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common law and I had threesome with her GF, now her gf is pregnant

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  • common law and I had threesome with her GF, now her gf is pregnant

    my common law spouse and I had a month and a half long relationship with another woman, who ended up pregnant. The baby was born a few weeks ago and looks like me. So I want to get a lawyer to help secure a court order dna test. If the test says the baby is mine I will be looking to get custody since she has had her other 2 kids taken away then got them back and now a month or so before the baby was born they were taken away from her again. She lives in Quebec right now and we are in Saskatchewan, if the baby is mine most of its family will be here in sask., including her kids that were taken away as they live with her mom and dad right now, while the baby would only have her as family there. She is not a stable home and I am worried. Would I have a good chance at sole custody or should I go a different route

  • #2
    first off determine if you are the father, then you can worry about the rest. Why are her first two kids being taken away from her after she just got them back?

    If you ever decide to to a threesome again, make sure you wear a condom so you dont run into this again. Also dont believe the person if they say they cannot get pregnant or they are on the pill, always protect yourself first.
    Last edited by Mess; 04-14-2013, 02:54 PM.

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    • #3
      details: my common law and I have been together for 13 years
      we have 4 kids together
      she has 2 kids fom her marrage
      she has just had the baby a week or so ago.
      she was married but husband was in jail at the time
      her kids were taken away the first time over one of them having drugs accidentally ingested. her parents took the kids in then and she had supervised visits and had to go to parenting class.
      her and her husband ended up running from his charges. They eventually came backand he turned himself in. Thats where we came in to the picture, I asked about a fun night, went away to a course for a week, shortly after I came back she phoned franticly telling me to come get her and the kids. I went to her parents house where she was staying to find out she locked her kids in the camper they were staying in and went with some idiot to the bar, then falling asleep in his car. Meanwhile her kids got up and went and asked their grandparents where their mom was. Her dad freaked out when she got home, the cops showed up and wanted to call social services, her dad and I convinced the cop not to. he dad also told her that she couldn't see this other guy while she was staying there, any how, so all our fun went on for a month, hanging with her parents and letting our kids play, going out. the whole time lieing and telling everyone that the other guy was a done deal. she eventually got her own place that we helped get her all set up in, but the day she moved in, so did that guy. This is where it all fell apart. she quit going to her parents cause they were mad she was dating this loser, and after a week or two quit calling us, in this week or two tho we did find out she was pregnant and did tell her we want DNA test. Her parents took her to court for visitation, that worked for a week or two then in the middle of the night her and loser took the kids and ran half way across the country violating a court order. so her parents went back to court and got custody of the kids again. now her 2 boys stay at their grandparents house. she stayed out where she is and had the baby. she hasn't tried to contact us or anything yet, but seen pics of the baby and he looks like my other 4 when they were babies.

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      • #4
        big question is though, how is the common law gf going to feel raising the child of her bf and her friend?

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        • #5
          suggestions:

          1- Do paternity test
          2- If you are on speaking terms with the Mother, maybe you could even get her consent on the custody arrangement as it sounds she does need help raising her children.
          3- Grand-parent seems to be also involve as they have the 2 previous children, so I would consider seeking their position on the matter just to keep it friendly and possible relationship between the siblings.
          Last edited by Moolight; 04-14-2013, 01:42 PM.

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          • #6
            Yeah hijack the thread and judge away. I have 4 kids from 9 - 3 aleady with my gf of 13 years, I also have a steady day job earning 45+ and do work on the side a bit, am a union plant chair person, get union members to help do charitable things in my community. Guess I'm going to make a bad parent to this baby cause i don't have pizza and beer for breakfast and my gf and I made the decision to do what we think is best for the baby, we're such bad parents. All you people really need to grow the hell up and stop being judges and look at your own lives with nothing to do but judge others

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            • #7
              The OP came here for legal advice. This isn't the general chat forum. If you want to discuss what you had for breakfast or the moral decay of society, start your own thread HERE please.

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              • #8
                ...............................................
                Last edited by Mess; 04-14-2013, 05:57 PM. Reason: Please reread the forum rules

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                • #9
                  I think you are going to have a difficult time achieving sole custody, given the physical distance between you and the child (barring any abuse of the child).

                  Get the paternity test done asap to determine paternity. Has she asked you for child support? How are the three of you communicating now?

                  I'd hire a lawyer asap, if you intend to seek custody (and the child is yours). I don't think that CAS will give you information on her past files/children, but I'm sure a lawyer can get those answers for you, or at least advise CAS of your interests.
                  Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

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                  • #10
                    Your first step has to be to get the paternity test. Once that is done you can start to move forward if the child is yours.

                    Personally I think it is good you are willing to step up tp the plate but it will still be good for the child to have the mother involved. Start now coming up with a parenting plan that facilitates access for both if you. Don't just go in asking for sole... Joint custody with maybe primary residence with you may be a better approach.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                      Your first step has to be to get the paternity test. Once that is done you can start to move forward if the child is yours.

                      Personally I think it is good you are willing to step up tp the plate but it will still be good for the child to have the mother involved. Start now coming up with a parenting plan that facilitates access for both if you. Don't just go in asking for sole... Joint custody with maybe primary residence with you may be a better approach.
                      I do want her involved. but I think since the baby's family is mostly here (dad, my parents, her parents 4 half brothers and 2 half sisters) joint custody with primary or sole custody would be in the best interest. besides thatShe doesn't work, I've held the same job over 10 years, she never lives in one place for more than 6 months, I own my home, she has had her kids removed from her 2 times, the guy she is there with dragged one of his ex's behind a car because he was coked out and she didn't want to do so sexual thing for him, can't say if he is still like that but don't want to leave that to chance. Her parents know everrything, I went and told them when we all found out, they hate the guy she left with and are happy the kid isn't his. but I'm just looking for input right now

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                      • #12
                        Since you aren't on bad terms with her, the way most of us divorced members are with our ex's, I would suggest that you approach her with a friendly, optimistic offer to adopt the child into your family. You can offhandedly mention that this means she wouldn't be responsible for support, without making her sound like a potential deadbeat. Give her a guarentee that the child will have regular time with the maternal grandparents and that bio mom may stay as involved as she wishes.

                        Court should be a last resort, and a friendly discussion of possibilities should be the first.

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                        • #13
                          but thats the thing, we haven't talked to her since before she ran away so her parents couldn't take her first 2 kids from her marrage away. she had told my GF, who she kept telling she was so in love with and didn't want to lose us, to f off and leave her and her new man alone. deleted her off FB but I went silent to her and she either forgot to delete me or just didn't delete me. thats the last we talked. she knows I wanted DNA test and involvement if it is mine, it was one of the last face to face convesations we had. Could be part of why she ran too

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by pupp1977 View Post
                            Yeah hijack the thread and judge away.....All you people really need to grow the hell up and stop being judges and look at your own lives with nothing to do but judge others
                            Nobody hijacked the thread. From what I see people have offered you good initial advice, given the details so far.

                            DNA test is first step and important, to protect yourself.
                            You really should consult a lawyer about this...probably with your spouse. FYI...a lawyer will ask you the same questions.

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                            • #15
                              Unless a moderator removed a post I didn't see.

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