regards to visitors and line it up with that. I think it's something like one visitor at a time, with advanced notice.

                Comment

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