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Switching Sole Custody to Joint physical

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  • Switching Sole Custody to Joint physical

    Any help is appreciated....

    My ex served me with papers to change child support. I responded with a custody claim as I feel she has been alienating our boys from me.

    We have an agreement in place for the last 5 years. At the time I agreed to my ex having Sole Custody.

    This past year I moved about 45 mins away and I worry this may impact my chances? The children did have a little bit of transition issues with my move and joining a my blended family. The ex of course through them into therapy right away. They seem to be ok with it now. But my ex says otherwise. How do I prove that this is now in their best interests to share time? Is the ex’s status quo a hindrance?

    The ex has occasionally denied access on a few Friday nights when he kids were refusing to come. But I was able to resume access the Saturday morning. There is quite a bit of conflict now as our original agreement is no longer working for my new situation and where and whom I live with.


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  • #2
    If you mean joint custody, you should be able to get that easily. Anyone who is not a criminal can get that. I'm not sure why you gave her sole custody in the first place.

    If you mean shared custody, offhand you have no chance at all.
    • Ex has 5 years of sole custody
    • You moved 45 minutes away
    • You are doing this as a respond to a CS claim
    • The kids are not on your side


    Save your money. Don't go to court. Pay the child support. You are going to have to pay for her lawyer when you lose badly. And let's be clear, you are going to lose badly. You are not even within "faint hope chance" range of being a good candidate for shared custody.

    Is the ex’s status quo a hindrance?
    The status quo is not a hindrance. It is a series of nails in a coffin. It is a huge, massive, status quo, one that I have pretty much never seen overturned.

    That said, I'll give you a chance to change my mind.

    How do I prove that this is now in their best interests to share time?
    Forget proving, just tell us. Why is it suddenly in their interests to share time? What has changed in the last five years?

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    • #3
      I was on my own for 3 years.... then I met my fiancé and her children. I moved away to get a home that was affordable for us all with 4 bedrooms. My kids share with fiancé kids as she has two boys and a girl. The kids all get along.... an my fiancé only works part time. I have always had a strained relationship with my oldest son. He says I favour him over his younger brother. But I don’t obviously. And I think mom is making it worse by denying extra access when I ask to have the boys to do family things with my fiancé and her kids. The ex says the boys don’t want to... but I think that’s an excuse. I bring the kids to their home town on weekends for their sports.... but this cuts out a lot of parenting time with the driving back and forth.

      I do agree if I had them half the time there would be an adjustment period.


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      • #4
        Sorry one more thing.... my lawyer requested the ocl get involved. With all the conflict that has arisen since my move they took our case. Will they be able to help figure out if this will be best for my kids.


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        • #5
          What has changed that makes it now in your kid's best interest to have shared custody? You did not answer that question. If you cannot answer that question, your case is dead in the water.

          Also, OCL will 99.9% go with the status quo in this case. Your lawyer is crazy. You will have to prove material change AND fight to undermine an adverse OCL report. Why on earth would OCL suggest anything other than status quo here?

          OCL won't figure out if shared is best. YOU have to prove that shared is best. Your ex doesn't have to prove anything.

          Take the money you are spending on the lawyer and buy some lottery tickets. At least then you might win.

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          • #6
            I just feel that now I am better prepared to be a good dad. And I fear I am losing my older son. My ex tells him he doesn’t have to see me after the age of 12.

            I am on my second lawyer as well. My first one was not passing on documents to me.
            My first Lawyer for the judge to agree to OCL by staring I was afraid I was never going to see my kids again.

            I offered to take my boys to my own therapist... but ex denied me because she had them in therapy already. She didn’t think two separate therapists were necessary.

            My ex enrolled them in sports and tutoring and therapy and I didn’t agree. And now she wants me to pay for half of these things. Our agreement is vague and it says half of recreational sports and half of medical costs. But I never agreed to any of it if the boys live half the time with me she will have to make sure she gets
            My permission for these things.



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            • #7
              Why would the OCL get involved, if there is no Material Change of Circumstance? Isn't that a waste their resources?

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              • #8
                Originally posted by youngdad91 View Post
                Big mistake letting her go to court first. But I assume you planned on going to court anyways before she commenced this child support stuff. She just beat you to it.

                Those access denials and children' refusals are your golden ticket. Allege and allege and allege alienation and disparagement. Get the OCL involved and check back with us then. The OCL will give you really good stuff to use against her to increase your access, if you play all your cards right.

                Do consent to child support in the INTERIM, without prejudice. It will help you in the long run.

                It's not hard to get joint and shared when there is stuff like this happening. Just takes a lot of time and a lot of patience. Keep pushing and listen to your lawyer. He.she can setup things for your nicely.


                Thanks youngdad... from your post you sound like you have gone through this? How long did your ex have status quo? Mine has had hers for 5 years now.
                The denied access really hasn’t happened often only a few Times over 5 year period. Do you think this is grounds for material change in circumstance?

                I first answered ex’s claim with sole custody, but my new lawyer suggested rather I ask for shared instead. Do you have any other pointers to share with me?

                Janus seems to have a very different opinion that this is going to be very hard for me to win? Any other suggestions would be most appreciated.

                I myself have not met with Ocl yet. Pretty sure ex has... its been about a month and we have been playing phone tag... is that odd that I can’t seem to get a hold of them? Or that we are playing phone tag?


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